Smart people can be so dumb

[enohcs]

I had a customer (a Phd scientist) just today call me and rip me a new one for selling him a $20k piece of equipment that was in his words "a $20k door stop." I sold him a lemon. So I sent over a technician to take a look. Funny thing was once he plugged the machine in, it worked just fine.
I can only imagine the call I'm going to get when he sees the bill for $750 to have someone plug in his machine.

 

[jaycount]

Color me shocked

Customer told me their phone couldn't receive incoming calls the other day. They were calling the wrong number...

 

[NebraskaBrewer]

So it didn't work when in o.f.f. mode eh?

 

[milesvdustin]

I work on helicopters in the Marines, and one time I made a joke to a pilot that his issue was the cockpit actuator... He did not find my joke very funny!

 

[mcwilcr]

I work on helicopters in the Marines, and one time I made a joke to a pilot that his issue was the cockpit actuator... He did not find my joke very funny!

hahaha... Nice!

 

[bad67z]

I have been in the welding industry for 20 yrs. I have heard quite a few winners over the years. But while working the customer counter one day at a welding distributor I experienced my personal favorite.

Me: How can I help you sir?

Customer: My needle on my high pressure O2 gauge is sticking is says to "USE NO OIL" do you sell that here?



You can't make this stuff up!

 

[Inodoro_Pereyra]

I had a customer (a Phd scientist) just today call me and rip me a new one for selling him a $20k piece of equipment that was in his words "a $20k door stop." I sold him a lemon. So I sent over a technician to take a look. Funny thing was once he plugged the machine in, it worked just fine.
I can only imagine the call I'm going to get when he sees the bill for $750 to have someone plug in his machine.

Well, you know...phd="piled high & deep"...

I could fill pages with stories like that one.
One I remember right now: back in '87, I was working as a technician for Olympia, fixing electronic typewriters. One day, right when I got back from a customer visit, my boss told me the customer had complained that I had screwed up her machine.
So I went back there, just to have her thoroughly insult me when she opened the door, telling me I was an idiot, I didn't know what the hell I was doing, etc.
When I finally got to the machine and turned it on, I saw the carriage move all the way to the left (like it's supposed to), and then move back to the center, and, no matter what I did, it wouldn't move from there.
So I looked at her, liberated one margin, moved the carriage to the side, set a new margin, and repeated the process for the other margin. Guess what? All of a sudden, the machine was working again! Just so happen that one of her coworkers had pulled a prank on her, and she didn't have the brain to check before blaming others.
She was kind of embarrased afterwards...

 

[DregAddict]

The valets at the club where I work deal with a lot of cars that have push button starts. Some of them have key slots still where you can place the key FOB. One time a guy came back to the club hours after leaving and said that the valet had kept his key. He said the car was running when he retrieved it, so he didn't notice. Also he said that he had been running errands and since he didn't have his key and wouldn't be able to turn the car back on, he left it running while he went in and out of the stores. When he came back cussing up a storm the valet showed him that the FOB was in the key slot the whole time. The guy just had no idea that the slot was there. He always kept the FOB in his pocket when he drove.

He then blamed the valet for not telling him where the FOB was and left.

 

[KuntyBrew]

when i worked for DirecTv ihad3 call backs on a customer who was a brain surgeon complaining i messed his home theater system up(thousands of dollars custom wiring, ect) and all three time hit the INPUT button and explained it to him how to fix it himself even left instructions on how to hit the button, no fail 30 min later boss is calling for me to go back, yep want that guy poking around in my head

 

[Inodoro_Pereyra]

when i worked for DirecTv ihad3 call backs on a customer who was a brain surgeon complaining i messed his home theater system up(thousands of dollars custom wiring, ect) and all three time hit the INPUT button and explained it to him how to fix it himself even left instructions on how to hit the button, no fail 30 min later boss is calling for me to go back, yep want that guy poking around in my head

You worked for DirecTV? Advanced Technologies, or DirecTV itself?

 

[Steelers77]

When I started my current position they had in-line condensers to chill flue gas and remove moisture to get a "dry" sample. The PhD kept telling me that it barely removes any moisture and he was sure he hooked it up correctly. I looked at it for about 30 seconds and asked him if he realized the chiller had no power. He only wired the peristaltic pump and not the chiller so the gas was just flowing through without being chilled. They ran this system for 2 years before I showed up.

I won't mention the 18K he spent on swaglocks whose intended use was for plumbing process air and he was running dirty, ashy, flue gas through it. Destroyed $400 3way valves!

 

[NWMOBrewer]

These are great, but work in a restaurant. I had one guy ask where the sink was while I was working with him. We have many, many customers bring their marinara sauce up and ask why there is a leaf in there, because they find the bayleaf. Bayleaf is used in almost every marinera sauce ever. They always come up and ask "Did your door blow open a while back or something?" And we are inside and room, in a student union.

