JOAM Help...

[CreamyGoodness]

Hi all,

First time mead maker here. I followed that guy Yooper's recipe for "Joe's Ancient Orange Mead" to the letter except I made some changes:

Instead of 1 clove I used 32. I like cloves.

I scrubbed the orange peel and then cut the orange in 123 pieces using my sterilized Slap Chop.

Instead of bread yeast, I used a starter I made with Nottingham Ale Yeast, 2 slices of pumpernickle and K1117.

Instead of 3.5 lbs of honey, I used 3 pounds of brown sugar and a pound of Karo syrup (I live in Possum Cornhole Flats Arkansas and honey is expensive here).

Instead of a dark closet, I have it under a strobe light in my Hot Chicks Room.

Should I rack this after 45 minutes? My airlock just bubbled...

Thanks in advance.

 

[boydster]

The airlock bubbled? It's probably done.

Edit to add: I've never made mead before either, but my opinion is nonetheless invaluable. Not only have I stayed at a Holiday Inn Express recently, but I have thrice cooked Hungry Man frozen dinners, so I'm pretty much an expert on all things food and drink related.

 

[brew_ny]

Should I rack this after 45 minutes? My airlock just bubbled...

keg and force carb, you should be golden

 

[CreamyGoodness]

Should I enter it in a competition?

 

[boydster]

Well, yes... Several, as a matter of fact. First, though: have you gotten the ball rolling on opening a brewery?

 

[CreamyGoodness]

Well, yes... Several, as a matter of fact. First, though: have you gotten the ball rolling on opening a brewery?

I have big plans in the works, in fact. Tomorrow I have 30 hives of Africanized honey bees ariving from this provider I found on the internet in Kenya. I'm taking a University of Allentown course on bee husbandry, and should be done with the first lesson by next week.

I'm really getting a lot of joy out of this "hobby".

 

[hunter_le five]

This thread made my morning.

 

[TheDudeLebowski]

Epic fail. You forgot the okra.

 

[jonmohno]

So I'm confused about the line between sarcasm and trolling. Some people like to have fun yet get called trolls. And further advice would bee, to rack it into a live bee hive. It creates a bee stimulus that makes for a great mead. Yup, it does.

 

[boydster]

You can dry-okra in the keg still. Just boil it first, and make sure you use pantyhose or something to keep it contained. Since there is already alcohol present from the 45 minute fermentation, you don't even need to worry about washing or sanitizing the pantyhose anymore. Just steal 'em from the floor on SWMBO's side of the bed when she isn't looking.

 

[Beernik]

you can dry-okra in the keg still.

hahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!

 

[MedicMang]

I think it's infected.


Sent from Cheese Doodle Land.

 

[BrewersKaramazov]

Best thread ever! Just drunk enough to laugh out loud at this.

 

[banesong]

Hi all,

First time mead maker here. I followed that guy Yooper's recipe for "Joe's Ancient Orange Mead" to the letter except I made some changes:

Instead of 1 clove I used 32. I like cloves.

I scrubbed the orange peel and then cut the orange in 123 pieces using my sterilized Slap Chop.

Instead of bread yeast, I used a starter I made with Nottingham Ale Yeast, 2 slices of pumpernickle and K1117.

Instead of 3.5 lbs of honey, I used 3 pounds of brown sugar and a pound of Karo syrup (I live in Possum Cornhole Flats Arkansas and honey is expensive here).

Instead of a dark closet, I have it under a strobe light in my Hot Chicks Room.

Should I rack this after 45 minutes? My airlock just bubbled...

Thanks in advance.

I have to say...I had to reread half if it before I realized this was a joke.

I snorted. thanks.

 

[brew_ny]

are you drinking this ? it should be ready !!!!

update

 

[plath]

I so needed this thread. I know what I'm brewing next.


Sent from my iPhone using Home Brew

 

[boydster]

I bet the bees got him.

 

[Beernik]

Creamy, I followed your recipe to a T, except I sliced my finger open with the slap-chop and bled all over it.

I think that might be bad.

Is it ruined?

 

[boydster]

Creamy, I followed your recipe to a T, except I sliced my finger open with the slap-chop and bled all over it.

I think that might be bad.

Is it ruined?

I think you can now actually advertise: "Now with added iron!"

 

[CreamyGoodness]

So, since I forgot to do a hydrometer reading when I started this, I dont know how to find out the FG. I took a reading today now that its done, and we are right about at 1.09. Good right?

