The insult game

[CreamyGoodness]

Here's the game. Post your best insult, either one you made up or heard elsewhere. The catch is that it has to make little or no sense. Under no circumstances are these insults to be hurled at one another for any reason other than comedy, and if this gets heated I will slap everyone involved iwth a salmon. I'll do it.

Some examples of my favorites:

F**k a fruit basket!
Stick a waffle in your oriface!
You're like a yard sale... you got one of everything but none of them match

and

If my dog looked like you I'd slap my mother



Enjoy folks.

 

[m_c_zero]

Why don't you go outside and play a nice game of hide and go f*ck yourself?

Edit: Side note - why are we always censoring ourselves on this forum, doesn't it clearly state NSFW?

 

[CreamyGoodness]

Edit: Side note - why are we always censoring ourselves on this forum, doesn't it clearly state NSFW?

Oh, stop whining you fecal fishingnet.

 

[bob1852]

You're half the man that cheezy is.

Oh wait, that wasn't personal, was it?

Okay, cheezy is double the man you are.

 

[CreamyGoodness]

AZ, you're the Don Quixote of donkey dookie.

 

[sweetcell]

may electric eels invade your hot-tub.

 

[Golddiggie]

Did your parents have any kids without brain damage?
You're a walking case for abortion.
ESAD
FOAD
Your father was a hamster and your mother smelled of elderberries.
If you had another living brain cell it would be lonely.
You can't afford to give anyone a piece of your mind.
Go play hop-scotch in a mine field.

 

[Glynn]

You couldn't be the life of the party at a morgue

 

[CreamyGoodness]

Funny, you couldnt get laid on death row of a woman's prison with a fistful of pardons.

 

[day_trippr]

I don't know what the hell is wrong with all of you, but I bet it's hard to pronounce...

Cheers! :cross:

 

[FourSeasonAngler]

Just calm that cheese grater there nippledick.

 

[KayaBrew]

"You look like ten pounds of sh*t stuffed into a 5 pound sack!"

 

[mjdonnelly68]

You're so ugly that your mother used to have to tie an Atari 2600 around your neck to get your brother to play with you.

 

[mjdonnelly68]

You're so ugly that your mother used to have to tie an Atari 2600 around your neck to get your brother to play with you.

Wait a minute, that made a little too much sense.

How about this:

You're so fat that long-haul truckers wear YOUR bumper out.

 

[MustBeZ]

Why don't you go suck a fat baby's dick?

 

[Chamuco]

You're all a bunch of pubes.

 

[homebrewhaha]

My personal favorite:

"Go take a crap in the lake"

 

[Golddiggie]

Dumber than a bag of hammers...

 

[m_c_zero]

My personal favorite:

Old bartender from Boondock Saints

"Why don't you make like a tree and...get the f*ck outta here!"

 

[hungry4hops]

i fart in your general direction! your mother was a hamster, and your father smelt of elderberries!

 

[kaconga]

May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your armpits.

 

[JonM]

Hopefully this won't derail this thread into yo Mama jokes, but one oft favorites is "Your mama so fat she fell in love and broke it."

 

[JonM]

I want to look him straight in the eye and I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey s**t he is! Hallelujah! Holy s**t! Where's the Tylenol?

 

[Tinhorn]

Why don't you run up an alley and yell fish!

 

[JonM]

Well this is just five monkeys f**kin' a football.

 

[hoppyhoppyhippo]

I got pissed off at someone for cutting me off and screamed in the car "Go on and cut me off with your illegal ass window tint" a few weeks (or months I forget) the same illegal ass window tint phrase was used by Lana Kane

 

[Goofynewfie]

Funny, you couldnt get laid on death row of a woman's prison with a fistful of pardons.

You once told me I'd be surprised at some of the women you had. After seeing some you were right...... I was suprised they were women!

 

[maxamuus]

Your family tree must be a cactus because everybody on it is a prick!

 

[MustBeZ]

http://www.quotefully.com/movie/Full+Metal+Jacket/Gunnery+Sergeant+Hartman

 

[dkwolf]

May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your armpits.

May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your crotch, and your arms be too short to scratch.

 

[annasdadhockey]

She is uglier than a bag of smashed ********.

 

[LabRatBrewer]

You're a modest little person, with much to be modest about.

 

[scratchy1971]

Your face looks like it caught fire and someone put it out with a shovel.

That's dumber than a screen door on a battleship.

 

[Diaperload]

I've got 2 words for you....shut the f**k up

 

[JonM]

Shut that c***'s mouth before I come over there and f*** start her head.

 

[JonM]

"She's uglier than homemade sin."

"He's so dumb he couldn't pour piss out of a boot if the instructions were printed on the heel."

 

[m_c_zero]

Your face looks like it caught fire and someone put it out with a shovel.

Your face looks like somebody tried to put out a forest fire with a screwdriver.

 

[gratus fermentatio]

You're so stupid, you couldn't find your own ass in the dark with 3 hands & a flashlight.

 

[VApatriot]

You're so stupid, you couldn't find your own ass in the dark with 3 hands & a flashlight.

Here's the version of the line above I heard while living in Tennessee:

"He's so lost he couldn't find his a$$hole with a map, a compass, and two Indian guides!"

Other favorite from Tennessee: "I wouldn't piss up his a$$ if his guts was on fahr!"

For a rather homely (or very scary looking) girl:

"I wouldn't f*ck you with his d*ck!"

 

[CreamyGoodness]

Insults by proxy

"You go tell that moose ******..."
"You go tell that ass spelunker..."
"You tell that fart sniffer..."