thoughts, prayers, well wishes plz

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antony

antony

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hey gang...

so...my life's sucked the last two weeks and I need some ears and hopefully a few well wishes/prayers if you're so inclined.

My 39 year old wife was diagnosed with lung cancer just over a week ago. Oncologist said its in the advanced stages and we're rushing to get her into chemotherapy this week or early next. My world is falling apart. We've been together for nearly 18 years and I cannot imagine my life without her.

Hopes are that she is young/strong/healthy enough to withstand aggressive treatment that will shrink the tumor a bit and keep it from spreading. Its currently only in her lung/rib. I am doing my best to hold it together for her...telling her we're moving fast, that she's young & strong, that we will beat this. She's asleep now, not feeling well today and I am falling apart as I write this. I know I'm not the only one to go through this and I know that for every sad story there is a happy story of a family overcoming the odds. I know "it's one day at a time, treasure every moment, believe you can beat this"....but I need some extra help today.

If you're inclined to say a prayer or ask the universe for some healing & more time for me & my beautiful wife Melanie to enjoy our much too short lives together, I'd greatly appreciate it. If you are married or have a wonderful gf/bf that you could not imagine your life without, give them a big hug and hold on tight.
 
Wow! I can't even imagine getting that diagnosis. My 64-yo dad got a leukemia diagnosis last year and that was extremely rough. (He's doing great now though so take heart!) I will certainly be praying that God will give you and your wife His strength and His peace in knowing that everything happens in His timing and according to His perfect will.
 
My wife survived a very upsetting discovery of breast cancer a year after our second son was born. All you can do is be present for her and be as active as you can in her treatment and recovery. Keep in mind there is a higher power that will dictate the outcome so don't take that all on yourself.

I hope your nearby friends and neighbors are aware of what you're going through and can provide some meals & support. Our community was great in that way and it made a huge difference to us.

I pray for you two.
 
Prayers for her healing and peace to you both. The odds can be beat. My stepmom was diagnosed with late stage cancer in many places throughout her body and was told to get her affairs in order. She didn't care for that's doctor's opinion and got another from someplace else. They had the same diagnosis but told her they would fight as long as she wanted to.

With her faith, change in diet, and taking a supplement called Protocel, she did some chemo and a surgery or two, and was cleared for about 10 years. At one point the doctor said she she had maybe two weeks, right before she quit chemo. You can read about it in her book, Winning the Battle Against Cancer, by Elaine Hulliberger. It's at Amazon. If I hadn't witnessed her recovery personally, I would not have believed it.

In any case, care for your wife and stay strong for her. She needs you to help her stay positive.
 
I'm agnostic and don't pray, but I do hope whatever deity you hold dear watches over, protects and guides you and your wife through this
 
wanted to thank everyone for their kind words, thoughts, and prayers. Mel had a rough morning but woke up and was feeling well enough to run out and grab dinner and some gardening items. When she's awake I have all the hope in the world, I can't imagine her not being here and think about all the years that have passed us by and all the plans that we still have. When she's sleeping I fall apart, feel so alone and dread the day when we are no longer together. I'm amazed at how fast time has flown by...and how a good majority of the time I was too busy to enjoy every last second of it.

she's my rock, gang. keep the good vibes/prayers coming please...I'm a huge believer in karma and I've been making deposits my entire life. thx again.
 
I'm really sorry to hear. Good vibes sent your way.

Remember, a prognosis is only an average. This includes the young and old, the weak and strong. Tell her to keep on fighting. She can beat the odds.
 
Antony, I know where your head is at. Got my own diagnosis on Valentine's day two years ago. In many ways, harder to be in your shoes as a caregiver.

One foot in front of the other, brother. Educate yourself, surround your wife with the best medical team you can muster, and lean on all the support group (family, friends, church, community, etc.) that you can.

All the best thoughts for you and Mel headed your way from this survivor.

Rich
 
So sorry to hear that you and your wife are facing this big challenge, and glad you have each other. You are right Antony, never take the good stuff for granted, with that said, there are new treatments that are based on our DNA, stem cell treatments and such available if chemo isn't the best approach. Do look into complementary therapies for the stress and symptom management. May you both have strength and optimism as you navigate the path to healing. You have my support.
 
today was a good day. more good days than bad they say...

managed to get her pain meds early in the the morning so she felt good when she got up. she'd planned to get her nails done and have lunch with a friend (while I got to work) and felt better than yesterday. We had drinks this evening with some good friends we hadn't seen in awhile (lagunitas citrusinensis, all day ipa, and some ballast point peppermint at sea).

