Chuck Norris Beer Facts

[completegeek]

MOD EDIT: Thread moved. Please don't post this sort of stuff in the technical forums.

Chuck Norris has a 6 pack every night...a six pack of kegs.

Chuck Norris' piss has 8% ABV and 70 IBUs

If you have 5 beers and Chuck Norris has 5 beers, Chuck Norris has more beer than you.

Chuck Norris can eat hops, barley, yeast, and water and piss Russian Imperial Stout in a matter of minutes.

Chuck Norris' Guinness is carbonated with nitroglycerin.

Chuck Norris force carbonates with a round house kick.

Dead Guy Ale is really made from Chuck Norris round house kick victims.

Chuck Norris has no need for lauter tuns. The grains release the sugars out of fear.


All of these are 100% true and have been scientifically proven.

 

[sagnew440]

Hillarious

 

[Waunabeer]

Ummm, ok. There's a minute or two I'll never get back.

 

[JetSmooth]

Chuck Norris has no need for lauter tuns. The grains release the sugars out of fear.

Winner!

 

[completegeek]

Chuck Norris knows the location of the Lost Abbey

Chuck Norris' favorite beer is Broken Glass.

Chuck Norris can boil wort in his bare hands.

 

[Shrewd_Alchemist]

Ummm, ok. There's a minute or two I'll never get back.

Yet you felt the need to further waste time by commenting? Plus the title of the thread was spot on, you can't say you came in here for something else!

I love the force carbonating one

 

[daugenet]

Ummm, ok. There's a minute or two I'll never get back.

Sorry I couldnt read your post....got distracted by your avatar

 

[bmud0314]

The foam fears Chuck Norris.

 

[JetSmooth]

Chuck Norris can take 24 to 72 hrs to show visible signs.

He can, but he never does.

 

[pwndabear]

Chuck Norris has 200% efficiency when he brews... with extracts.

 

[pwndabear]

Chuck Norris' tears are made of beer and can cure cancer. Too bad Chuck Norris never cries.

(yes, i am aware this is a variation of an existing Chuck Norris fact, but I like mine better)

 

[Zamial]

Chuck Norris gives new meaning to "mash in" and "mash out"...

 

[JetSmooth]

Chuck Norris force carbs . . . . with his fists.

 

[scrambledegg81]

Chuck Norris' Guinness is carbonated with lightning.

Fix't.

 

[pwndabear]

Chuck Norris walked into a bar... everybody died quickly and painfully.

 

[lurker18]

It doesn't matter if it is pop top or screw top, Chuck Norris squeezes the caps on by hand.

Chuck Norris bottles in clear bottles, and tells the sun to leave his beer alone.

Chuck Norris does not sanitize, there isn't an infection that would dare screw up his beer.

Chuck Norris entered his Bud Lite clone as a RIS, and won, the judges were afraid to give bad scores.

 

[completegeek]

Chuck Norris' tears are made of beer and can cure cancer. Too bad Chuck Norris never cries.

(yes, i am aware this is a variation of an existing Chuck Norris fact, but I like mine better)

I like it better, too!

 

[completegeek]

Chuck Norris boils his wort with his rage.

 

[pwndabear]

Chuck Norris dry-hops with the souls of his unfortunate victims.

Chuck Norris' beers always score 50 taste points. ALWAYS.

Chuck Norris sanitizes his brewing equipment with angry stares.

Chuck Norris ferments in the skulls of his enemies.

Chuck Norris doesn't drop carboys, he annihilates them.

Chuck Norris begins his brews by running 88mph, forward in time, and back to the present with the finished product.

 

[arturo7]

CN makes his sour beers by ignoring them.

 

[completegeek]

Chuck Norris uses the tears of his victims to sparge.

 

[azscoob]

The foam fears Chuck Norris.

Winner!

 

[captianoats]

Chuck Norris can make a lager on the surface of the sun.

 

[Hannable1975]

Chuck Norris punched a Simcoe Hop and it turned into a grapefruit.

 

[JNye]

Chuck Norris has started a glass vs. plastic thread and not even Revvy has commented with a link.

 

[JNye]

Chuck Norris does not own a grain mill.

He has never experienced a stuck sparge and has no idea what rice hulls are for.

His grain does not need diastastic power, he simply gives it "the look".

 

[pwndabear]

Chuck Norris doesn't use yeast. His beer ferments out of fear.

 

[Hannable1975]

Chuck Norris does not need a hydrometer - and always goes to secondary after 7 days.

 

[soundsandsuds]

Chuck Norris lost a homebrew competition once.....

to Bruce Lee's Fists of Fuggles / Pale 2 Row SMASH!!!

 

[Hannable1975]

Chuck Norris can fit a 5 gallon wort into a 3 gallon Better Bottle.

 

[completegeek]

Chuck Norris doesn't have alcohol in his blood stream, he has blood in his alcohol stream.

 

[Zacharias]

When Chuck Norris drinks beer, he doesnt get drunk, The beer gets "chuck".

 

[azscoob]

Chuck Norris lost a homebrew competition once.....

to Bruce Lee's Fists of Fuggles / Pale 2 Row SMASH!!!

I revisit the earlier win, revoke and re-WIN!!

Face kick to the beard of doom!

 

[KCBrewer]

IIPA was created by a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick to an MGD 64.

 

[northernlad]

Chuck Norris chews barley and hops with a yeast slurry chaser, ferments in his stomach, secondaries in his bladder and pisses 20% Barleywine.

 

[Laughing_Gnome_Invisible]

Chuck Norris not only does infomercials, Chuck Norris sells crap to idiots on infomercials.

I'll try to catch up to the trend later.

 

[completegeek]

Your favorite beer style is whatever Chuck Norris is drinking.

Everyone loved the first batch Chuck Norris brewed. Then he killed them all with a swift roundhouse kick. All went to heaven with no regrets.

 

[pwndabear]

Chuck Norris' beard brews beer.

 

[jturie]

Chuck Norris can stain stainless steel

Chuck Norris is the most interesting man in the world. He doesn't always drink beer, but he wouldn't be caught dead drinking Dos Equis.

 

[pwndabear]

Chuck Norris' favorite beer is the one that you just handed him out of sheer terror.