I took a sip, and it kind of tastes like someone pureed an orange waffle after eating a chicken curry in Mumbai.

I have to say I am disappointed in that Yooper dude. His recipe sucks...

 

[boydster]

Hydro whaaaa? Did a mythological creature appear to you after testing the mead and give you a dollar and nine cents? I don't follow.

There's something you should know about Yooper... He is really sensitive about his recipes. I think it has something to do with being from Canada, they take their beer and hockey seriously.

Did you try the dry okra addition? That might give you the extra flavor dimension it needs.

 

[hunter_le five]

I have to say I am disappointed in that Yooper dude. His recipe sucks...

He's the worst.

I tried his "Fat Squirrel" recipe a while back, even used a couple real squirrels in the mash. I couldn't find a fat squirrel, so I figured two average-sized tree-rats would do the trick. The little bastards kept trying to climb out of the mash tun, and they got grain everywhere, made a huge mess. Finally I just had to hold them under with the mash paddle until they stopped moving. THAT was the easy part. No matter how long I vorlaufed, I kept getting bits of fur in the boil kettle. Anywho, long story short, the beer ended up terrible. I'm starting to think this Yooper fella might be a troll.

 

[Descender]

You're going to need to stabilize with nitrogen triiodide. Then you can backsweeten with Sunny Delight. That will really bring out the orange flavor, and give it that mouthfeel you're after.

 

[mattmmille]

They have okra in Canada?! For the dry okra addition, can I use the regular frozen, breaded stuff? Can it just go right in or should I fry it first?

 

[boydster]

They have okra in Canada?!

No. Yooper is Canadian, not okra. PKU.

For the dry okra addition, can I use the regular frozen, breaded stuff? Can it just go right in or should I fry it first?

Fry it. I mean, stir fry it, don't deep fry it. You need to put it in with some grains to mash if you plan on using deep fried okra. You know, because of the breading and all.

CG, I ordered my own colony of bees the other day, they arrive by ship early next week. This whole mead thing seems so easy the more I read about it... I can't figure out why everyone isn't doing it. Anyway, back to the bees. Will they just take over the wasp nests around my garage, or what...? My neighbor has a lot of dandelions and buttercups in his yard so I'm sure the bees will be quite happy here. I even made a beekeeper suit(!) from an old radiation suit that came with a great discount from a Mr. Shima in northeastern Japan. This is so exciting, my skin feels electric right now!

 

[MedicMang]

This is so exciting, my skin feels electric right now!

It's electric. Boogie woogie woogie.


Sent from Cheese Doodle Land.

 

[boydster]

You're going to need to stabilize with nitrogen triiodide. Then you can backsweeten with Sunny Delight. That will really bring out the orange flavor, and give it that mouthfeel you're after.

I missed this earlier. Agreed, 100%. Something about the NI3 really helps make the orange "pop." Right?! It's also good for getting squirrels out of my yard. They land in the neighbor's, usually in more pieces than when they were in when they were still running around my yard, but I like to think they are helping fertilize the land so more of those flowers can grow for my bees.

 

[Billy-Klubb]

It's electric. Boogie woogie woogie.


Sent from Cheese Doodle Land.

I read that like Ben Stein would have said it.:rockin:

 

[captianoats]

Since you exhale CO2, if you put a straw in the mead and blow bubbles, you will force carb it. Should be ready to drink in minutes.

I do this with all of my milk stout (made with real milk) and it works great. I got second in the competition me and my neighbor had with ourselves.


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[Descender]

I missed this earlier. Agreed, 100%. Something about the NI3 really helps make the orange "pop." Right?! It's also good for getting squirrels out of my yard. They land in the neighbor's, usually in more pieces than when they were in when they were still running around my yard, but I like to think they are helping fertilize the land so more of those flowers can grow for my bees.

Yeah, it's the best way to get a sparkling mead. Think Martinellis with a bit of sunshine. Really fizzes up on the tongue...

 

[drainbamage]

Dammit Creamy, you know someone will try to do that for real.

 

[MedicMang]

I read that like Ben Stein would have said it.:rockin:

It's a multi-layer joke it seems. I see what you mean. I would have read it in a ridiculously monotone manner until I realized it was just from a crap a$$ song. Ha ha ha ha. I miss his game show.


Sent from Cheese Doodle Land.

 

[Billy-Klubb]

It's a multi-layer joke it seems. I see what you mean. I would have read it in a ridiculously monotone manner until I realized it was just from a crap a$$ song. Ha ha ha ha. I miss his game show.


