So, we now have our 5 candidates confirmed as being eligible for the FIFA presidency.
The election is February 26th
Here's a breakdown of each candidate:
Prince Ali Bin Al Hussein He's got a singing genie and he had a giant parade, how can he lose?
Sheikh Salman bin Ebrahim Al Khalifa I really enjoyed his latest album, Blacc Hollywood and his duet with Charlie Puth for the song "When I see You Again" featured on the movie "Furious 7" was really touching. Unlikely to win here though, FIFA executives are heartless bastards.
Jerome Champagne This man enjoys baguettes, cheese, wine, champagne, cigarettes and mocking American tourists. He's likely to win because he'll undermine FIFA executives' confidence.
Gianni Infantino Name translates to Giant Baby, also his mob name. Unlikely to win as the mob are small potatoes compared to FIFA, has the mob killed thousands of slaves in Qatar? I don't think so!
Tokyo Sexwale This is actually me, I'm the house DJ for FIFA parties. My music is an eclectic mix of J-Pop, whale songs and voice tracks from pornos. I don't know why the FIFA executives like it so much, but they're unlikely to give me the nod based on my music alone.
In all seriousness, Jerome Champagne is one of Blatter's old lackeys and is likely to replace him by all accounts. The circle of corruption is complete having ushered the filthy secrets into a dustpan, for now. Nothing substantive will change.