Kids, younger every year!

[Aleforge]

So my wife was checking up on my oldest daughters face book today. Part of the deal is, she is allowed to have one "IF" we are allowed access at anytime to make sure everything is appropriate. Anyhow I guess facebook messenger leaves up your recent chats with friends because it popped up when my wife logged in. Some very interesting chatter showed up between my daughter and her best friend. It went something like this,

Daughter: Hey
Friend: Hey, Willy wants to put his dick in my mouth.
Daughter: LOL
Friend: I think I am going to make out with him this weekend
Daughter: ya
Friend: Its time for church, I will ttyl (I **** you not)
Daughter: K


Friend = 12 years old, Daughter turns 14 in June.

I just cannot believe kids are putting dicks in others kids mouths at age 12, or at the very least talking about it....

I have 2 daughters and a son, I am starting to freak out for the first time as a parent. And yes we had the sex talk already.

 

[Boerderij_Kabouter]

I just had this convo with some people at work. I am still pretty young and ratehr in touch with what kids are doing. If BJ's are as far as it has gotten by 12-13 you aren't doing half bad.

The question is no longer should I give them privacy? The question is how much and what do you really want to know?

Once your kids are teens they are going to do what they want, to an extent. You can still control them a bit, but you mostly have to hope that you raised them well and they are confident enough to make their own choices.

You have to ask yourself if you are ready to hear about some junior football player sticking it in your little girl. If the answer is yes, keep reading and checking. If no, I would never look again.

Trust me as a soon to be father of a little girl, I know your fear already. But I also know what is going on in and out of school, and the reality is harsh.

Talk to your kids and tell them about sex, its effects, and how they have a choice. You will never be able to really know what is going on but you may find some things you don't like.

My theory is to walk loudly, and call ahead.

EDIT: One sex talk isn't enough. It needs to be an ongoing dialog IMO. Also, you should really make sure they know how and where to get protection. Don't condone it, but just make sure they know how to get there. Speaking from experience, finding out you really should have used some protection having a huge scare, then having to research and find a responsible place was terrifying as a youth. A dot on a map and a talk about what the options are would have gone a long way.

 

[Aleforge]

No offense but I understand how it works. I just felt 12 was fairly young. I was in school once also, and times have changed. I just think it sucks and wanted to vent.

I get what you mean by if you don't wanna know don't look. But I still think their should be some supervision at this age. We caught her with a myspace at 11 and noted she was 21 on her profile and had been talking to older guys. This is a situation where its ok as a parent to be nosy. Sometimes you can in fact step in and "do something" to help mitigate the dangers. And we did, a few years later and she has become more open vocally and with her online bs. And I find she doesn't hide nearly as much crap as she could.

In any event the "birds and bees" talk is an open and ongoing situation. I just noted we "had the talk" to show it gets brought up. I also know there is only so much you can do outside of be supportive once your kids get to this age. I was the same way when the kids were little, giving people the "don't be so paranoid" lecture. You will change also once dicks become involved!

And on an immature parent side note I actually found the way it was mentioned fairly funny, as I know its inevitable this **** is gonna happen.

 

[Damonic]

You've got to f*$#%ing be kidding me?! I would go through the roof if I found that. But then again, your daughter didn't really say or do anything inappropriate, it was her friend. If she knows the ground rules and understands you guys might check the account at any time, couldn't you bring up what happened and have another talk with her? She may react in a positive way that would make you proud. I dunno... I'm a new father, my baby girl is only 8 months old, but I already DREAD the pre-teen years. The thought of that junior football player makes me cringe and my blood boil. Obviously kids are going to act on their own and hopefully we've instilled decent morals and decision making ability in them before they get to that stage. But cripes... I'm gonna have a really hard time dealing with this.

I know I'll have to face reality someday but for now, I'm just going to try and enjoy my baby girl.

 

[jezter6]

My co-worker's daughter's friend (13-14) was expelled for giving head IN THE HALLWAY at school.

