Short story

[Sir Sudster]

I came across a real interesting and funny thread on another Beer forum and thought it would be great to try here. We have such interesting , intelligent and colorful people here ya know.

Let's see if we can create a short story thread here...just finish the sentence from the last post, and let's keep it fun. Make sure that if/when you mention someone from the forums, they would be cool with it (in other words, no flaming except amongst friends)

I'll start it:


Is was a dry and dusty day in Texas until Txbrew came to town.....

 

[Baron von BeeGee]

....he wanted to make beer but hadn't the knowledge. However, he did have an Apple and a set of linux cd's....

 

[Chairman Cheyco]

...which he knew would make a great set of coasters for the glasses of HB he was going to be enjoying. So off he went to purchase...

 

[Beer Snob]

... a sledgehammer to smash the apple to tiny ity bity apple bits since he knew it would be for sh*t anyways...

 

[Walker]

... but on his way he drove past a pub that had a sign reading "All you can eat ribs and all the beer you can drink: $2.95." So, he slammed on the breaks and ....

 

[Sir Sudster]

said..WTF...

 

[Walker]

... I am supposed to brewing beer! forget the ribs, I need to...

 

[Sir Sudster]

focus on my thirst...he pondered what a good deal that would be..never before had he seen prices like that ...but it was probably ..yes the three amigos ..MBC.... But this was not his initial intentions ...he just had to..

 

[Chairman Cheyco]

...find a way to slake his buring soul with a quality brew. He knew no pub or eatery would hold the answer. So he...

 

[Blender]

continues on his quest for a quality brew. A mile further down the road he spots a home brew store...

 

[Baron von BeeGee]

...and again throws out the anchors and pulls in. He walks into the store where the proprietor introduces himself as El Pistolero who asks him...

 

[Truble]

"Do you have a laptop? My Mac just snuffed it and I need to put an order into my HBS or else.."

 

[loopmd]

Or else?!? What do you mean, or else. I thought he got banned from the internet? He has taken on another name and cannot be found. If only you could help me El Pistolero.

 

[Catfish]

And thus began Txbrew's quest to find Orr Else! He ventured forth from the HBS accompanied only by his sidekick El Pistolero, a burro laiden with ingredients, and...

 

[Truble]

a 2 gallon tub of guacamole, which, in this hot sun, was..."

 

[El Pistolero]

...followed by a pi$$ed off Blighty (demanding his avatar back) and a morose Caplan (still looking for the love boat). How'd we get to UK wondered TxBrew, as he...

 

[Catfish]

...attempted to convert his compass to metric.
"Damn it captain" Said El P "we better start fermentin' yon Guach ifs we're looking to drink her by Xmas!"
Txbrew nodded and opened his....

 

[Baron von BeeGee]

...can of whoop ass. But he dropped and it accidentally went off resulting in...

 

[Truble]

a fantastic pyrotechnic display. However, the burro, being caught in the shower of sparks, suddenly...

 

[Mr_Turtlehead]

bolted from the scene. As they watched, a very large marine from Guam stepped out of a pickup with a tatoo that read "Carpe Diem" and asked, "which one of you is..."

 

[Baron von BeeGee]

...the happy mug? At this point, a voice emanated from underneath El Pistolero's wizard cloak and out stepped...

 

[Chairman Cheyco]

... a huge hairy beast known in the north as a Sasquatch. "Don't worry," it said, "I'll get that burrow back for you. But first would you mind..."

 

[Truble]

cutting this chewing gum out of my mane? there was this little brat on my flight over here chewing gum, and he....

 

[Walker]

.. was pretty tastey, but the gum got stuck when I was finishing him off. The other thing I could really use is a nice, cold...

 

[Catfish]

shampoo, perm and wax job... my bikini line is an unsightly mess!"
El P chewed his lips unwillling to answer the hairy mammoth's question.
As he unloaded his waxing kit Txbrew said, "Ya know....

 

[Truble]

I haven't done this since the time I spent in the Hymalayans as a sherpa. Forgive me if I accidentally..

 

[Mr_Turtlehead]

fall into a deep trance and hum Tibetan monk prayers. Meanwhile El P...

 

[Chairman Cheyco]

... decided this was getting a little weird and started chasing after the burrow. As he began running, he called over his shoulder...

 

[Baron von BeeGee]

...did y'all know burros are sterile...usually? It won't be a problem at all if...

 

[Chairman Cheyco]

... just add it straight to the secondary for a little 'dry burrowing.'" At this, the rest of the group began to get ready for the...

 

[AllHoppedUp]

. . . show to end all donkey shows. But just when they gave up trying to shove that sucker into a carboy . . .

 

[loopmd]

Or else popped up and asked, "Dude, what are you going to do with that (sometimes sterile) burro and that bucket of quacomole?

 

[Chairman Cheyco]

"Crying out for help, what did you think I was doing?" Just then a thounderous roar was heard as...

 

[loopmd]

A platoon of marines marched by in unison, shouting, "Semper Fi!". Or Else then took the bucket of quacomole, turned to the (sometimes sterile) burro and....

 

[Darth Konvel]

...quipped, "I hope you're packing" and went of like a shot up the hill only to find ...

 

[AllHoppedUp]

. . . a herd of restless nihilists just looking for something to believe in. He rallied them to his cause by shouting . . .

 

[Truble]

"Follow me if you want to see something truly depressing!"-they stammered, then ran after him as if they....

 

[Chairman Cheyco]

... knew he had cake in his pockets. Upon reaching the column of marines...

 

[AllHoppedUp]

. . . a mysterious looking man going by the name "Dude" emerged from the ranks of the Nihilists. He wielded a . . .

 

[Mr_Turtlehead]

...schlong as big as Spicy's. He announced to the column of marines...