Pulled the bandage off her chemo port tonight...she was grossed out (I thought it was cool...very matrixy).

She's laughing & smiling, enjoying every second of it and hoping for many more years. Waiting on Human(a) to approve chemo (calling them in the morning)...hoping/praying all goes well from here on out. Keep the thoughts coming gang, I believe it makes a difference.

thanks again & in advance...
 
Sh** bruv that's horrible. I'm not the religious type but I'll keep you and your wife in my thoughts. A local craft brewer recently lost his wife to cancer. My grandmother was just diagnosed as well. I don't know what I would do if my wife were handed that diagnosis, besides fight like hell. Tears me apart just thinking about it.

Pulling for her (and you) mate.
 
Wow brother sorry to hear that. Prayers from our family to yours. I am no stranger to cancer it well imbedded in my family but thankfully not my wife. I would absolutely fall apart if that was my wife. Hang in there and stay positive for her.
 
Antony

Sorry to hear about this diagnosis and what you and all those who love Melanie are going through. I will certainly pray for Melanie and you.

I know you used very inclusive language in your original post, and maybe that is trying to be inviting during a time of need which is completely understandable. I however would encourage you to lean on whatever faith tradition you have. That is to say if you are christian, jewish, or muslim fall on your knees before God in prayer. If you're new age or an eastern religion, do what you trust and if that is agnostic/atheist then it is what it is and you need to trust your doctors. Whatever you do, have faith, Believe brother BELIEVE!

I am a United Methodist minister and if you need someone to talk with or to help process some of this I'd be happy to help, just message me here with your number and I'll get back to you. I obviously believe in prayer and it's power to be an intercessory tool.

The one thing I'd like to make as a crystal clear statement is that your loved one's suffering isn't God's doing nor God's will. It is important that you know that. WIthout giving to much of a theological reason for that I would say that sin entered the world and its inhabitants through the actions of humanity, not God, and we are dealing with the consequences of that reality, a world infected with sin (similar to yeast in a wort or bread dough, it eventually influences the whole batch).

(please no one turn this thread or my post into a religious discussion, now is a time to comfort and love Antony & family, not solve the world's problems. I am completely okay and even encourage others of other faith traditions to share their own unique encouragements but to not disagree in this thread)

Peace, Grace, & Healing be with Melanie and you. Amen.
 
Homercidal said:
Prayers for her healing and peace to you both. The odds can be beat. My stepmom was diagnosed with late stage cancer in many places throughout her body and was told to get her affairs in order. She didn't care for that's doctor's opinion and got another from someplace else. They had the same diagnosis but told her they would fight as long as she wanted to.

With her faith, change in diet, and taking a supplement called Protocel, she did some chemo and a surgery or two, and was cleared for about 10 years. At one point the doctor said she she had maybe two weeks, right before she quit chemo. You can read about it in her book, Winning the Battle Against Cancer, by Elaine Hulliberger. It's at Amazon. If I hadn't witnessed her recovery personally, I would not have believed it.

In any case, care for your wife and stay strong for her. She needs you to help her stay positive.
Click to expand...


I purchased and read the book. I found the Protocel very interesting. I have no doubt that there are non-drug treatments for plenty of illnesses that the drug companies and medical professionals don't want to consider.
 
I hope for all the best, cancer sucks. Your a short hop from San Marcos if you ever need a drinking buddy some night.
 
Antony, I wish you and Melanie all the best as she fights this cancer. My thoughts and prayers are with both of you. Please take good care of yourself so that you can take good care of Melanie. She'll be strong for you and you need to be strong for her. God Bless you both!
 
I've always hated Mondays. Today's the first day since we found out her diagnosis that I'll have to leave her alone for awhile. Payroll's due and I have to go in to the office for a few hours to get that taken care of. I'm leaving her asleep, with thoughts that she'll only have to spend a couple of hours by herself before I'm home. She's physically well enough to be on her own (hell, she's probably annoyed that I've been doting on her) but I worry about what she'll dwell on when I'm not here. I constantly reassure her that we'll make it through this, that there's many more days left for us...we'll still have the time to do all the things we've dreamed about doing. I worry endlessly when I'm not by her side.

Tomorrow is our 'chemo teach' class. I'm assuming she'll start chemo any day this week. Going to need all the prayers/thoughts this week that anyone can muster. We dyed her hair Saturday, with the thought that she'll most likely lose it (hers, not mine). I think she's come to terms with that now, as the most important thing is she survives and makes it through this battle.

