A Christmas rant

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eulipion2

eulipion2

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My wife's family asks what I want for Christmas. I tell them, the ONLY thing I want is cash/Visa gift cards to use toward upgrading my system. Shortly after that they email my wife asking for ideas.

Is my request really that terrible? I don't want "stuff." Don't look for the perfect gift. "Personal" or "special" gifts usually get shoved in the closet and forgotten. I just want to upgrade to electric, and I'm not giving you a list, because a) most of the stuff is more than you're going to want to pay, b) I'm looking for specialty items at specialty shops that you've never heard of, and c) I'm gonna shop by price/availability, which changes, especially during the holiday season.

CASH IS A PERFECTLY ACCEPTABLE GIFT!!!

Is it just me, or does anybody else get hit with "I can't give you cash -- cash is so impersonal"?
 
We don't do much for Christmas at all- I've never been one to buy my kids (or grandkids) a bunch of plastic junk. I give gifts from the heart, small ones and put money in the kids' bank accounts for the future. Even for my grown kids, both of whom are always broke, they get a small gift and $50.

But if I was a Christmas gift type of person who really wanted to buy something nice and special for a loved one, then I'd say cash is probably tacky. Still, it's what most people want and need!
 
I honestly wish we were past this whole "gift giving" phase (I'm 39), but my wife insists we keep doing it. What the heck am I supposed to get my parents? They're in their 60's and have more than enough money - they buy whatever they need/want. I tend to do the same thing, I feel bad for people trying to buy me stuff. Can't we just send each other a nice little card and save our money? And avoid the mess of rude people at the malls? Ugh. Can't wait for January.
 
Im the same way, I usually get what I want, and dont want what I dont need...meaning im not a huge fan if getting gifts. I also hate when asked what I want...cause its supposed to be a gift.


But, you have to understand, gift giving is not just about the reciever, its also about the giver. Even tho it may not be your ideal scenario, take it as something you are not expecting. Be respectful and atleast act as if what they give you is exactly what you wanted.
 
In the same boat, but even worse because my birthday is right before Xmas. I have a closet full of clothes with tags still on them, that eventually go to goodwill/Salvation Army, and a basement full of unopened gifts, many still wrapped.

I have always told everyone I would prefer cash, or gift cards from a place that has something I want, but too expensive to ask for as a gift. I am at the point now where I do not show up for my birthday, and don't open my xmas presents. I catch a lot of isht for it, but why should I feel guilty when I told you not to get me anything (at 40 it is kind of silly if you ask me), or if you insist on giving me something give me cash or GC to a place of my choosing.

Seriously the one year I got a singing fish, really wtf, I don't even fish. Am I supposed to act happy that you wasted your money buying me a flocking singing fish? Get real.
 
kombat said:
I honestly wish we were past this whole "gift giving" phase (I'm 39), but my wife insists we keep doing it. What the heck am I supposed to get my parents? They're in their 60's and have more than enough money - they buy whatever they need/want. I tend to do the same thing, I feel bad for people trying to buy me stuff. Can't we just send each other a nice little card and save our money? And avoid the mess of rude people at the malls? Ugh. Can't wait for January.
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This is exactly how I feel, and this year we're doing something about it. I'm telling all of my family members to take the money they were going to spend on us and sponsor a child or family in another country, and we're going to do the same with the money we were going to spend on them.

Buy presents for the kids all you want, but once you're an adult, it's just swapping money.
 
wtf, you don't fish? Shame right there. And a singing fish is sitting unused in its box :)

Just purely my small two pennies, but I try to put some thought into buying people gifts. Not that cash or gift cards are tacky, but it doesn't really show much effort or thought. Still if that's what you want, I guess that's what you should communicate.

Every year we try to scale back our gift giving at the holidays. Especially since our parents are now retired, doesn't make sense to keep giving these elaborate gifts. But we keep on, keepin on. Not much has changed I guess. As the years have ticked by, I get much more out of the Christmas Eve church service, the big meal that follows, and the together time afterward than the gifts themselves. Getting a little older is not such a bad thing.
 
solbes said:
Just purely my small two pennies, but I try to put some thought into buying people gifts.
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Right, that'd be great. But as I mentioned, I'm 39, and my parents are in their 60's.

As great as it sounds to "put some thought" into those gifts, it gets harder and harder every year. We've got to figure out what to get them, not just for Christmas, but also for birthdays, and of course Mother's Day and Father's Day. That's 20 years of "thoughtful" presents for my parents, 3 times per year, each. Now add in 5 siblings.