 

[Homercidal]

Where I used to work it can get kind of stupid. They keep a copy of everything in case the owner needs to see it. One time the personal assistant asked her boss if it was ok to shred a stack of documents, and her boss told her ok, but make a copy first.

 

[Sandy]

Just send him an itemized bill:

1 min Labor to plug equip. in -------------------$5
Knowing that the equip requires electricity----$745

 

[Bithead]

I've had 2 of those calls this week. Monday drove an hour and a half to the site, get through security, contact the network center, 30 minutes to find the correct equipment room...it's the one without power. Over 30 minutes to locate security / building maintenance to find the breakers. Just plain silly, but I do make a living at this.

Second one was internet & mail down complaint. Customer contacted his ISP who told him it was an "incomplete device" error so he's trying to find out what device on his network is causing the problem. I found the network wire from the router to his patch panel was unplugged at the panel.

Must be going around in the air or something with this many ID10T errors in the same week.

 

[KuntyBrew]

You worked for DirecTV? Advanced Technologies, or DirecTV itself?

Premier communications an contractor out of Greenbay WI thank god the went out of business a horrible company to work for

 

[sendkyleanemail]

Where I used to work it can get kind of stupid. They keep a copy of everything in case the owner needs to see it. One time the personal assistant asked her boss if it was ok to shred a stack of documents, and her boss told her ok, but make a copy first.

THAT's funny!!! LMAO

 

[Inodoro_Pereyra]

Premier communications an contractor out of Greenbay WI thank god the went out of business a horrible company to work for

Hmmm...I worked for Advanced Technologies. 2 1/2 years of 100-120 hrs a week. I sure don't miss working for them...

 

[BargainMugs]

I worked as a parking garage attendant for a gated community during summers between college semesters. One day a woman walked up to me and asked if I could get someone to jump her dead battery. No problem, it happens from time to time.

It was a manual rental. She forgot to press in the clutch.

 

[sendkyleanemail]

My own daughter had her bedroom window open with the screen also open on a windy fall day. When I asked her why, she informed me she had just washed a ball cap and was letting it air dry. "Cool" I said, "But please close the screen, you are letting bugs and leaves and dirt blow in". She looked at me like I was crazy and said "But my hat won't dry!" I replied, yes, it will. The screen let's air flow and keeps bugs and dirt out, it'll be fine. A look of epic skepticism crossed her face and she said "Are you sure?"

 

[SwampassJ]

I clean pools for many Doctors, Lawyers, Psychologist, Surgeons and one person who owns a Development Company. Of this group the only one that doesn't act like he should be trying to bite his own ear is the Developer. My favorite is when I ask them to turn the hose off for me in an hour because I won't be in the area. "How do I do that?"

 

[bengerman]

i used to work for Worldmark, a large points-based timeshare company. (no, i wasn't the a$$hole who calls you at dinner, i was in the reservations department)
talking to 120 people per day, i definitely go many dumb questions and calls, but one of the classics (and i got this several times) was "do i need a passport to go to Hawaii?"

at the paint store i used to work at, i got asked once if we sold any paint that wasn't lead-based.

 

[Brewer_Steve]

I work with computers.
When someone is doing something wrong but blames the computer for their mistake, we call it a "Code 17". That means that the problem is 17 inches from the monitor.

 

[ChshreCat]

I work in the media services department at a college. I spend much of my time teaching PhD's how to operate complicated things like DVD players and remote controls. Some of them need multiple sessions before they can load a powerpoint from a thumb drive on their own.

 

[El Pistolero]

I work in the media services department at a college. I spend much of my time teaching PhD's how to operate complicated things like DVD players and remote controls. Some of them need multiple sessions before they can load a powerpoint from a thumb drive on their own.

You do realize that all of those PhD's get together every night in their little phud bar (it's probably called the Physics is Phun Tavern, or something like that), and sip wine coolers and flip coins to see whose turn it is to yank your chain next? Sooner or later one of them will get you to stroke out, then he'll be declared the winner and'll get to wear the bowtie for the next month.

 

[HexKrak]

When I worked for a company taking calls to help people set up their DSL for the first time we'd often start diagnosing by reading through the instructions. Instruction #1, don't use a phone line splitter, plug directly into the wall.

This call would happen about once a week:
Me: "Sir, can you describe the equipment starting at the wall jack and working your way to the modem?"

Customer: "Yeah, there's a splitter plugged into the jack, and the phone cord plugged into that, which is plugged into the modem."

Me: "Sir the splitter is going to prevent your internet from working, can you remove it?"

Customer: "Sure...", *clunk* *click* *dialtone*

Can you guess what was plugged into the other side of that splitter?

