I have been unhappily married now for a year, and with the person for four unhappy years, I love my kids, and thought that you just had to get married, thats what you do. I have decided to move on, and I have found someone who makes me happy. No, I have not physically cheated on my wife, but I guess I have emotionally. The house mortgage has both our names, but she cannot afford it on her own. She is a stay at home mom. I plan on giving her the car and just having the loan signed over to her. Help me my beer friends, for I do not know what to do legally next. I know I have to contact Friend of the Court for all the custody stuff, but what else do I do. In MI here it is a 6 month wait from start to finish. Help
How does one do this......
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dataz722
Well-Known Member
Well have you talked to her about it?
XXguy
Well-Known Member
If you're counting on someone else to make you happy, your happiness does not belong to you.
This is a tough time for a divorce depending on how much equity you have.
In order for her to keep the house, you have to refinance. It would be a whole new mortgage where her income would be limited to alimony and probably not enough for her to make the payments. Of course, they don't do 100% financing anymore either so you'd have to have a good 20%+ equity already.
In order for her to keep the house, you have to refinance. It would be a whole new mortgage where her income would be limited to alimony and probably not enough for her to make the payments. Of course, they don't do 100% financing anymore either so you'd have to have a good 20%+ equity already.
Honestly what makes you unhappy ?
PM me if you would like.
But I think you should take a step back and re-evaluate you life and situation.
I say this because i am on my second marriage and have felt the same way a few different times.
You two might need to just talk !
There are many things that can and will continue to make one partner unhappy, simple little things that a simple chat will fix or change.
I am here for any PM's if you would like
-Jason
PM me if you would like.
But I think you should take a step back and re-evaluate you life and situation.
I say this because i am on my second marriage and have felt the same way a few different times.
You two might need to just talk !
There are many things that can and will continue to make one partner unhappy, simple little things that a simple chat will fix or change.
I am here for any PM's if you would like
-Jason
FireNightFly
Well-Known Member
I suggest you get a lawyer. Lets see, your leaving a stay home mom with custody of the children. Prepare to pay child support and alimony. I would assume she will get enough to pay for the house and the kids by the time she is done with you. Also seeing how you have hidden a second relationship during the marriage expect to loose.
On second thaught, before you dough out Child Support & Alimony & lawyers fees, why not take a few hundred dollars and go to marriage counselor.
At least tell your wife, dont "get all your ducks in a row" then drop it on her with court papers. Quite heartless if you ask me.
On second thaught, before you dough out Child Support & Alimony & lawyers fees, why not take a few hundred dollars and go to marriage counselor.
At least tell your wife, dont "get all your ducks in a row" then drop it on her with court papers. Quite heartless if you ask me.
Benjibbad
Well-Known Member
I went through this whole thing not too long ago. I don't know how it is in MI but in FL the only way to get out of the mortgage is to refinance. If she has to income expect that both of your names are going to stay on the mortgage and YOU are going to be paying for it. Same with the car. No income no loan. I would suggest a counselor or if you are both amicable to it, try to draft up a property division agreement before you file. It will make things go more smoothly. A lawyer is a must and the sooner you find one the better. If she gets a lawyer as well you may be accountable for both legal fees. What might work instead f a dissolution would be a legal separation to see how things pan out before going full bore into divorce. Just a thought, since she is a house wife runn the number to see how much it will cost to run both households. All the bills and see where that leaves you. If you need more advice or juust want to chat let me know.
FlashRedGLS18T
Well-Known Member
First of all, goodluck.
Benjibbad has it right, atleast as it pertains to Ohio also.
As far as the loans go, they have to be re-financed. They cannot be "signed over". Also, the banks will not respect a court order on who's possession the house/car is. From the bank's perspective the note holder is the person of ownership.
Benjibbad has it right, atleast as it pertains to Ohio also.
As far as the loans go, they have to be re-financed. They cannot be "signed over". Also, the banks will not respect a court order on who's possession the house/car is. From the bank's perspective the note holder is the person of ownership.