I'm running out of freakin' "thoughtful" ideas. And you will too.
 
TheZymurgist said:
I'm telling all of my family members to take the money they were going to spend on us and sponsor a child or family in another country, and we're going to do the same with the money we were going to spend on them.
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That's a great idea! I should bring that up to my minister father. If anyone would go for it, it should (ideally) be him.

kombat said:
As great as it sounds to "put some thought" into those gifts, it gets harder and harder every year. We've got to figure out what to get them, not just for Christmas, but also for birthdays, and of course Mother's Day and Father's Day.
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Agreed! I've been completely out of ideas for my mother for years now. My dad usually gets something coffee related (an Aeropress and a nice bag of coffee this year).

I'd be perfectly happy making Christmas about family, especially since we only see them a couple times a year. Y'know, a nice family meal, chatting by the fire, maybe even some kind of family outing. But I'm in the minority, and gift-giving reigns supreme, so at least they could give me what I ask for!
 
TheZymurgist said:
Buy presents for the kids all you want, but once you're an adult, it's just swapping money.
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I think that's a good way of looking at it. In my family, adults don't buy stuff for other adults for christmas (except their own kids). But my husband's family, a brother and sister with no families, insists on a "gift exchange". So I did it, twice. Before I learned.

They set a limit of $25. Ok, that's good.

Then, they give gift "suggestions" via email (they are not local). Here's what my brother-in-law said, "I only want two things. I want the Neil Young book and THIS t-shirt at THIS website in THIS size and color. That's it". His sister, "I'm not picky. I want a blue raincoat, with velcro closure, in a size medium, with a hood, with white striping on the side".

Um, ok. So, I buy you that raincoat. Why don't you just get it YOURSELF, and be done?

"Ordering" your gift really burns me. It's fine to give ideas, if someone really has no idea what you want or need. But to say, "I want XX item on XXX page of XXX catalogue" is really all about "me" and not about gifts. I dislike that.
 
my family pretty much stopped gift giving a couple years ago. we still gather for the holidays, usually MLK weekend to give family time to travel, but we don't exchange gifts. well, last year we had a baby in the family for the first time in a long while, so he will get some toys, as will his soon-to-be little brother.

the BigHair and I don't expect anything in return, but we like giving to each household framed pictures of us we've taken during that year's vacation. printing the pictures is dirt cheap and we buy inexpensive frames, so we're not spending a lot. it's not something they "use" but it is something they can't get on their own and there's no way they can look at it and not think of us.

but the best gifts of all, my absolute favorites, are being able to see them, sit down to dinner and share some of my homebrew with them.
 
People get a lot of satisfaction out of the giving part, so to tell them that you don't want anything takes that satisfaction away and maybe lessens their enjoyment of the season. I'd never give cash because it's a thoughtless gift and makes me feel like a thoughtless person. If they need cash, do that in addition to a thoughtful gift.

I don't like to give gadgets and junk, so I try to think of custom gifts tailored to that person. It helps to keep a list all the time on your phone so when you come up with an idea you can jot it down and be ready for the holiday season.

I like this season a lot. I don't do much shopping - just enough to let the people I care about know I've been thinking about them.
 
kombat said:
Right, that'd be great. But as I mentioned, I'm 39, and my parents are in their 60's.
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I'm 39 as well and my parents (and my wife's) are all in their 60's. Generally when they need something they buy it. So I get that its not easy. Doesn't mean you need to get them an iPad or something really expensive.

I can think of a thousand hobbies and my parents are only into a few of them. Sometimes I strike out, sometimes I get them interested in new things (wine making, snow shoes, hand painted fishing lures, model sailboats - gifts from last few years). Time is something they have plenty of in retirement, so always nice to get new ways to spend it.
 
Every year my father in law gets me a gift certificate from Weak Knee, the awesome brew shop near him because he knows every year I am going to like it.

Not sure if that helps or if Im just excited to go back to Weak Knee in a few weeks...
 
eulipion2 said:
Is it just me, or does anybody else get hit with "I can't give you cash -- cash is so impersonal"?
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I wouldn't give anyone cash as a gift either. That just seems weird to me.

"Merry Christmas. Here is the exact monetary equivalent of how much I value you."

Why not just ask for the specific parts/brew gear you want?

