Dear Swedish,
Try Texas.
Mix copious amounts of cheese with ketchup. Wave pepper over it. Call texmex.
Sincerely,
I feel your pain
The "Dear" , "Sincerely" thread
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Try Texas.
Mix copious amounts of cheese with ketchup. Wave pepper over it. Call texmex.
Sincerely,
I feel your pain
Cheesy_Goodness
Well-Known Member
Dear mall shoppers,
How the hell did you manage to get a cart? Do they have carts in malls now?
Sincerely,
Doesn't get out much and doesn't care to.
How the hell did you manage to get a cart? Do they have carts in malls now?
Sincerely,
Doesn't get out much and doesn't care to.
gratus fermentatio
Well-Known Member
Dear museums: If you have a "no photography" policy, please have the common courtesy to say so in LARGE, BOLD PRINT, prominently on your website. Doing so will prevent people who drive for over an hour to get to your museum for the express purpose of shooting photos from wasting their time, fuel & money. Sincerely, you owe me $50. 
Dear Pain,
Round here it is more of a case of add corn, call Tex Mex.
Sincerely,
Grumble
Dear Grumble,
I have also experienced what the locals consider "Tex Mex" and agree that is more akin to "Minnesota Mex -or- Min Mex". My saving grace is that my best friend out here is a native-born Texan that learned the art of proper chili before he left. I brew him beer. He makes me chili.
Maybe make a friend?
Sincerely,
-Texan Exports are the Best
Your what? Oh, cHit....
odorf
Guru of Nothing
dear swedish
I got your hook up, You do not have to go with out your heat
http://westnewsmagazine.com/2015/08/03/60249/ellisville-resident-named-among-world-champions-of-hot-sauce
email death spiral sauce co @ gmail.com
I have bubbas bayou and jamican jammin
all i gotta say is OMG call the fire department and give you this little trick I learned in Texas at a mexican restaurant.
A REAL mexican restaurant, as in I was the only one who spoke english up in there. press 2 press 2
butter, put a little butter on a chip to cut the heat
I got your hook up, You do not have to go with out your heat
http://westnewsmagazine.com/2015/08/03/60249/ellisville-resident-named-among-world-champions-of-hot-sauce
email death spiral sauce co @ gmail.com
I have bubbas bayou and jamican jammin
all i gotta say is OMG call the fire department and give you this little trick I learned in Texas at a mexican restaurant.
A REAL mexican restaurant, as in I was the only one who spoke english up in there. press 2 press 2
butter, put a little butter on a chip to cut the heat
cjokrap
Well-Known Member
Dear HBT,
I missed you
Sincerely,
I'm back
I missed you
Sincerely,
I'm back
odorf
Guru of Nothing
Dear car salesmen,
just A note to inform you the disheveled gentlemen that came to your lot with the HOT strawberry redhead, Had just left work.
when I asked for the price of the little silver sports car, I was serious.
Your answer of "If you have to ask, You cant afford it."
Caused Me to go across the street to the Chevy dealer, where An hour later I pulled out 15k CASH for a little silver sports car.
As a wedding present for my new wife, The smok'n strawberry redhead.
Just thought you would like to know.
Sincerly, I work for a damn good live'n
just A note to inform you the disheveled gentlemen that came to your lot with the HOT strawberry redhead, Had just left work.
when I asked for the price of the little silver sports car, I was serious.
Your answer of "If you have to ask, You cant afford it."
Caused Me to go across the street to the Chevy dealer, where An hour later I pulled out 15k CASH for a little silver sports car.
As a wedding present for my new wife, The smok'n strawberry redhead.
Just thought you would like to know.
Sincerly, I work for a damn good live'n
Dear grinch,
"Collision avoidance" is a legitimate reason to break certain traffic laws in a legal fashion.
Sincerely, give me a reason. I like it.
Disclaimer: professional driver.
Dear professional driver,
Get the fawk out of the fast lane.
Sincerely,
Silver sports car
Dear 2015,
Would you flocc off and die already? Two family funerals, getting sued, some other random things, and now being called to serve for two weeks (the last two weeks of the year) on federal jurty duty.