Times have changed since I was in 8th grade...

 

[Boerderij_Kabouter]

I know you know what's going on. I am just saying that it sounds like you have done a good job getting her that far. I definitely think you still have a major influence on her, but it just that, an influence.

When I was in grade school and high school, BJ's were not unheard of by 7th grade and not uncommon by 8-9th grade. 4th base was pretty common by sophomore year.

I grew up in a very affluent area with caring and supportive parents. I know a lot of kids from less supportive areas and trust me, the trends there aren't better.

My youngest brother is about to graduate high school in a couple weeks. He first started going to drinking a drug parties in 6th grade. I could tell instantly. I think he was sexually active by 7th grade. It is just a fact that in today's society where the forbidden fruit is constantly dangled that kids will react to it. The hormones are raging.

Damonic- You just have to remember how you felt when you were a teen to understand how those boys feel and think. It isn't really their fault. You just have to teach the kids to think for themselves.

NOTE: Don't think I won't want to kill them too. I will have a gun cleaning station setup in the front of the house when potential boyfriends start coming to the house Also, I believe I am going to demand a formal introduction of all boys Sibella intends to go out with. I can't wait to be a dad.

 

[Skins_Brew]

my wife teaches 5th grade. You are talking like 9-10 year olds here. She has found ripped up notes in her classroom about kids giving other kids 'head' and the like.

 

[Damonic]

Damonic- You just have to remember how you felt when you were a teen to understand how those boys feel and think. It isn't really their fault. You just have to teach the kids to think for themselves.

NOTE: Don't think I won't want to kill them too. I will have a gun cleaning station setup in the front of the house when potential boyfriends start coming to the house Also, I believe I am going to demand a formal introduction of all boys Sibella intends to go out with. I can't wait to be a dad.

Actually I would say I was not the norm. I was convicted to wait until marriage through my junior year of high school... then I met her. And sex is like Pringles... once you pop...

Still, I think losing my virginity at 17 was older than most guys. I completely see your point, I was still a raging hormone-infused horndog. I just pray that I do a decent job raising this kid.

 

[jgln]

When I was that age I was very influenced by music and the words to them. Back then sex in music is no where near as graphic as it is today. Today you actually her things like "Yo B*&^% come over here and suck on my D*&^" or "bounce that a$$ up and down on my *&%^$ in the music today or VERY close to that. Kids want to live the lives of their idols and what better idols (in their minds) than idols that are extremely rich, have sex and party all day. One song I heard was a part sung by a woman saying something like “come over here and stick that it in my &^% (they interrupt with something so you don’t actually hear what she said). I think that has a LOT to do with it unfortunately it is too late to turn it around IMO.

 

[DeathBrewer]

Most of it is just talk. I remember that when I was their age and the girls talked nasty but didn't really do anything. Of course, that doesn't mean I wasn't trying to get head, myself

 

[Boerderij_Kabouter]

I wouldn't count on it just being talk.

I am right there with you Damonic. I hope I don't F this up.

 

[Laughing_Gnome_Invisible]

There is no answer.

We are ALL different.

Could be just yak, could be more.

The only thing that I do know is that it is horrifying, a shock to the gut and the brain.

Yo just gotta weigh it against what you know about your own childhood, and what yo know about your kid, then act accordingly.

I'm jst glad that this crap is now in my distant past.

 

[springer]

ask just about any teen and they will tell you BJ's and carpet/hardwood munching isnt really sex.

 

[david_42]

Oh I don't know about it being just talk. Locally, kids are getting pregnant at that age. Except the fundies, they saddleback 'cause it ain't real sex.

 

[Homercidal]

I'm lucky my daughter (14) is not into that stuff. No, I'm not naive, I know because I pay attention. She hangs out with good kids, and we watch her constantly. I know some of the other kids her age are doing it, but it's not as widespread as many think.