Elfmaze
Well-Known Member
i feel for you, i just split with my girl admittedly a month before marriage but the legal is still getting ugly.
babalu87
Well-Known Member
Now there is going to be two mortgages or two rental payments a month
Lil' Sparky
Cowboys EAC
You've got kids and you're thinking about divorcing your wife (who just doesn't make you happy enough) without trying extensively (seeing a marriage counselor, someone at church, or maybe it's just you and you need some personal counseling)? Honestly, probably the best (wise) thing to do, for you and your wife, and certainly for your kids, is to try really hard to sort out what's wrong in your marriage. Maybe you've already made up your mind. I just wonder if you've really considered the destructive and long-lasting the consequences that go along with that decision. When you do things that affect a family, it's not just about you. It's going to hurt everyone, including you more than you think.
We don't know each other from Adam, but if you were my best friend and you came to me with that, I'd say the same thing, except I'd chew your ass a lot harder about it - because I'd care. Hope you do the right thing!
We don't know each other from Adam, but if you were my best friend and you came to me with that, I'd say the same thing, except I'd chew your ass a lot harder about it - because I'd care. Hope you do the right thing!
springer
Well-Known Member
I don't know what your wife is doing to not let you be "yourself" But after I was married and had kids I couldn't be like I was prior. I changed and she changed because everything in your life has changed. I would see a someone prior to making a life changing event like this.
Guidry
Well-Known Member
If you simply want advice on what to do LEGALLY, then it is a simple answer: Retain an attorney
But first, the real "next step" is to bend over and grab your ankles, because between the attorney you are about to retain, and the stay-at-home mom you are about to divorce, you're gonna need to. Trust me. You may not care for the marriage any more, but the next few years are not going to be all the fun they appear to be right now.....Oh, and you probably need to be really careful (read stay away from) the new Ms. Right until the judge slams the gavel down on the divorce. No doubt her attorney will use that to factor up the alimony payments.
Well said.
There are 1000 things you can try first, but it seems like you just decided to leave, and not bother trying to work at the marriage. Marriage counseling works, trust me.
And divorce... divorce doesn't end anything. it just changes it. you two will still fight, still see each other, spend time together. it will still be Hell, unless you work at it anyway. So give that a try.
jgln
Well-Known Member
You loved her once enough to get married, why do you feel so certain you won't loose interest in this one too later? Relationships always start out wonderful and then usually simmer down some but there is often something still left keeping you together. Hell, if I ended evey relationship every time another one caught my attention I would probably never be in a relationship for more than a year. Don't know the two of you either but just about everyone fancies another at some point or another but that is like chasing the end of a rainbow sometimes.
I agree with the others though, you are probably going to be broke after this if you go ahead with your plan. Just the way it goes, expect to pay her way while you try to pay your way too, pretty much double what you are paying now.
I agree with the others though, you are probably going to be broke after this if you go ahead with your plan. Just the way it goes, expect to pay her way while you try to pay your way too, pretty much double what you are paying now.
jgln
Well-Known Member
Can I ask why? Did you enter into anything contractual together besides the engagement?
ChshreCat
Well-Known Member
I'll be the one to ask...
How much of these feelings came about before you met this other person and how much after?
How much of these feelings came about before you met this other person and how much after?
see a therapist. talk to your wife. don't quit, communicate.
It takes more balls, so man up. If your wife isn't happy and you both can't come to a resolution, then look for another solution. but don't just give up.
COMMUNICATION makes a relationship.
It takes more balls, so man up. If your wife isn't happy and you both can't come to a resolution, then look for another solution. but don't just give up.
COMMUNICATION makes a relationship.
jgln
Well-Known Member
Yep, nothing more exciting than a new relationship of the opposite sex and nothing better (worse) to make you think how dull, boring and restricted your current relationship is.
A divorce, when children are present, is a very complicated and expensive thing. If the divorce is uncontested and custody is agreed to in arbitration, then I believe it's approximately a $10,000 ordeal. If, for any reason, it's not a smooth process (like she's really pissed at you because you just decided you want to leave her and your children for no apparent reason) then expect the entire ordeal to be even more expensive (which you'll be paying for all of it).
The simplest advice is to retain a lawyer and do a bit of research on the best way to proceed.
The best advice ... seek guidance from some other source other than an internet homebrew forum
The simplest advice is to retain a lawyer and do a bit of research on the best way to proceed.