Sincerely,
I have had enough. Here's to 2016
Would you flocc off and die already? Two family funerals, getting sued, some other random things, and now being called to serve for two weeks (the last two weeks of the year) on federal jurty duty.
Sincerely,
I have had enough. Here's to 2016
Dear MIL Live in Boyfriend
You are shady as flocc... Lets start that you are trying to take her estate for yourself, but your equally shady as floccin law firm worked with you to make sure the summons didn't show up till yesterday for a court date next Tuesday... thanks for putting us in a shotty situation with the holiday this week... Any lawyer that is backing you and your inability to be her legal guardian based on the way the law is written and trying to pull this over in such a short time span over a holiday just makes you and your lawyer all that more shady and even more of a POS...
If needed I am pulling the big guns out from the family lawyers and they will crush your shady as flocc ass in court.
Sincerely,
Your disabled and felony ass doesn't deserve **** the way you've taken advantage of her.
You are shady as flocc... Lets start that you are trying to take her estate for yourself, but your equally shady as floccin law firm worked with you to make sure the summons didn't show up till yesterday for a court date next Tuesday... thanks for putting us in a shotty situation with the holiday this week... Any lawyer that is backing you and your inability to be her legal guardian based on the way the law is written and trying to pull this over in such a short time span over a holiday just makes you and your lawyer all that more shady and even more of a POS...
If needed I am pulling the big guns out from the family lawyers and they will crush your shady as flocc ass in court.
Sincerely,
Your disabled and felony ass doesn't deserve **** the way you've taken advantage of her.
drainbamage
Keep HBT weird.
Dear Office,
Quit zapping me every time I touch something metal.
Sincerely,
The Human Van de Graaff Generator
Quit zapping me every time I touch something metal.
Sincerely,
The Human Van de Graaff Generator
Dear Generator,
Carry a dryer sheet in your pocket. It works for some reason
Sincerely,
Have fresh out of the dryer pocket change too.
Dear Karma,
Stop bitchslapping good people over the holiday's. I know I have like NO connection with this girl outside of saving her from an unscrulous garage when she tried to sell her PERFECTLY FINE Volvo 240 for scrap, but I have oddly played weird uncle/Volvo guru to her for 3+ years. She works for non-profit charity organizations for chrissake.
Why did you send the texting a-hole into the back of her beloved car at 45 mph one week after she relocated and started a new job?
Sincerely,
Guy trying to help out from way to far away because Karma apparently has a sick sense of humor
Stop bitchslapping good people over the holiday's. I know I have like NO connection with this girl outside of saving her from an unscrulous garage when she tried to sell her PERFECTLY FINE Volvo 240 for scrap, but I have oddly played weird uncle/Volvo guru to her for 3+ years. She works for non-profit charity organizations for chrissake.
Why did you send the texting a-hole into the back of her beloved car at 45 mph one week after she relocated and started a new job?
Sincerely,
Guy trying to help out from way to far away because Karma apparently has a sick sense of humor
Beernik
Well-Known Member
Dear Sports Bar,
Your are playing Duran Duran and the Cure.
Sincerely,
Sports Fan
Your are playing Duran Duran and the Cure.
Sincerely,
Sports Fan
Beernik
Well-Known Member
Dear "Roadhouse" Restaurant,
Roadhouses are actual things. Unless your restaurant is in an actual roadhouse, your name should not have roadhouse in it.
Sincerely,
Need to find a new dive bar
Roadhouses are actual things. Unless your restaurant is in an actual roadhouse, your name should not have roadhouse in it.
Sincerely,
Need to find a new dive bar
odorf
Guru of Nothing
dear waitress.
Hey, i am the guy over here that got up and went and got my own damn tea. also, the guy that interrupted your discussion with the fellow waitress about hair extensions. to ask for silverware
i know you expect a 15% tip when I get up to leave, You will get this note and thats it.
A tip is a Gratuity, I dont OWE you ****.
the way this works is, you bust your ass to make my dinning experience a memorable one. AND i am so pleased you did, I give you some EXTRA
money on top of the bill.
