I love puns!

[LabRatBrewer]

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[LabRatBrewer]

Insider Scoop

 

[arturo7]

.

This just doesn't pan out...

 

[terrapinj]

great thread!

heading to an art gallery opening tonight for the street (f)artist Hansky
http://tomhanksy.tumblr.com/

Walken Dead

Milk Jagger

Marty McFly

 

[MindenMan]

A young man walks into a bank and sets a large bag of money in front of the teller and she asks, "Did you hoard all this money yourself?" The young man replies, "No, my sister whore(d) half of it."

 

[smagic14]

...

 

[HumulusHead]

A guy I used to work with wasn't the most sensitive man.

There was a guy on the construction crew named Jose. He had a friend there that we didn't know his name, so the guy I used to work with would call him 'hose B'


Sent from myPhone

 

[Reno_eNVy]

This one killed me.

 

[Cheesy_Goodness]

(oldie but a goodie...)

I was watching the news last night and saw the most heart wrenching story. A peanut took a shortcut on his way back home from work through a dark alley and got assaulted.

 

[boydster]

A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was a nurse said 'No change yet'.

 

[mhurst111]

In a small town in the south of France, there was a traditional ceremony that had been going on for centuries. The local monastery would pick all the flowers from their garden and toss them into the river. They would float down the river and create a beautiful scene as the river filled with multi-color flowers flowed through the middle of the village.

As time went on, the town grew and as technology advanced, they built a water treatment plant. The monks continued the ceremony, but it increasingly interfered with the workings of the water plant, clogging up the intake pipe and causing a mess. The town sent the mayor to ask the monastery to not hold the festival. The next year, flowers come floating down river and made a mess of the water plant. Again, the mayor asks the monks to please not perform the ceremony. The following year, flowers come down river and a mess occurs. This continues for several years.

Eventually, a new mayor, Hugh, is elected on the promise that he will prevent the flower ceremony from disrupting the towns water supply. After winning the election in a landslide victory, Hugh goes and meets with the leaders of the monastery. The town waits as the day of the flower ceremony approaches.

The day comes and passes and no flowers come down the river. The town rejoices.

This tale leads to the obvious moral that:

(Wait for it...)




Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.

 

[Cheesy_Goodness]

I tried pasting the joke on the link below, but there was too much text.

If you've got a few minutes...
http://longestjokeintheworld.com/

 

[Cheesy_Goodness]

I was at a career seminar the other day and the speaker gave me a bit of advice. See I'm pretty lazy by nature and I've got no skills of any kind. He said the best career for me to pursue would be farming. I tried to tell him that it takes a lot of money to buy land and equipment to get started, and on top of that I probably wouldn't be any good at it. Thankfully, he assured me that eventually I would be outstanding in my field.

 

[Homercidal]

I tried pasting the joke on the link below, but there was too much text.

If you've got a few minutes...
http://longestjokeintheworld.com/

Wow. That IS a long joke!

 

[Reno_eNVy]

 

[Brews]

A scientist developed a perfect clone of himself. Every aspect was identical, but the clone was becoming increasingly vulgar and cursed profusely. The scientist was awarded the Nobel peace prize for science and after the awards ceremony they had a private party at the top of a skyscraper in a penthouse suite. The clone had gone with the scientist and was beginning to get out of control, cussing and yelling at everyone and completely embarrassed the scientist. The scientist had had enough and went running across the room and pushed the clone out the window were he fell to his death. The scientist was immediately arrested and charge with…Making an obscene clone fall

 

[ruger988]

I tried pasting the joke on the link below, but there was too much text.

If you've got a few minutes...
http://longestjokeintheworld.com/

I read it.... all of it... and I hate you.

 

[LabRatBrewer]

A scientist developed a perfect clone of himself. Every aspect was identical, but the clone was becoming increasingly vulgar and cursed profusely. The scientist was awarded the Nobel peace prize for science and after the awards ceremony they had a private party at the top of a skyscraper in a penthouse suite. The clone had gone with the scientist and was beginning to get out of control, cussing and yelling at everyone and completely embarrassed the scientist. The scientist had had enough and went running across the room and pushed the clone out the window were he fell to his death. The scientist was immediately arrested and charge with…Making an obscene clone fall

I love this one. I told it twice today. My love seems to be isolated.

 

[Laughing_Gnome_Invisible]

I love this one. I told it twice today. My love seems to be isolated.

In that case!



A washing powder salesman was having a hard time, and had made no sales for two months. He could not feed his kids and his wife left him. He decided to commit suicide by jumping off a tall building.
Newspapers reported that he hit the ground with a thickening sud.


Pun, spoonerism...who cares.

 

[jeffjm]

Two farmers were transporting a prize bull named Caesar to a market across the river. When they got to the river's edge, before putting him into the boat, they stopped to let the bull drink. After drinking his fill, he started eating all the grass along the bank, and showed no inclination to go any further for the day.

This really irritated one of the farmers, who was afraid they'd be late if they didn't keep moving. He said to the other farmer, "We came to ferry Caesar, not to graze him!"