I knew some kids in my middle school who were doing drugs and having sex of all types. I would have loved it, but even then I could see the trouble it would cause.

I'm thinking that my daughter is also that smart. How long will this last? Anyone's guess. I was screwing her mom when she was only 18, but we were very careful.

We just upgraded our cell phones and my daughter now has a texting plan. I told her I can get copies of her texts. Now to find out if I really can!

 

[Bobby_M]

The thing to remember is that no matter how good of a parent you are and how open the lines of communication are, they're going to do what they want to do. I think the worst reason a young girl would have to justify sex is a lack of self esteem. It's not the only reason they'd screw around, but gaining the acceptance of an older teen boy is probably the #1 reason. As the father of a 4 year old girl, I don't want to assume I have plenty of time to figure all this out. I'm sure the doorbell will be ringing before I know it.

 

[Homercidal]

Kids are just horny. I know I was at that age. Luckily girls were scary. They lead to responsibility. I also think I was just clueless. I remember looking back on certain events and understanding that I had golden ops., but just didn't see it at the time. Probably a good thing. And I've heard stories about some pretty good parties.

I think many of those girls were from troubled lives, or lack of esteem as Bobby suggests. It's hard for girls to understand how strong boys yearnings can be. Flirting can be dangerous.

 

[DeathBrewer]

I'm still dangerous. But at least now I'm knowledgeable. And women are still scary

 

[jds]

I'm still dangerous. But at least now I'm knowledgeable. And women are still scary

And no matter how old I get, high school girls stay the same age...

Seriously, though. My daughter's six, so I have (hopefully) another couple of years before I have to start worrying. The scary part of being a dad is coming up soon. Too soon.

And OP, I like the Facebook/Myspace rule. Our rule at home already is that the computer only gets used in 'public' parts of the house -- the kitchen, living room, etc etc. Computers and phones aren't for the bedroom.

 

[Aleforge]

Ya its a good point about self esteem. This particular friend has always seemed to have issues. She is overly obsessed with my daughter, and has a weird church youth group guy that keeps getting chatty with her. She also has bed wetting problems (which usually stem from some kind of child hood trauma when kids are this old) And has overly strict mother. My wife took her shopping with my daughter and she freaked out because a shirt had a cherry on it. Says her mom says it means something sexual and she isn't allowed clothing with cherries on them.

Over all she seems a bit weird, they have been friends for a few years. Best friends, and she even wrote my daughter a "OMG YOUR MY BEST FRIEND EVER" letter and framed it for her........

Something isn't right.

 

[DeathBrewer]

Says her mom says it means something sexual and she isn't allowed clothing with cherries on them.

I'd say you found the source of her sexual curiousity.

 

[Boerderij_Kabouter]

The cherry is a symbol for virginity, or rather the loss of it as in popping a girl's cherry.

Sounds like she has a weird home life.

 

[SchizoFilly]

to the OP: not to be a complete ****** about this, but it sounds like your daughter's friend has daddy issues. Girls with daddy issues are just easy pickings. I don't know how many girls in school would do things just to get attention from a guy. It's disturbing but true, and I don't have enough firearms to be a father to a little girl.

 

[eriktlupus]

even better than having the gun cleaning station is to teach your princess how to shoot one and make sure that every boy that comes over knows this. every boy in my kids school knew that kirsty had a shotgun and went hunting with her dad, it really did cut down on the bull**** from the boys who were just after some.

 

[eschatz]

Hell, when I was that age I had just figured out what my weiner was for. Walking around all day trying to put it in something was the name of the game.

 

[Aleforge]

to the OP: not to be a complete ****** about this, but it sounds like your daughter's friend has daddy issues. Girls with daddy issues are just easy pickings. I don't know how many girls in school would do things just to get attention from a guy. It's disturbing but true, and I don't have enough firearms to be a father to a little girl.

Your not being a ******, that makes total sense to me.