Wedding Roles (That have fallen out of favor)

[CreamyGoodness]

As a history major, rituals have always been interesting to me. The most notable ritual we as Americans and Europeans still participate in is the wedding ceremony. Aside from simple guests, there are several wedding roles of people said to be "in the wedding." I should mention, passingly, that until I myself got married I was never chosen to be "in the wedding." It was lucky enough that I was chosen to be "in" my own wedding, come to think of it.

Below are some (completely ficticious) wedding roles that fell out of favor over the centuries.

The Worst Man- Invited because he threatened to kill himself if he wasnt. He used to date the bride, or the Maid of Honor, and liked the world a lot better back then. Lets anyone who will listen know this, loudly. Usually had to be removed forcefully by the Bridesmen.

The Snake Guy What's a wedding without a shirtless dude smoking a cigarette with a boa constrictor around his shoulders? The Snake Guy made a resurgence in the 1980's standing outside pizza shops and in motor home parks.

Bridesmen- Essentially the bride's goon squad. Since the groom's friends and family were still recovering from the bachelor party at this point, the bride's father, uncles and brothers had to make sure she got up and down the aisle unharmed. Also, at least one of them might be detailed to pick her up if she tripped on her dress.

The Inofficiant- This is a title usually bestowed after the wedding was over. Usually replaced mid-ceremony, the Inofficiant would rattle on and on about the power of love and sanctity of marriage, even though he a) was never married or b) was currently boinking the Matron of Dishonor.

Matron of Dishonor- The counterpart of the Maid of Honor. A woman of diminutive virtue (and diminutive attire) who seemed to pop up at just about every wedding. Sometimes useful in distracting The Worst Man, but mostly a nuisance as she distracted everyone else. Often, the Matron of Dishonor would bring a bottle of her own booze (usually something milk or fruit juice based) to an open bar wedding, where she would proceed to drink the entire contents of said bottle before getting into a loud argument with another wedding guest, or her husband.


Isnt history fun?

 

[headbanger]

I don't believe in marriage, therefore I refuse to go to weddings. This makes certain people very angry, honestly I could never figure out why but then again, I don't really give a crap either. You want to get married, fine by me, just don't expect me to show up to some silly "ceremony" or send you some stupid gift from your pre-mandated wish list either.

That said, if I do ever decide to change my no wedding policy, I plan to be "the snake guy" thanks to you. I think I'll use a freshly milked diamondback instead of a boa though... Should be able to find one at a local church easily enough.

Heck, weddings almost sound like fun to me now in light of this new information!

 

[SpookyAlmond]

I was 1 of 4 bridesmen for my sister's wedding. So it's not entirely fictitious!

 

[CreamyGoodness]

I was 1 of 4 bridesmen for my sister's wedding. So it's not entirely fictitious!

My "best man" was (and still is, ha) a woman, and my wife had a man on her side of the wedding as well.

 

[BinghamtonEd]

I don't believe in marriage, therefore I refuse to go to weddings.

Whether one believes in marriage or not, can't we all believe in open bars, free meals, and bridesmaids?

Feel free to not believe in wedding gifts and/or moderation, though.

 

[unionrdr]

What gets me is that they no longer have "love,honor & obey" in the vows. They had that word obey in our vows in 1977. And the matron of dishonor is def one I remember & will not name. Everytime one of her friends (my wife & I included here) got pregnant,she said she was too. but copped out at the end of 9 months saying she lost it. Every single time. she then tried to break us all up. Sheez.

 

[BinghamtonEd]

Everytime one of her friends (my wife & I included here) got pregnant,she said she was too. but copped out at the end of 9 months saying she lost it. Every single time.

Meh, possible. I have a 10 month old and I lose her all the time.

 

[unionrdr]

The lil ones are quick when you least expect them to be,aren't they?! We lost our middle son once when he was like 5 or 6. It was Christmas shopping time at the mall,& he wandered off coming out of one store as we headed for the one next door. Oh man,the terrible things that went through my mind as we frantically searched for him.

 

[Jayhem]

I don't believe in marriage, therefore I refuse to go to weddings. T... just don't expect me to show up to some silly "ceremony" or send you some stupid gift from your pre-mandated wish list either.