To me cash-as-a-gift is the final step in the transition from "giving a thoughtful gift because you care about a person" to "it's a holiday, so you owe me money".

My parents have given me cash a few times for Christmas or birthdays when they couldn't think of anything to get me and I told them I didn't want anything (if I don't actually need anything at the time, I'm not going to ask for something just for the sake of asking for something). I always felt weird about accepting it.
 
hunter_la5 said:
Why not just ask for the specific parts/brew gear you want?
Click to expand...

Most of the things I need to go electric are a bit out of the price range of our typical gift exchange. Also, I tend to shop around for price, and my wife's family knows pretty much nothing about beer or brewing, so there's plenty of room for error.
 
eulipion2 said:
My wife's family asks what I want for Christmas. I tell them, the ONLY thing I want is cash/Visa gift cards to use toward upgrading my system. Shortly after that they email my wife asking for ideas.

Is my request really that terrible? I don't want "stuff." Don't look for the perfect gift. "Personal" or "special" gifts usually get shoved in the closet and forgotten. I just want to upgrade to electric, and I'm not giving you a list, because a) most of the stuff is more than you're going to want to pay, b) I'm looking for specialty items at specialty shops that you've never heard of, and c) I'm gonna shop by price/availability, which changes, especially during the holiday season.

CASH IS A PERFECTLY ACCEPTABLE GIFT!!!

Is it just me, or does anybody else get hit with "I can't give you cash -- cash is so impersonal"?
Click to expand...

Your family sounds like my family from a few years ago. We eventually declared a Christmas gift arms treaty and agreed not to buy each other presents anymore at Christmas because we're all adults with jobs and if we want or need something then we just go out and get it. Well...ALMOST all of us stuck to the agreement. My parents just couldn't do it. So my parents still buy things for everybody and then everybody buys gifts for them. Each year at Thanksgiving we re-certify the gift treaty to make sure we're all on the same page.
 
The vast majority of us are lucky enough that we don't really "need" anything. So a few years back I decided to do away with buying things. So I have been giving something I have made. Everyone appreciates my home made jams and canned peaches, Or something I made in the forge. This year I had rotator cuff surgery so my blacksmithing didn't get done but I was bored and took up knitting(you can only read so many books and watch so much TV before you start to go stir crazy).

So this year everyone is getting green and gold Packers stocking caps and scarves. I was going to wait until Christmas but I gave them out at Thanksgiving. I figured a little extra Green and Gold was required before the Patriots game. :)

I find if you put in a little time and thought it is appreciated much more than anything you can buy in a store.
 
I don't mind receiving cash/gift cards, but I avoid giving them if I can.
The risk of giving a not great gift against giving something amazingly thoughtful is worth it to me. If I get into the habit of giving the hard people to buy for cash/gift cards every year, it basically says "I'm either not interested in or unable to know you well enough to get you a thoughtful gift. Take this instead!"

Gifts are definitely secondary though. When else are you able to share some laughs with family, bake cookies, sit by the fire, take some time off work, look forward to the year ahead, eat until the point you regret not wearing elastic, and drink just a little too much? It's like Thanksgiving but it lasts for a whole month :p
 
ruralbrew said:
The vast majority of us are lucky enough that we don't really "need" anything. So a few years back I decided to do away with buying things. So I have been giving something I have made. Everyone appreciates my home made jams and canned peaches, Or something I made in the forge. This year I had rotator cuff surgery so my blacksmithing didn't get done but I was bored and took up knitting(you can only read so many books and watch so much TV before you start to go stir crazy).

So this year everyone is getting green and gold Packers stocking caps and scarves. I was going to wait until Christmas but I gave them out at Thanksgiving. I figured a little extra Green and Gold was required before the Patriots game. :)

I find if you put in a little time and thought it is appreciated much more than anything you can buy in a store.
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My grandparents get homebrew (90-ish years old, don't need much). My father-in-law drinks IC Light almost exclusively :cross: and isn't terribly impressed with most of my brews, so none for him. Unfortunately those are they only people on my list who like beer.
 
Just ask for something completely unreasonable. Or a thermapen! Then you'll likely get cash or and item you could sell for cash.
 
Most of the time, I would rather have been given cash, than some stupid plastic stuff.
At least I can buy something useful.

Last Christmas, my Aunt, who is well-off, gave my brother a 20 year old Scotch. What did I get, you ask? A cheap, plastic toy, target shooting game. I still haven't gotten over that one.
 