Now nearly 3 weeks in, I still sob each morning while she is asleep. I can't help but realize how alone I am when she's sleeping. She's been managing very well during the day and she's strong as a tiny ox...I believe she'll fight and pull through, I just wish this was my fight and not hers.

I really appreciate the chance to sound off & share...please keep her in your thoughts.
 
I'm out of practice with praying, but you're not the first person who's given me good reason to give it another try recently. Earnest well-wishing and prayer for blessings on you and your wife.
 
antony said:
I've always hated Mondays. Today's the first day since we found out her diagnosis that I'll have to leave her alone for awhile. Payroll's due and I have to go in to the office for a few hours to get that taken care of. I'm leaving her asleep, with thoughts that she'll only have to spend a couple of hours by herself before I'm home. She's physically well enough to be on her own (hell, she's probably annoyed that I've been doting on her) but I worry about what she'll dwell on when I'm not here. I constantly reassure her that we'll make it through this, that there's many more days left for us...we'll still have the time to do all the things we've dreamed about doing. I worry endlessly when I'm not by her side.

Tomorrow is our 'chemo teach' class. I'm assuming she'll start chemo any day this week. Going to need all the prayers/thoughts this week that anyone can muster. We dyed her hair Saturday, with the thought that she'll most likely lose it (hers, not mine). I think she's come to terms with that now, as the most important thing is she survives and makes it through this battle.

Now nearly 3 weeks in, I still sob each morning while she is asleep. I can't help but realize how alone I am when she's sleeping. She's been managing very well during the day and she's strong as a tiny ox...I believe she'll fight and pull through, I just wish this was my fight and not hers.

I really appreciate the chance to sound off & share...please keep her in your thoughts.
Click to expand...

I think that's important that she has come to terms with losing her hair. This aspect of chemo can really be upsetting to many women. Have you discussed getting a wig or anything? I know this may sound a bit trivial, but it's sometimes the little things that can improve her morale.

The most important thing for her, besides the treatment, is that she knows you're there for her. Don't be afraid to ask others for assistance though. Being the caregiver can be very physically, mentally, and emotionally draining.

Sorry there's not much more that we can do for you and your wife here on this forum. Just know that we're here listening whenever you need to vent.
 
Antony, I've been through the battle with cancer from the family member/care giver side of the fence and I won't lie to you, it's tough. I know that you're doing everything that you can to support Melanie and I'm certain that she appreciates it. One of the most powerful things that you can do to help Melanie is to keep a positive attitude and be a source of strength for her. But in order to be strong, you're going to need some help and support of your own. You need to find someone that can be your rock, someone that you can talk to when the going gets tough and you need a shoulder to lean on. That someone can be a close family member, a trusted friend or a member of the Church. You need to reach out to someone to help you keep your strength up and maintain a positive attitude for Melanie's sake. I also recommend that you look into a support group, they can work wonders and help you through the tough parts.

I'm praying for both of you and wish you the best! God Bless you both!
 
just an update...

Yesterday she had another 800mL of fluid drained out of her lung (pleura), a result of the cancerous cells producing fluid. It was her 3rd time being through the procedure over the last month, although this was the least amount of fluid she'd had built up. Today was also our first chemo day. Long 7 hour day...followed by 3 weeks of rest and then another. 6 cycles scheduled, with a reevaluation after the second cycle. We were both pretty apprehensive before the start of the day but all the oncology nurses were dynamite in explaining everything every step of the way. All in all, she looks good today if only a little drugged up. We're both waiting for the nausea/exhaustion hammer to drop...word is that's probably Saturday. She's pretty irritated my the metallic smell/taste from the chemo, but "it's not gonna kill" her. My tiny little ox.

We've had TMBG tix for a few months now...the show is in one week. She desperately wants to go & we have a checkup next Thursday, so hopefully her wbc counts are good enough that the doctor's won't insist on her skipping out.
Sucks not being able to do more for her. I'd trade places with her in an instant but, honestly, she's much more tenacious than I am. Just breaks my heart to see her so sad.

On a brewing note...hoping I have time to keg a chocolate stout I made a month ago before all this hit. I'd also picked up 3 taps to add to my 2 tap kegerator...hoping I have time to work on that this Saturday morning. Really trying to adjust to the "new normal"...it sucks, but it'd suck more if she wasn't here.

kiss your wives, hug your kids, & please keep the prayers & good thoughts coming.
 
I don't know what to say, but I wanted to let you know I was thinking of you (and her). I don't have any answers, or even questions, so I'm not much help at all- but I wanted to let you know that you were on my heart.
 

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