Jokes Dirty or otherwise

[kingboomer]

Confucious say:

Person who take sleeping pill and laxitive pill before going to bed wake up in deep s#!t.

 

[thgirtruoc_nairb]

Confucius say, "Man when jerks off in cash register, comes into money."

 

[kingboomer]

Confucious say:

Psychaitrist who sleep with patients is f#$%ing crazy!

 

[drainbamage]

Confucius say:

Baseball wrong; man with 4 balls cannot walk.

 

[EoinMag]

The Gold Urinal
Several days after President Obama was re-elected president, he went over to see Bill and Hillary Clinton for dinner at their spacious home. After drinking several glasses of beer, he asked his host if he could use his personal bathroom.
When he entered Bill Clinton 's private toilet, he was astonished to see that Clinton had a golden urinal! Wow!
The next day, Obama told his wife, Michelle, about the urinal in Clinton 's private lavatory. "Just think,' he said, 'maybe I should get a gold urinal too. But on the other hand I think that it may be just a bit too self-indulgent... even for a guy like me!"
Later in the week, when Michelle had lunch with Hillary, she told Hillary how impressed her husband had been at his discovering that Bill had a gold urinal in his private bathroom.
Later that day, when Bill got home, Hillary smiled and said to Bill: "I found out who pissed in your saxophone."

 

[gratus fermentatio]

Sven and Ole came home to Sven's house one evening and heard noises upstairs. They snuck up the stairs and, peeking in the bedroom door, found Sven's wife in bed with the mailman. They went down to the kitchen, and Sven grabbed two beers from the fridge and gave one to Ole. Seeing that Sven was upset, Ole said, "hey, vhat about da postman"? Ole replied, "ah, he can get his own beer".

 

[JohnSand]

Bill and Bob are in a bar drinking. Bill gets up, saying that for once he's going home early and surprise his wife. Ten minutes later he's back. "What happened?" Bob asks.
"Well, when I got to the door, I could see my wife through the window, making out on the couch with her boss!"
"What are you going to do?" Bob asked.
"Well, it looks like they just got started. I think we have time for at least one more beer."

 

[kingboomer]

Walt Disney and Mickey Mouse are having a heated arguement. Mickey's trying to get a divorce from Minnie, and Walt's not having any of it. "For the hundredth time Mickey, you can't divorce Minnie because she's crazy!" Walt said. Mickey replied, "And for the thousandth time Walt, I never said she was crazy, I said she was F#$%ing Goofy!"

 

[DrunkleJon]

Have you heard that miss piggy uses a vinegar and honey ******?
Yeah, Kermit really likes sweet and sour pork.

And with that one I will get my coat.

 

[unionrdr]

Acting! Thank you! What do you get when you cross a polak with a road runner? A streak of shizz...old one,I know.

 

[PRE66_6TART]

Have you heard that miss piggy uses a vinegar and honey ******?
Yeah, Kermit really likes sweet and sour pork.

And with that one I will get my coat.

That joke made me make the same face as your avatar.

 

[Tomcat0304]

Helen Keller walks into a bar...

Then a table...

Then a chair...

 

[cpa4ny]

- Doctor, how did you guess that I have high blood pressure without measuring it?

- I see mosquitoes exploding on you.

 

[gratus fermentatio]

How many hands does Helen Keller use to masturbate?
Two: 1 to play & the other to moan.

 

[Jupapabear]

What's a polak?

 

[Yuri_Rage]

This thread is beginning to set the precedent that hate jokes are ok. They are not. Closed.