We get gifts for the kids and they get "Santa gifts", The wife and I pick practical items we can make real use of. In-laws do Amazon gift cards. Lots of brew hardware on Amazon.:ban:
 
jperry said:
Most of the time, I would rather have been given cash, than some stupid plastic stuff.
At least I can buy something useful, with cash.

Last Christmas, my Aunt, who is well-off, gave my brother a 20 year old Scotch. What did I get, you ask? A cheap, plastic toy, target shooting game. I still haven't gotten over that one.
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Sorry Jperry I gotta ask................ Can I see your ID please? :D
 
yeahfairly said:
Sorry Jperry I gotta ask................ Can I see your ID please? :D
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I know I'm young, 24yo, but she knows I've been brewing and making wine, for a couple years now. That, and my Brother, would probably just mix the scotch with cola, to make it taste "better." :smack: Haha
 
I've hit it out of the park 2x in 40 years. The first time, my dad kept talking about wanting one of those Adirondack basket/back pack things. I have no idea why he wanted it. but I found one and gave it to him for Christmas. He was ecstatic, my mom and I had no idea what he was going to do with it. Now it has a garbage bag in it and is in the corner of the tv room, where the junk mail goes, which is fine by me he really likes it. Last year I gave dad a daisy red ryder bb gun, violating my mom's strict no firearms for Christmas policy. He is in his 70's but you would have thought he was 12.

As far as for me I have a amazon wishlist of stuff I could just go out and buy for myself, and probably would have purchased already if it were not for Christmas coming up.


I never have understood spending huge amounts of money on a baby for Christmas or birthdays. My mom works with a girl who is not really well off, but she managed to spend $2K on her kids first birthday party, and who knows what she has blown on Christmas presents so far, yet the university she attended is withholding her transcripts, because she owes them $10K and she can't pay them, so she can't finish her degree, transfer or get a better job.
 
I'm in the "get gifts for the kids but grown ups is just silly" crowd.

My mom asked me what I want for Christmas. I told her to not have to answer that question again for the rest of my life. She told me to stop being a jerk. So I told her pay my electric bill. She said that's silly. I said you're right, the water bill is less money so pay that instead.

Holiday's are a blast around my family.
 
Once the kids move out, I have been advocating buying gifts throughout the year for adult family members, rather than the rush of Christmas gift giving. Its pretty easy to keep up with little projects or needs that your family members have, so you can buy gifts whenever they need it. As adults, we typically buy what we need as we need it. For example, I mentioned to my mother that I was looking for some new knives during a conversation in late summer. I ended up buying some, but then received some nice knives from her for my birthday. If she would have gifted them within a few weeks of my mentioning it, I wouldn't have two sets of knives! Dedicate your holiday time together to enjoying each other's company rather than worrying about picking a gift, whether the gift will be liked, and how your gift stacks up to others. Still trying to sell this idea...
 
My ideal Christmas is hanging out at home with the wife eating a meat and cheese tray and having some beer. Anyone or anything else makes it less enjoyable, including decorating, seeing family, talking to anyone on the phone, having to go to the store, people asking what i want and what I'm giving to them....
 
Devin said:
Ya bunch of Scrooges! :)

I love getting present for my wife, kids, and parents at xmastime.
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Wife, kids, parents, fine. That's all fine and good.

Add in the siblings, and their spouses, and their kids, and some Aunts and Uncles and it gets out of hand fast.
 
Devin said:
Ya bunch of Scrooges! :)

I love getting present for my wife, kids, and parents at xmastime.
Click to expand...

^^ he gets it!

Think about making a big vanilla bourbon porter in the summer, bottle it in big bottles, make some cool custom labels, and give people a special beer with their name on it. Or your name. You're a brewer!

If they don't drink beer, make a batch of wine. Or get some vodka and vanilla beans and make vanilla extract (it's cool with the beans in there, and much more potent than the stuff you buy). In any case, make custom labels, apply with milk, easy peasy.

I'm giving wedges of homemade cheese this year (yes, it ships). I dip the wedges in red wax, add a little wedge-shaped note, and wax over that. For family that you're going to visit, make a pie and put a bow on it.

Give people something they normally wouldn't give themselves. Buy a spa package for a woman - massage, sauna, pool, nails, etc. Give away your services (help with dishes, laundry, agree to paint a room, offer Dad's car to Junior for a night, stuff like that, free for you, priceless to them.
 

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