Lady is walking past a pet store one morning
Parrott sitting out front yells
"HEY LADY"
Lady says "what?"
Parrott says "you're really freaking ugly"
Lady storms off.
Next day Lady walking by the same pet store
Parrott yells "HEY LADY"
Lady says "what?
Parrott says "you're really freaking ugly"
Lady offended goes in to see the owner and complains about the parrot. Owner says he'll talk to the bird.
Next day lady is walking by the pet store and the bird yells "HEY LaDy"
She says "what?"
Bird says "YOU KNOW!"
Hemidoc said:Optimist says the glass is half full.
Pessimist says it's half empty.
Engineer says the glass is twice as large as is needed to contain the liquid therein.
The other engineer says the glass has a safety factor of 100%. Meanwhile, the accountant wants to know while we're spending money on all that unused space in the glass.
TrainSafe said:And OSHA wants to know why there its no warning label on the glass. Their inspector is asking if the optimist, pessimist, engineer, and accountant have been trained on the potential hazards.
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HBT members get fed up with such a trivial question and all agree the only good glass is a clean full one. Then travel to the "What are you drinking now thread."
One day the teacher of a 2nd grade class was quizzing her students on the alphabet. "Who can give me a word that starts with 'A'?" Little Jonny raised his hand 1st, but the teacher called on Susie because Jonny had a foul mouth & she didn't want to give him a chance to spout profanity in the classroom.
"Apple starts with A." said Susie. The teacher went on with the quizzing, calling on everyone except little Jonny. It was clear that Jonny was getting quite frustrated that the teacher wasn't calling on him, even though he was always 1 st to raise his hand. By this time they were on the letter "R." The teacher thought hard & couldn't think of a single cuss word starting with "R," so she finally called on Jonny.
"Jonny, can you give us a word that starts with the letter R?" she said. Little Jonny thought about it for a couple seconds & then said "Rats, BIG fvcking rats, with d!cks this long!"
A few days later, the teacher got to the letter "U". She again calls on Jonny.
"Urinate!", says Jonny.
"Well, that's fairly disgusting, Jonny, but I guess that's not a curse word. You're correct. 'Urinate' starts with 'U'."
"No, not urinate, like piss on the floor," says Jonny. "Urinate! But if your tits were bigger, you'd be a ten!"
A few days later, the teacher got to the letter "U". She again calls on Jonny.
"Urinate!", says Jonny.
"Well, that's fairly disgusting, Jonny, but I guess that's not a curse word. You're correct. 'Urinate' starts with 'U'."
"No, not urinate, like piss on the floor," says Jonny. "Urinate! But if your tits were bigger, you'd be a ten!"
And the duck pecks his eyes out for cheating!Ridire said:Man walks into his house with a duck under his arm. He enters the room where his wife is sitting and says, "honey, this is the pig I've been fu@king". The wife replies, "that's no pig, you dummy". The man says, "I wasn't talking to YOU".
Quadriplegic on your doorstep?
Matt.
Quadriplegic hanging on the wall?
Art.
Quadriplegic in the pool?
Bob.
Quadriplegic behind a ski boat?
Skip.
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