Sent from Cheese Doodle Land.

to be fair though, I "Ben Stein voice" almost every post I read here. the other posts have a wispy German accent. I'm not telling which ones either.

 

[Owly055]

NI3 is original....... gotta try it. Ammonia and iodine, the crystals that result give real snap......... thanks again. I'd never thought of incorporating explosives and beer. Please use caution........ NI3 is safe when wet... deadly unstable when dry. There's a great story about a skating rink in Seattle in the 50's and a couple of crazy HS students spreading the slurry on the ice as they skated...... But you don't want to hear about skaters sounding like freight trains........... this is about beer... right??


H.W.

 

[Billy-Klubb]

NI3 is original....... gotta try it. Ammonia and iodine, the crystals that result give real snap......... thanks again. I'd never thought of incorporating explosives and beer. Please use caution........ NI3 is safe when wet... deadly unstable when dry. There's a great story about a skating rink in Seattle in the 50's and a couple of crazy HS students spreading the slurry on the ice as they skated...... But you don't want to hear about skaters sounding like freight trains........... this is about beer... right??


H.W.

alright. that post gets the light wispy German accent. and it's not about beer, it's about mead.:fro:

 

[mattmmille]

So, If I add NI3, I can make a Molotav Mead? Awesome! But it sounds like you would have to toss it and then wait for it to evaporate...like all good brewing and fermenting, the payoff takes time and patience.

 

[boydster]

So, If I add NI3, I can make a Molotav Mead? Awesome! But it sounds like you would have to toss it and then wait for it to evaporate...like all good brewing and fermenting, the payoff takes time and patience.

The alcohol content helps with the speed of evaporation, so assuming you let it ferment for at least an hour or so it should be like 90% alcohol (that's at least 150 proof I think) and that means it will evaporate really fast. Just wear science-y goggles to protect your eyes. And one of those fancy lab coats. I think they help with shrapnel. I don't worry about that with the squirrels, but I'm not sure squirrels are your intended target with Molotov Mead so I just offer that as a suggestion. For safety, you know.

Disclaimer: Molotov Mead is bad and should not ever be used by anyone, ever. If you make a Molotov Mead following the advice above, not only will it result in utter disappointment, but you should be removed from the gene pool for even considering trying to implement this foolish fairy tale. Unfortunately, simply considering implementing this foolish fairly tale will not result in your removal from the gene pool, and so it is only right that you try to implement the plan successfully, knowing that the implementation of said plan is not only improbable but also not condoned by the person postulating it in any way, shape, or form, and so the postulator cannot be held accountable in any way for your poor choice should you attempt to see this horribly stupid idea through to completion. Don't do it. Or, if you are really stupid, try it and blame someone else in your diary to the future.

 

[MedicMang]

I think my batch is finally done but I think it may be infected. Or could it be yeast rafts?

 

[cheezydemon3]

I did the same thing, only instead of cloves I used lutefisk. And instead of 33 lbs of lutefisk, I used 83 lbs of lutefisk.

I like lutefisk.

I fermented the thing in the broom closet of a "Brew on Premises" place that had no temp control in the back room where they put the fermenters.

NO TEMP CONTROL!!!!!! WTF?

I wanted no part of that, so I snuck it into their broom closet with their furnace.

I wanted to try "closed fermentation" so I crazy glued a solid lid onto the fermenter.

Instead of notty, I used a hamhock and some white mold that was growing on it.

I like hamhock.....I like mold.

I tried to go in to take a sampl, and they forcibly stopped me at the door. Again, WTF?

I plan to break in tonight and bottle it.

 

[Billy-Klubb]

I did the same thing, only instead of cloves I used lutefisk. And instead of 33 lbs of lutefisk, I used 83 lbs of lutefisk.

I like lutefisk.

I fermented the thing in the broom closet of a "Brew on Premises" place that had no temp control in the back room where they put the fermenters.

NO TEMP CONTROL!!!!!! WTF?

I wanted no part of that, so I snuck it into their broom closet with their furnace.

I wanted to try "closed fermentation" so I crazy glued a solid lid onto the fermenter.

Instead of notty, I used a hamhock and some white mold that was growing on it.

I like hamhock.....I like mold.

I tried to go in to take a sampl, and they forcibly stopped me at the door. Again, WTF?

I plan to break in tonight and bottle it.

those people are ruUUUuuuude!