autobaun70
Well-Known Member
We have our first child due in 2 weeks. Regarding family "traditions" for new babies, my family and my wife's couldn't be further apart.
My family has traditionally been of the notion that birth is a very private thing for mother and father, and all others should visit at a much later hour in the day, or possibly the following day. For instance, when my younger sister was born, my grandparents took my brother and I to the beach, approximately 4 hours away, in anticipation of her arrival. My parents called when she was born, and even we didn't visit until the next day.
The wife's family on the other hand has nearly always had a huge gathering of folks waiting in the closest possible waiting room, and then all rush in to see the baby at the earliest allowable moment. By this I mean earliest time the hospital will let them back to the room, not when invited by the parents. The assumption is that everyone that knows has an open invitation.
Enter my MIL. She wants to be at the hospital for the c-section. I understand this from the aspect of it is her daughter going into surgery, and she wants to be sure everything is OK. I am ok with her making a brief "check in" fairly early after delivery, but desperately want the first several hours with the new baby to be completely visitor free, including her. The biggest reason is just shear privacy, I like a lot of privacy, where as MIL is all about maximum family involvement, presence, etc. Another major thing is breast feeding. We (mainly my wife) really want to breast feed, and every time the topic has come up around the MIL, she says that she doesn't think it will work, will be too stressful for my wife, etc. While I know the stress aspect is true, having any commentary to that effect in the first few hours, I believe based on input from the Dr.'s and lactation specialists, will amplify the difficulty.
My wife and I are very much in the same page regarding our desires, however she is completely non-confrontational and does not want to bring it up with her mom. I know that failing to do so will insure that our wishes are not followed. I want to insure that the appropriate message is conveyed without hurting any feelings.
The other thing that I know is going to come up is social media postings. My MIL lives on Facebook, and is going to want to share with the world at the earliest moment the baby's arrival, including pictures. She lives 2 hours from her home town and most of her friends, and this is basically how they interact. I am very much against any posting at all on social media that lets the world know we are not at home (regardless of reason), and would very much like for my wife and I to be the sole moderators regarding what information about the baby is posted publicly, especially pictures.
Can anyone relate to this type of situation, and offer guidance? I know that there is no correct or incorrect answer, and that it is going to be difficult to convey any desires that come across as restrictive.
My family has traditionally been of the notion that birth is a very private thing for mother and father, and all others should visit at a much later hour in the day, or possibly the following day. For instance, when my younger sister was born, my grandparents took my brother and I to the beach, approximately 4 hours away, in anticipation of her arrival. My parents called when she was born, and even we didn't visit until the next day.
The wife's family on the other hand has nearly always had a huge gathering of folks waiting in the closest possible waiting room, and then all rush in to see the baby at the earliest allowable moment. By this I mean earliest time the hospital will let them back to the room, not when invited by the parents. The assumption is that everyone that knows has an open invitation.
Enter my MIL. She wants to be at the hospital for the c-section. I understand this from the aspect of it is her daughter going into surgery, and she wants to be sure everything is OK. I am ok with her making a brief "check in" fairly early after delivery, but desperately want the first several hours with the new baby to be completely visitor free, including her. The biggest reason is just shear privacy, I like a lot of privacy, where as MIL is all about maximum family involvement, presence, etc. Another major thing is breast feeding. We (mainly my wife) really want to breast feed, and every time the topic has come up around the MIL, she says that she doesn't think it will work, will be too stressful for my wife, etc. While I know the stress aspect is true, having any commentary to that effect in the first few hours, I believe based on input from the Dr.'s and lactation specialists, will amplify the difficulty.
My wife and I are very much in the same page regarding our desires, however she is completely non-confrontational and does not want to bring it up with her mom. I know that failing to do so will insure that our wishes are not followed. I want to insure that the appropriate message is conveyed without hurting any feelings.
The other thing that I know is going to come up is social media postings. My MIL lives on Facebook, and is going to want to share with the world at the earliest moment the baby's arrival, including pictures. She lives 2 hours from her home town and most of her friends, and this is basically how they interact. I am very much against any posting at all on social media that lets the world know we are not at home (regardless of reason), and would very much like for my wife and I to be the sole moderators regarding what information about the baby is posted publicly, especially pictures.
Can anyone relate to this type of situation, and offer guidance? I know that there is no correct or incorrect answer, and that it is going to be difficult to convey any desires that come across as restrictive.
