Random Drunken Thoughts Thread

[ubnserved]

That's my favorite too, not a big mayo fan here either. Plus, bacon.
No-brainer. :fro:




Duh, you pull up the whole plant and pickle it, then pick the pickled peppers. But is that a metric peck or an English peck?

Or is it just a grandma peck on the cheek?

 

[Dan]

Why do squirrels run in the road right behind their friend that just got run over and do they mourn for their flattened friend?

I've been that car driver. Squashed that squirrel and looked in my rear view as his mate mourned him. I felt like ****e. Stupid squirrel!

 

[Laughing_Gnome_Invisible]

Actually, yes. I do have a cousin that I would call a CILF.

Hold on, I have two of them!


Come to think on it, I don't have to be too drunk either.

 

[drainbamage]

Or is it just a grandma peck on the cheek?

Metric grandmas, probably.

 

[Fedora]

Actually, yes. I do have a cousin that I would call a CILF.

Hold on, I have two of them!


Come to think on it, I don't have to be too drunk either.

When I was a teenager I slept with my first " serious" girlfriend for a year before we found out we were cousins. Something like ninth cousins. Didn't slow us down a bit.

 

[Fedora]

Oh I see how it is. It's ok to TALK about f*****g your cousin, but when I admit to actually doing it, albeit unknowingly ( at first) then everybody clams up. Talk about your awkward silence....

I'm just kidding. Bout to chill a batch of my Best Bitter. Ya'll like my new jacket? It's green. Almost the color of money. Coincidence? Hmmm...

I need a better avatar. It's a picture of a growler from work. Kinda lame. I'm open to suggestions.

 

[sloanfamilydsm]

Oh I see how it is. It's ok to TALK about f*****g your cousin, but when I admit to actually doing it, albeit unknowingly ( at first) then everybody clams up. Talk about your awkward silence....

I'm just kidding. Bout to chill a batch of my Best Bitter. Ya'll like my new jacket? It's green. Almost the color of money. Coincidence? Hmmm...

I need a better avatar. It's a picture of a growler from work. Kinda lame. I'm open to suggestions.

New avatar-how bout a pic of the state of Arkansas?

 

[MaxStout]

Oh I see how it is. It's ok to TALK about f*****g your cousin, but when I admit to actually doing it, albeit unknowingly ( at first) then everybody clams up. Talk about your awkward silence....

For some reason, that made me think of this old joke....

A man goes into a pub in a small town and, for whatever reason, gets introduced to the clientele.

“See this pub?” asks John, "I built it, but they don’t call me Pubbuilder John? I’m the local doctor, I saved Barman Jim’s life once when he choked on a peanut, but they don’t call me Lifesaver John. Every year, I supply a huge Christmas tree for the village green, but the don’t call me Christmas Tree John.

“But you shag one lousy sheep…”

 

[Fedora]

Ba hahaha! I'm assuming you don't know know that I actually live in the great state of Arkansas. I hope not anyway. That makes it funnier. Not a bad avatar idea. If I use it you'll have an open invitation for a free beer with me and my cousin. Oh wait, she's in prison now... I feel like I'm perpetuating stereotypes here. Arkansas fvckin rocks.

 

[Qhrumphf]

If you repeatedly scratch your arms to the point where there's substantial blood, does that mean it's time to lose the meth, or lose the fingers? I can't make up my mind.

 

[Fedora]

If you repeatedly scratch your arms to the point where there's substantial blood, does that mean it's time to lose the meth, or lose the fingers? I can't make up my mind.

Well it'll be hard to do any more meth without fingers so I guess that will solve both problems. Of course it will be hard to brush your teeth without fingers too, so they might rot. But that was gonna happen anyway. Quite a conundrum.

 

[Fedora]

For some reason, that made me think of this old joke....

A man goes into a pub in a small town and, for whatever reason, gets introduced to the clientele.

“See this pub?” asks John, "I built it, but they don’t call me Pubbuilder John? I’m the local doctor, I saved Barman Jim’s life once when he choked on a peanut, but they don’t call me Lifesaver John. Every year, I supply a huge Christmas tree for the village green, but the don’t call me Christmas Tree John.

“But you shag one lousy sheep…”

Sheep Shagger Fedora.
Cousin F***er Fedora
Ass Whole

All of those are ok with me. Just dont call me Late For Dinner. Or Happy Hour.

 

[Qhrumphf]

If a tree falls in the forest and no one's around and it lands on a mime, does anyone care?

 

[arturo7]

The good thing about having a kegerator:

Often with a kegerator, you will fill up your glass before it is empty. In theory, you never actually finish a beer. Ergo, you never start on a second beer. Thus, at the end of a session you can honestly say, "I've only had one beer."

 

[Laughing_Gnome_Invisible]

I need a better avatar. It's a picture of a growler from work. Kinda lame. I'm open to suggestions.

A sexy pic of your cousin, please.

 

[Laughing_Gnome_Invisible]

If a tree falls in the forest and no one's around and it lands on a mime, does anyone care?

It always annoys me (unnecessarily) when Americans misuse the word pantomime thinking it means a mime. I don't even need to be drunk for that thought though. oops!

 

[Qhrumphf]

It always annoys me (unnecessarily) when Americans misuse the word pantomime thinking it means a mime. I don't even need to be drunk for that thought though. oops!

Thanks. I had managed to suppress the horror for 20 years and you brought it all back. I forgot those things existed.

 

[Billy-Klubb]

Thanks. I had managed to suppress the horror for 20 years and you brought it all back. I forgot those things existed.

first off, bwahahahhahahaha!!!! may a mime cross your path in two days time!



"I hope everyone can smell that. In fact, if no one mentions it in the next three minutes I'm gonna throw this bottle across the bar, upturn the table, and go s#!t in the corner."

 

[Fedora]

A sexy pic of your cousin, please.

Meh. She wasn't really a CILF. Just a CIF.

I changed it to a picture of my SABCO system at work. Still open to suggestions. Middle of the boil on a hoppy American Amber at home right now. Not drunk, but I might head that way later.

 

[Fedora]

first off, bwahahahhahahaha!!!! may a mime cross your path in two days time!



"I hope everyone can smell that. In fact, if no one mentions it in the next three minutes I'm gonna throw this bottle across the bar, upturn the table, and go s#!t in the corner."

Dayumm Billy why ya always gotta be stinkin up the thread. You should see a doctor or something.

 

[boydster]

If you repeatedly scratch your arms to the point where there's substantial blood, does that mean it's time to lose the meth, or lose the fingers? I can't make up my mind.

Just lose the fingernails. That'll do nicely. The other options sound too extreme.

You ever seen one of them pickled eggs and thought why would they do that? That could have been a baby chicken and I could have roasted it if the fkers wouldn't have done something as stupid as making a pickled egg. What a waste. They aren't even good. Also, my cousins don't make me horny. But lawn gnomes, now, those are kind of neat. Not in the horny way though. They are too small and I'm sure things just wouldn't work out. But I saw this movie once where they rode lawnmowers and destroyed other gnomes' lawns and that was friggen awesome. I think I'll watch that movie tonight. And make popcorn. Not the microwave kind. That stuff'll kill ya. I saw this dude on the news that had popcorn lung and that seemed bad. I'll need more beer too. A lot more beer. And chips. Ooo and some salsa. Bacon might be good too, with some eggs. Have you guys ever tried one of those pickled eggs? Damn those are good.

 

[boydster]

 

[DrunkleJon]

If I were to put an @Billy-Klubb in my signature, would I get a berry punch every time I post something?

 

[day_trippr]

Go for it!

Cheers!

 

[DrunkleJon]

I have a confession to make. I am addicted to home renovation shows. It would not be a problem if they motivated me to renovate my house, but they do not. I can watch them for hours and still can not picture what I want my house to look like except in the fuzziest most vague sense like "tear out this wall, and rebuild them like so so I can put a bar here, as well as I need to do something with X." I really need one of those renovate your entire house shows people to come here and tell me what I need to do. I know nothing about interior decoration.

I need another beer.

 

[Billy-Klubb]

"No Shirt, No Shoes, No Service" pffft! apparently it should say, "No Shirt, No Pants, No Shoes, We'll Call The Cops".

 

[Fedora]

Sometimes I feel like the " It's time to make the doughnuts" guy...

 

[brandonman]

If doing something half-assed is a bad thing, what is the "good" equivalent?

Whole-assed? No-assed?

Good ass

[ame]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WPkMUU9tUqk[/ame]

 

[day_trippr]

I don't care if it's Good Ass or Bad Ass, foot massage and barbecue do not go together

Cheers!

 

[ubnserved]

I have a confession to make. I am addicted to home renovation shows. It would not be a problem if they motivated me to renovate my house, but they do not. I can watch them for hours and still can not picture what I want my house to look like except in the fuzziest most vague sense like "tear out this wall, and rebuild them like so so I can put a bar here, as well as I need to do something with X." I really need one of those renovate your entire house shows people to come here and tell me what I need to do. I know nothing about interior decoration.

I need another beer.

Well first you need to decide if you want to decorate or if you want to renovate. Download something called Houzz from the app store (android) to get some ideas about what you would like the final product to look like. Be careful about downloading it, it really asks for a lot of permissions. But it had cool pictures when I use to use it.
I have the a different problem, I know what I want, just too many things going on at one time and a cabin I need to get renovated.

 

[Zuljin]

Do dogs call each other by the names we give them?

 

[Fedora]

There seems to be an inordinate amount of Super Troopers references on this forum. Just noticed that. Drinking coffee now. I love that movie. Apparently HBT does too.

"I don't want a large Farva. I want a gaddamn liter o'cola."

 

[GrogNerd]

Why did the chicken cross the road in Northern Virginia?

To show the squirrel it can be done

 

[Qhrumphf]

knife goes in, guts come out, that's what osaka seafood concern is all about

 

[Fedora]

Ok good. We have confirmed that the Emergency Alert System is working. I feel much safer now.

 

[Billy-Klubb]

I wonder if my boss would be mad if I ate 2 cans of corn and a whole ExLax bar and sprayed dirty corn water at the back of his head while he was on the phone? and I don't mean my immediate boss. the one above him.

 

[BreezyBrew]

Why did God make me with so much love for beer? If I had the choice of a million dollars and no beer, I wouldn't blink.

 

[BreezyBrew]

There are two things you can do with your thumbs... And one is text.

 

[Fedora]

There are two things you can do with your thumbs... And one is text.

You are absolutely correct, sir. I give this post a big Thumbs Up.

 

[ubnserved]

If I get a headache while I am on pain meds do I take more or start drinking beer?