BUT, Girl Friend, you suck as a waitress. so My tip to you.
go work at arbys, all you gotta remember there
WILL that be horsey sauce or Arby sauce
sincerely, they guy with the empty glass
Hey, i am the guy over here that got up and went and got my own damn tea. also, the guy that interrupted your discussion with the fellow waitress about hair extensions. to ask for silverware
i know you expect a 15% tip when I get up to leave, You will get this note and thats it.
A tip is a Gratuity, I dont OWE you ****.
the way this works is, you bust your ass to make my dinning experience a memorable one. AND i am so pleased you did, I give you some EXTRA
money on top of the bill.
BUT, Girl Friend, you suck as a waitress. so My tip to you.
go work at arbys, all you gotta remember there
WILL that be horsey sauce or Arby sauce
sincerely, they guy with the empty glass
1977Brewer
Free Dan Hess.
Beernik
Well-Known Member
Dear Seriously,
Duran Duran & the Cure are okay, it wasn't my scene. But I've never heard 80s New Wave in a sports bar before.
Sincerely,
80s Hip Hop Fan
Duran Duran & the Cure are okay, it wasn't my scene. But I've never heard 80s New Wave in a sports bar before.
Sincerely,
80s Hip Hop Fan
1977Brewer
Free Dan Hess.
Dear Hip Hop,
You get a pass because hip hop.
Sincerely,
I Can't Live Without My Radio
slym2none
"Lazy extract brewer."
Dear USPS,
When I schedule a pick-up the day before Thanksgiving, on a 2-Day Priority Package, it's because I need it delivered by the weekend, and I can't get to the PO myself; so, when you don't pick up the parcel, nor even deliver my mail, it makes me wonder what I am paying for.
Sincerely, GFY
When I schedule a pick-up the day before Thanksgiving, on a 2-Day Priority Package, it's because I need it delivered by the weekend, and I can't get to the PO myself; so, when you don't pick up the parcel, nor even deliver my mail, it makes me wonder what I am paying for.
Sincerely, GFY
odorf
Guru of Nothing
Dear Artificial Computer voice
I hate you, I do not want to hear 17 different options.
shut up and give me customer service!!
sincerely surly
I hate you, I do not want to hear 17 different options.
shut up and give me customer service!!
sincerely surly
Dear surly,
I'm not sure I understood. Was that "billing and payments?"
Sincerely,
Programmed in India.
Dear Homebrewtalk
Happy Thanksgiving!
Sincerely
Max
Happy Thanksgiving!
Sincerely
Max
Dear Surly and Programmed in India,
Just keep hitting zero....that almost always gets you to to a human operator.
Sincerely,
I also hate voice prompt phone systems.
Just keep hitting zero....that almost always gets you to to a human operator.
Sincerely,
I also hate voice prompt phone systems.
Dear Niece,
Shut the hell up. I'm trying to take a nap.
Sincerely,
You're a rotten child and no one will be surprised when you spend 8-18 locked up.
Shut the hell up. I'm trying to take a nap.
Sincerely,
You're a rotten child and no one will be surprised when you spend 8-18 locked up.
Dear Not Surprised,
You're cranky when you're tired. Those kids should get off the lawn too...
Sincerely,
Your Bottle Cellar sounds like fun!
Dear SWMBO,
No worries, I'm not getting any ideas. Three kids in Three years sounds terrifying. If we're going to be outnumbered #1 better be out of diapers. Now have a drink and let the good times roll... Is it New Years Eve yet?
Sincerely,
I love my kids... Honestly...
No worries, I'm not getting any ideas. Three kids in Three years sounds terrifying. If we're going to be outnumbered #1 better be out of diapers. Now have a drink and let the good times roll... Is it New Years Eve yet?
Sincerely,
I love my kids... Honestly...
SupervisingChildren
Well-Known Member
Dear loves his kids,
Got 2 of my own and not looking for more. Misses has other ideas.
Sincerely,
Gonna be in for another loving surprise one of these days... maybe
Got 2 of my own and not looking for more. Misses has other ideas.
Sincerely,
Gonna be in for another loving surprise one of these days... maybe
Dear Gonna...,
That's quite the Freudian slip. Thanks for the laugh.
Sincerely,
The Spelling Nazi