 

[rycov]

i used to work at a restaurant. i've gotten people more than once by telling them, "DHEC is coming in the morning. will you drain the tea machine with this pitcher, and dump it in the sink. and just keep doing that untill the machine is empty?" of course the machine didn't have water in, it had a line running to it. i got one girl to do it for thirty minutes before i finally couldn't stand it anymore and had to tell her. the worst part is the box on the tea machine (the only part that could possibly have anything in it) was only about the size of a cigar box. even if it had water in it, it would have been empty in under a minute

 

[enohcs]

i used to work at a restaurant. i've gotten people more than once by telling them, "DHEC is coming in the morning. will you drain the tea machine with this pitcher, and dump it in the sink. and just keep doing that untill the machine is empty?" of course the machine didn't have water in, it had a line running to it. i got one girl to do it for thirty minutes before i finally couldn't stand it anymore and had to tell her. the worst part is the box on the tea machine (the only part that could possibly have anything in it) was only about the size of a cigar box. even if it had water in it, it would have been empty in under a minute

That's awesome. Reminds me of the egg peeler I would have the new guys fetch when I was in the kitchen.

 

[enohcs]

That's awesome. Reminds me of the egg peeler I would have the new guys fetch when I was in the kitchen.

And as a side...the only reason I knew about the egg peeler was because I spent my fair share of time looking for it.

 

[jmendez29]

I work on helicopters in the Marines, and one time I made a joke to a pilot that his issue was the cockpit actuator... He did not find my joke very funny!

When I used to work as a maintenance mechanic for a plastics company, some of the operators just couldn't keep their hands off of some of the controls no matter how much I would tell them not to touch it. Inevitably, I would get callouts to machines that had parameters changed and of course it wouldn't work right. So I'd tell the operator to clean up while I figure out what was wrong, reset the parameters and restart the machine. When they asked me what was wrong, I would tell them that there was a nut loose behind the control panel....

Only one person ever figured it out.

 

[Inodoro_Pereyra]

When they asked me what was wrong, I would tell them that there was a nut loose behind the control panel....

Damn it man...You just made me spew coke all over my computer...

 

[SwampassJ]

That's awesome. Reminds me of the egg peeler I would have the new guys fetch when I was in the kitchen.

Kind of like asking someone to go get the water hammer.

 

[Pilgarlic]

A friend of mine who worked at Glacier Nat'l Park was more than once asked "What time do the Glaciers go off?"

 

[ChshreCat]

I worked for a cable company and someone called in, all pissed off because his cable modem hadn't worked for three days and he wanted it fixed and a refund for the lost time. I asked him how many lights where on on the front of the modem. "Just one". Then I asked what it said. "Standby". I asked him to press the button on top of the modem. The only button on the modem. It was the one labeled "Standby".

The next thing he said was "I'M GONNA KILL MY F***ING ROOMMATE!!!!"

 

[Inodoro_Pereyra]

That's awesome. Reminds me of the egg peeler I would have the new guys fetch when I was in the kitchen.

Kind of like asking someone to go get the water hammer.

In the '90s, I was working for an electronics company. One day, my boss decided to hire a new technician. One guy came, and told me (I was doing the interviews), that, he being an engineering student, he was looking for something "more advanced" than just assembling and installing microprocessors. So, after he got hired (under the promise that, according to his performance, he was gonna be in charge of something "more adveanced", one day I sent him to an electronics store. I knew the guys at that store were particularly mean to newbies, as most of them were friends of mine.
So I told the guy to get me "a bag of ohms, but make sure they're red!!!"
He quit the next day...

 

[PseudoChef]

As a Ph.D. scientist, I can confirm this. I tried to confirm it earlier, but couldn't figure out how to turn this stupid computer on.

 

[remilard]

These are great, but work in a restaurant. I had one guy ask where the sink was while I was working with him. We have many, many customers bring their marinara sauce up and ask why there is a leaf in there, because they find the bayleaf. Bayleaf is used in almost every marinera sauce ever. They always come up and ask "Did your door blow open a while back or something?" And we are inside and room, in a student union.

It is standard practice to remove bay leaves prior to service. I mean, if you served me something with a little cheesecloth bag with a knot tied in it, I would know why it was there but I would still think you were a crap cook.

 

[rycov]

That's awesome. Reminds me of the egg peeler I would have the new guys fetch when I was in the kitchen.

nice. we would send the new guys to the restaurant nextdoor to get things. oyster peeler, plate stretcher, and my favorite... a bucket of steam.

 

[peregrinebio]

That's awesome. Reminds me of the egg peeler I would have the new guys fetch when I was in the kitchen.

Or when I was in the Army, having the new privates go ask somebody for batteries for the chem lights. They would get passed around the company for a couple hours, usually until they hit an officer.

 

[jafo28]

I worked as a parking garage attendant for a gated community during summers between college semesters. One day a woman walked up to me and asked if I could get someone to jump her dead battery. No problem, it happens from time to time.

It was a manual rental. She forgot to press in the clutch.

I had one similar to this when I was working for a goodyear shop. A lady walks down the street from mcdonalds and tells the service manager that she can't get the keys out of the ignition. He has me take ride in the company truck up there to see if I can figure it out. Well as soon as I get there and put the car in park the keys came right out. Got a ten dollar tip for it, more beer for me!:rockin: