Heavy Heart

[CreamyGoodness]

I'm almost 35. I have always been notoriously bad at keeping up with old friends. Usually, five or ten years down the line someone I used to spend a lot of time hanging out with was a totally different person with different interests, so keeping up seemed almost like vanity.

I mention all this because a friend from college who I lived with over one summer tried a couple times to keep in touch. I would chat with him a while on facebook, and then I'd move on to the next thing, because we didnt really have anything in common any longer. I mean c'mon... Goat-rock now lived in Wyoming for pete's sake. The most recent time he tried was about a month ago I'd say. I was polite, friendly even, but I didnt talk long.

I came to find out just now that at age 35 Joe has passed. Apparently he had been ill for a long time, and though he was on the mend and had been released from the hospital, whatever it was caught up with him.

I dont know what happened to him, or even why he was ill, but I do know I cannot ask the family members who posted the news. I wasnt a very good friend. I feel like I should have made more of an effort to at least chat on facebook more.

Anyway, what's done cant be undone I guess. Whatever I am drinking tonight will be in honor of Joe "Goat-rock" Degraw. While I doubt any of you know him, I encourage you to consider doing the same.

 

[TheCADJockey]

I absolutely will. Stay cool brother.

I'm in the same boat, my friends all moved on and started families before I have and our schedules do not mesh well. Sometimes I even decide to leave the phone unanswered when they call once a month, even though I know it makes their day to tell me about how their kids or work is doing. It is selfish of me, for whatever reason.

The best I do is call my mother every morning on my way to work, just to say hi even if it means we get frustrated with each other so much.

It's always unfortunate to hear of someone passing at such a young age. Love those close to you whenever you can.

 

[sandyeggoxj]

If life's a ***** then death is a slut because death comes for everyone.

but on a more serious note. We really don't know how long we will be wandering around this lonely planet. I think things like this are good reminders for the rest of us to make our time count more!

 

[soccerdad]

Rest In Peace, Joe. Sorry for your loss Creamy - 35 is way too young, even for a casual friend.

 

[Cheesy_Goodness]

Thanks for sharing creamy.
I find myself ignoring phone calls of good friends too. We don't have as much in common as we used to when we were in a band playing together, but that's not a good reason for me to ignore a call. It is more than a bit sad that it takes something like this to remind me to call old friends.

I'll be sure to raise a glass to your buddy tonight.

 

[Yooper]

While it's a sad thing, don't beat yourself up over not chatting more on Facebook or calling him and so on. It's true that life changes, and few of us remain the same person we were in college or as youngsters. While it's been fun for me seeing old friends on Facebook, and seeing how we all turned out (and who's still alive, unfortunately) it's still a pretty superficial relationship.

I mean, if we were bosom buddies a million years ago, it's nice to acknowledge that with "glad you got married and bought 27 Himalayan cats- I'm so happy for you!" but it's not like we are going to get together for coffee and girls' trips to Nepal anymore.

And that's ok. Unless we all live in a time warp, we all change and grow separate ways. When my dad died suddenly two years ago, many of those friends who remembered him well sent kind words of comfort, and that is appreciated. But for the most part we will never see each other again, and if we really wanted to keep in touch all these years, we would have.

So, I'm sad for your friend and your friend's family for sure- and I will have a toast to Mr. Goat-Rock this evening, I promise- please don't think that you "should have been friendlier" or any of that nonsense. James, you are a father and a husband and a son and a friend to those in your life, and that's the way it should be.

 

[joe_four_strings]

Here's to my namesake Joe. Only the good die young. Sorry for your loss sir.

 

[vanishingpint]

What yoop said exactly . That's all of us everyone. Here's to Joe.

 

[Billy-Klubb]

While it's a sad thing, don't beat yourself up over not chatting more on Facebook or calling him and so on. It's true that life changes, and few of us remain the same person we were in college or as youngsters. While it's been fun for me seeing old friends on Facebook, and seeing how we all turned out (and who's still alive, unfortunately) it's still a pretty superficial relationship.

I mean, if we were bosom buddies a million years ago, it's nice to acknowledge that with "glad you got married and bought 27 Himalayan cats- I'm so happy for you!" but it's not like we are going to get together for coffee and girls' trips to Nepal anymore.

And that's ok. Unless we all live in a time warp, we all change and grow separate ways. When my dad died suddenly two years ago, many of those friends who remembered him well sent kind words of comfort, and that is appreciated. But for the most part we will never see each other again, and if we really wanted to keep in touch all these years, we would have.

So, I'm sad for your friend and your friend's family for sure- and I will have a toast to Mr. Goat-Rock this evening, I promise- please don't think that you "should have been friendlier" or any of that nonsense. James, you are a father and a husband and a son and a friend to those in your life, and that's the way it should be.

I came to terms with this long ago. people grow apart or closer. that's just the way it is. I quit talking to old friends because I didn't like hearing about who died. it really does suck when one passes on, but it's gonna happen. don't be too hard on yourself, CreamyGoodness.

 

[Tinpanharry]

Well said Yooper.

Cheers to Joe.

 

[TheCADJockey]

Here's to Joe.

Happy to be a part of this community. Cheers. Have a healthy weekend.

 

[bford]

It's not that uncommon.. I have some great friends who now live hours away.. and we barely have anytime to talk or see each other. We all have families and kids, jobs..

So much stuff going on, its hard to stay in touch.


Here's to Joes.

 

[gratus fermentatio]

Sorry to hear about your friend Creamy. I think Yooper said it best in her post. Someone you know, who is your age passing; makes you think about your own mortality. Be glad for the time you had together & be glad for the lives you had separately. Hold your wife & son a little more closely, for just a little longer. I think Joe would want you to live well & be happy, not dwell on the "should've/could've" things. I'll hoist a pint to Joe's memory; then I'll hoist a pint to your good health.
Regards, GF.

 

[betarhoalphadelta]

When my dad died suddenly two years ago, many of those friends who remembered him well sent kind words of comfort, and that is appreciated. But for the most part we will never see each other again, and if we really wanted to keep in touch all these years, we would have.

I think the answer is simple. Let it go, even though you may never know the circumstances. But as Yooper points out here, you should probably send the family a card. I'm sure it will help them to know that even though you didn't keep the friendship quite as close as you might have liked, that you still wanted to express your condolences for someone you had been close to in the past.

 

[unionrdr]

I know the feeling. My friends are all scattered to the four winds, I talked to my oldest friend on the phone, I think last year. They don't message me on facebook much anymore. Since mom & pop died, siblings don't really talk anymore. None of them or old friends come to visit when in town & say they will. But go to visit my older bro instead. They were my friends, WTF?
But, I agree that sometimes, ya just gotta say F*** it & move on. It is what it is, it doesn't mean you have to like it.

 

[Tin4]

I'm almost 35. I have always been notoriously bad at keeping up with old friends. Usually, five or ten years down the line someone I used to spend a lot of time hanging out with was a totally different person with different interests, so keeping up seemed almost like vanity.

I mention all this because a friend from college who I lived with over one summer tried a couple times to keep in touch. I would chat with him a while on facebook, and then I'd move on to the next thing, because we didnt really have anything in common any longer. I mean c'mon... Goat-rock now lived in Wyoming for pete's sake. The most recent time he tried was about a month ago I'd say. I was polite, friendly even, but I didnt talk long.

I came to find out just now that at age 35 Joe has passed. Apparently he had been ill for a long time, and though he was on the mend and had been released from the hospital, whatever it was caught up with him.

I dont know what happened to him, or even why he was ill, but I do know I cannot ask the family members who posted the news. I wasnt a very good friend. I feel like I should have made more of an effort to at least chat on facebook more.

Anyway, what's done cant be undone I guess. Whatever I am drinking tonight will be in honor of Joe "Goat-rock" Degraw. While I doubt any of you know him, I encourage you to consider doing the same.

I will. To all our lost friends, known or unknown.

Salud!

 

[Bandit-brewer]

I'm the same age as you creamy and I too have lost too many that I didn't keep up with. You can't change that now but you can work with the future. Just pulled the first pint off a keg of my pornstar pale and will be drinking it in Joe's memory.

Slainte
Ryan

 

[trussell]

Posts like this are why I alway try to visit friends and family when ever I can. Also I say yes to adventures because put it off and you may lose the chance. Here's to Joe.

 

[unionrdr]

Yeah, it does seem like the biggest regrets in life are the chances not taken. Nasdarovie!

 

[drainbamage]

Sorry to hear about your friend, Creamy. All I have to offer up is some coffee right now but I'll have a beer for Joe later.

I've been finding myself in the same position lately where I'm seeing some old friendships atrophy, whether through my own fault, theirs, or (more likely) some combination of the two. The hardest are the ones where I've tried to keep in touch, tried to arrange to get together, and there's always something else going on. Eventually you get tired of the one-way effort and reach the point of "f**k it, they'll call when they're free to catch up", and it never happens.

Even with FB, it's tough to keep up with all the job changes, moving to different areas, and starting families. It's part of being a grown-up, I guess. On the other hand, it really makes me value my core group of friends that goes back to high school and even grade school.

 

[unionrdr]

Speaking of which, we have our 40th class reunion in July. Going to that one just to see how the in-crowd isn't doing.

 

[kombat]

I dont know what happened to him, or even why he was ill, but I do know I cannot ask the family members who posted the news.

Complications from congestive heart failure, if that eases your mind at all. Looked like a very fun guy.

 

[BGBC]

Sorry to hear about your friend Creamy, but thanks for posting.

This thread is a good kick in the pants reminder for me to reach out to a buddy, one of my better friends from HS. We fell out of touch pretty soon after HS for some reason, unlike other friends in my core group. When I was sick a few years ago, he reached out to me and I don't think I ever responded, for no good reason.

Now whenever I see him pop up in my FB feed, it seems like we might have a lot in common. Hell, he might be on this forum for all I know...

 

[unionrdr]

I wondered the same thing myself with friends or extended family between here, FB & ancestry.com.