That's kinda a lame excuse. I don't believe in our government but I still vote. I don't like some of the bands at music festivals but that doesn't stop me from going for the others.

Where can you take your spouse or date to a 4 course meal with an open bar for $50?

Personally I think all weddings need:

1. The Wedding Bouncer - The burly dude who forcibly escorts unruly guests and uninvites out the door.

2. Party Boy - The dude in a banana hammock that gives a "free" lap dance to anyone refusing to participate in the drinking and dancing festivities.

 

[Redoubt]

I don't believe in marriage, therefore I refuse to go to weddings. This makes certain people very angry, honestly I could never figure out why but then again, I don't really give a crap either. You want to get married, fine by me, just don't expect me to show up to some silly "ceremony" or send you some stupid gift from your pre-mandated wish list either.

I'm indifferent toward marriage as an institution -- though historically (and in some cultures presently) it's a bum deal for women, which more often than not puts me to the anti side of indifference -- but I'll probably never do it myself. I haven't been to a wedding recently, despite numerous invites, because in all cases they've been blatant money grabs. I get that once upon a time marriage was a young couple embarking on a new life together with a new, first-time-shared house that needs to be furnished, etc. Showers and wedding gifts make sense in that context. When the couple has lived together for the last 5-10 years, in a fully-furnished house, and, knowing they don't need anything, just ask for money? Er. Not gonna happen. I need that money for grains, hops, and other beery gadgets!

 

[headbanger]

That's kinda a lame excuse. I don't believe in our government but I still vote. I don't like some of the bands at music festivals but that doesn't stop me from going for the others.

I'm not making excuses, no need to. If someone has a problem with me, or something I'm either doing or not doing, they're typically told promptly to go defecate in one hand and start clapping.

I Don't vote either, you got a problem with that?

 

[kombat]

What gets me is that they no longer have "love,honor & obey" in the vows. They had that word obey in our vows in 1977.

Why does that "get" you?

Just curious. My wife and I specifically selected our vows to exclude the word "obey." Ours were "love, honour, and cherish."

Marriage is a partnership. We're equals. She's not obligated to "obey" me just because I happen to be the one with the penis.

 

[hunter_le five]

She's not obligated to "obey" me just because I happen to be the one with the penis.

I believe you are referring to the "royal scepter", and yes, that is where a man's natural authority is derived from.

In all seriousness, I'm not big into marriage as an institution, and I think the idea of spending 1/3 to 1/2 a year's salary on a ceremony is a baffling societal tradition, but I can appreciate the open bar and the festivities. One of my favorite experiences was being best man at my brothers wedding, though I myself am in no hurry to be tied down.

 

[gratus fermentatio]

Matron of Dishonor- The counterpart of the Maid of Honor. A woman of diminutive virtue (and diminutive attire) who seemed to pop up at just about every wedding. Sometimes useful in distracting The Worst Man, but mostly a nuisance as she distracted everyone else. Often, the Matron of Dishonor would bring a bottle of her own booze (usually something milk or fruit juice based) to an open bar wedding, where she would proceed to drink the entire contents of said bottle before getting into a loud argument with another wedding guest, or her husband.


Isnt history fun?

"Nothing says 'Bridesmaid' or 'easy' like short, black leather." - Kelly Bundy
Regards, GF.

 

[unionrdr]

Why does that "get" you?

Just curious. My wife and I specifically selected our vows to exclude the word "obey." Ours were "love, honour, and cherish."

Marriage is a partnership. We're equals. She's not obligated to "obey" me just because I happen to be the one with the penis.

Being Roman Catholic,it was in the vows for both man & woman up to that time. It's a tradition thing that got changed by the bleeding heart liberals. Not PC anymore. I still like how Bill Cosby made light of that part in his older routines though.
So it's more like obeying each others needs,etc. So your definition is esentually what "obey" really means. And it was always intended to go both ways,not just for me & my 3rd leg...

 

[Jayhem]

I'm not making excuses, no need to. If someone has a problem with me, or something I'm either doing or not doing, they're typically told promptly to go defecate in one hand and start clapping.