The best advice ... seek guidance from some other source other than an internet homebrew forum
jgln
Well-Known Member
Have to disagree; there is no better place than here to get major life decision, financial, love life, psychological and personal advice.
FireNightFly
Well-Known Member
Thats great man. Im glad to hear that. I would advise seeing someone who does counciling for a living, it will most likly help you and your mate quite a bit. It will also allow you to dump those things that have been on your mind to a 3rd party. Life gets drab, lets face it. Sometimes the grass looks greener on the other side of the fence, but its the same grass growing on both sides.
Maybe you and the wifey need to take a vacation, just the two of you to reignite the flame that once was. Cheers to you and I hope all the best for both you and the children.
Lil' Sparky
Cowboys EAC
I think you chose wisely. Best of luck!
There's a book/journal type of thing called the "Love Dare" I know everyone's thinking "this sounds pretty gay." as did I but it is actually very helpful and insightful. Grab two one for you and one for your old lady. Barnes and Noble has it I know for sure.
I agree with those advising you to talk about it before taking steps you cannot take back. However, if there are issues that cannot be resolved and you agree that divorce is the way to go, I strongly suggest you get a lawyer to aid in getting through it. It does not have to be adversarial; one lawyer can help both if your interests do not conflict.
Kronin
Well-Known Member
holy smokes the best advice i can give is to work every detail out with her on paper and sign... then you can get on with it. Lawyers like to make money and will drag it out for eternity and lots of $$$$$.
Glad to hear you are trying to work it out. Me and my ex had all the details worked out before I hired a lawyer. Still cost me over 5k. And even though it was an easy divorce, I still wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. Divorce is hell. And just a thought, if you were to have any ideas like this in the future, the people you should talk to first are you parents. They will be looking out for YOUR best interest, and if you can't seem to find the words to tell them the truth, then you probably should find a better reason to talk to them.
Well, we have decided to go back to church and get some help from the reverend. We tried finding counciling in our affordability range but everything we found was $150+ for the first hour, and then $85-$100 every hour after. I'm affraid we just don't have that kind of extra dough laying around, even with stopping all the hobbies. Any good books out there anyone know of?
Lil' Sparky
Cowboys EAC
"Love and Respect" by Emerson Eggerich. Great book to help husbands and wives understand each others greatest needs.
FireNightFly
Well-Known Member
Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus: A Practical Guide for Improving Communication and Getting What You Want in Your Relationships
By John Gray PHD
By John Gray PHD
Brew-Happy
Well-Known Member
Try the library at your church (If they have one). They should have a ton of books on this subject. The pastor probably has a small library with good marriage books as well. Plus you won't have to buy them.
Also, in the churches I have attended there are usually couples that will mentor couples that need help. There may be some that have gone through what you have (or much worse) and made it through as a stronger married couple. Ask your pastor if there are people that have volunteered to do this. Couldn't hurt.
Check out "The Five Love Languages" book. Good eye opener to people's personality. The Five Love Languages Again, if your church has a library, odds are they have a few copies of this on hand.
Good luck and good decision to work through this.
Also, in the churches I have attended there are usually couples that will mentor couples that need help. There may be some that have gone through what you have (or much worse) and made it through as a stronger married couple. Ask your pastor if there are people that have volunteered to do this. Couldn't hurt.
Check out "The Five Love Languages" book. Good eye opener to people's personality. The Five Love Languages Again, if your church has a library, odds are they have a few copies of this on hand.
Good luck and good decision to work through this.
HokieBrewer
Well-Known Member
Second. This opened my eyes big time.
Lil' Sparky
Cowboys EAC
Yeah, me too. Although it seems like it usually opens the women's eyes even more. Usually, the truth is that they completely don't understand men, how we function, what we need, why things make us feel the way they do, etc. Guys KNOW they don't have women figured out. Often women mistakenly think they've got us figured out when they're just as blind to things.
Bullbythehorns
Well-Known Member
An interesting movie to watch as a couple to is "Fireproof" with Kirk Cameron. My wife and I watched it together, it was very thought provoking and inspired some worthwhile conversations for our relationship.
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