I Don't vote either, you got a problem with that?

Judging from your Location under your user name this all makes sense to me.

 

[CreamyGoodness]

watch it thar union... the OP is the bloodiest of the bleeding heart liberals of which you speak

 

[headbanger]

Being Roman Catholic,it was in the vows for both man & woman up to that time. It's a tradition thing that got changed by the bleeding heart liberals. Not PC anymore. I still like how Bill Cosby made light of that part in his older routines though.
So it's more like obeying each others needs,etc. So your definition is esentually what "obey" really means. And it was always intended to go both ways,not just for me & my 3rd leg...

A common theme with religion, what it says is rarely what it actually means depending on who you ask.

 

[kombat]

Being Roman Catholic,it was in the vows for both man & woman up to that time.

Are you sure? I always thought for the woman, it was "love, honour, and obey," but for the man it was "love, honour, and protect."

I could be remembering incorrectly though, maybe your version was the "standard" one and I heard a variant.

 

[Jayhem]

A common theme with religion, what it says is rarely what it actually means depending on who you ask.

I don't believe that's a religious theme, that is a human nature thing. People are hypocritical, they say one thing but do another.

 

[headbanger]

I don't believe that's a religious theme, that is a human nature thing. People are hypocritical, they say one thing but do another.

Never mind, my bad.

 

[Yuri_Rage]

Do I have to move this otherwise humorous thread to the debate forum?!

 

[Jayhem]

Negative. Lets get back to wedding roles for $500 please.

 

[CreamyGoodness]

Garter Distraction Crew- This one should have never gone out of style. A group of guys who notice the woman who caught the bouquet, and the guy who caught the garter, and keep the boyfriend/husband/brother of the former from killing the latter. The bartender would be a de facto member of the Garter Distraction Crew.

 

[Jayhem]

Groomsmen Distraction TaTas: That big breasted woman with the cleavage revealing top sitting a few rows back on the grooms side of the audience to keep the groomsmen from checking out the bridesmaids for the entire ceremony.

 

[sweetcell]

i love how on the one hand a group of folks are debating the relative merits of the institution of marriage and its relevance to modern day society; and on the other folks are posting about getting lap-dances from a dude in a banana hammock. HBT RULES.

The Snake Guy What's a wedding without a shirtless dude smoking a cigarette with a boa constrictor around his shoulders? The Snake Guy made a resurgence in the 1980's standing outside pizza shops and in motor home parks.

this character also made a resurgence in hair metal videos in the early 90's.

 

[Jacob_Marley]

Whether one believes in marriage or not, can't we all believe in open bars, free meals, and bridesmaids? ...

I understand Mormon polygamist weddings are *incredible* when the groom is marrying 4 or 5 new brides at once. I guess it’s like a rock concert. Attending are of course all the rest of the existing wives and all of their kids, and all the parents, aunts & uncles and all their kids, everyone from the church, everyone’s neighbors ... and then all the friends and other guests. Absolutely huge. They have to petition city council for a festival permit. The wedding party is so big they qualify for their own Group Health Plan . Just the chiffon for the bridesmaids dresses puts thousands to work. To avoid confusion the entire wedding party has to use color coordinated clothing schemes and "Hello my name is" name badges
Multiple Justices-of-the-Peace, multiple on-site florists, and a phalanx of mothers-in-law keeping order. There's so many kids at the reception it resembles summer camp ... and although there’s no booze, there usually is pretty much the largest assemblage of Ambrosia Salad, Casseroles and Hotdishes on the planet.

 

[cheezydemon3]

BEST BEAST A three headed Garfle was traditionally allowed to eat a small percentage of the guests and make their bones into a rudimnentary throne for the Groom. Why let such a beautiful and sentimental tradition fall by the wayside?

 

[TxBrew]

The Snake Guy What's a wedding without a shirtless dude smoking a cigarette with a boa constrictor around his shoulders? The Snake Guy made a resurgence in the 1980's standing outside pizza shops and in motor home parks.

I did that from 2004 to 2010. No one got it.

 

[Laughing_Gnome_Invisible]

I'm still waiting for my first invitation to a wedding as the "Test Driver"

No explanation needed.