Messing with SWMBO

[m_c_zero]

You actually made your wife eat ****?

Doesn't sound like he made her, sounds like she did it willingly.

 

[b-boy]

Making tacos last night. So I take a deuce from the baby's diaper, and stick it in a taco shell (hard shell). Cover with some meat, then cheese, lettuce, guac, sour cream, hot sauce. Give it to wife.

First bite "this is spicy!"
"Yup."
Second bite "eww, this tastes like ****!"
"Yup."

Got her good.

Note to self. Do not order tacos in Canada.

 

[maxamuus]

Making tacos last night. So I take a deuce from the baby's diaper, and stick it in a taco shell (hard shell). Cover with some meat, then cheese, lettuce, guac, sour cream, hot sauce. Give it to wife.

First bite "this is spicy!"
"Yup."
Second bite "eww, this tastes like ****!"
"Yup."

Got her good.

Hope your joking. This is so wrong on so many levels I don't know where to start....

 

[bottlebomber]

Doesn't sound like he made her, sounds like she did it willingly.

Ha! This! She had a choice

 

[BrewerBear]

Making tacos last night. So I take a deuce from the baby's diaper, and stick it in a taco shell (hard shell). Cover with some meat, then cheese, lettuce, guac, sour cream, hot sauce. Give it to wife.

First bite "this is spicy!"
"Yup."
Second bite "eww, this tastes like ****!"
"Yup."

Got her good.

The question remains did she finish the taco?

 

[m_c_zero]

The question remains did she finish the taco?

She did, and asked for seconds.

 

[paulster2626]

Wife is making us nachos for supper. I'm frightened.

I am, however, drinking a Hill Farmstead "florence" so it won't all be bad.

 

[Beernik]

Apparently I mess with my wife by talking in my sleep. A lot.

Early in our marriage this manifested it self with repeated arguments of whether we had talked about something or not. She'd talk to me about it, thinking I was still awake because I carried on a full conversation with her.

Lately though, because of stress, I'm swearing a lot. Like I have sleeping Tourette's syndrome or something. F-this. F-that. F-you. F-off.

Which is totally not me when I'm awake. And what can I do, go to anger management class and say "I'm a really nice guy until I fall asleep and then I'm a raging *******."

She said she isn't sure anynore if I'm awake or sleeping anymore because I sit up with my eyes open and say that stuff.

I don't remember any of it.

So I told her, if you aren't sure then try saying something random. Like ask me about monkeys or something.

So she did it last night.

I said. "**** you and **** the goddamn monkeys."

 

[cluckk]

Alright... I'm somewhat horrified to share this one but...

About once every 5 or 6 years, while being intimate and making sure I'm on top, I'll start to pretend I'm a special needs kid having the time of my life.

Then it kinda becomes a contest to see how long I can hang on.

Also, when I was about 17, my mom was missing a serving spoon from the kitchen and asked me if I'd been digging up the back yard with her spoon. So now whenever any utensils or things are missing from the kitchen and SWMBO asks about it I fess up to having dug up the back yard with whatever is gone.

Recently my wife messed with me in a similar fashion. While being intimate she started singing "Gangnam Style", which is especially hilarious because she's Korean and knows the words. I laughed myself silly.

 

[dfc]

Recently my wife messed with me in a similar fashion. While being intimate she started singing "Gangnam Style", which is especially hilarious because she's Korean and knows the words. I laughed myself silly.

Imagine this...

You're 29 years old. You feel one of "your boys" doesn't exactly feel like the other one. You get checked out. You get diagnosed with cancer. You get the "bad boy" removed. You recover and everything's fine. You're getting intimate with your wife/gf/ladyboy. You bust out the line "Do you like t when I go ball deep"?

 

[PJoyce85]

Apparently I mess with my wife by talking in my sleep. A lot.

Early in our marriage this manifested it self with repeated arguments of whether we had talked about something or not. She'd talk to me about it, thinking I was still awake because I carried on a full conversation with her.

Lately though, because of stress, I'm swearing a lot. Like I have sleeping Tourette's syndrome or something. F-this. F-that. F-you. F-off.

Which is totally not me when I'm awake. And what can I do, go to anger management class and say "I'm a really nice guy until I fall asleep and then I'm a raging *******."

She said she isn't sure anynore if I'm awake or sleeping anymore because I sit up with my eyes open and say that stuff.

I don't remember any of it.

So I told her, if you aren't sure then try saying something random. Like ask me about monkeys or something.

So she did it last night.

I said. "**** you and **** the goddamn monkeys."

I haven't laughed that hard in a while. Thank you kind sir.

There is an app called Sleep Talk. You should get that.

I talk I my sleep too. Mine is when we both fall asleep, I will roll over and ask if she wants to get frisky. Then it sounds like I roll back over and say, "No, I'm too tired," and that's it. This probably happens a couple times a month.

 

[gratus fermentatio]

To mess with your swmbo, next time you're both out somewhere, like going to or from dinner, if you see a homeless person, walk up to them & ask them for some spare change. Make sure swmbo can hear.
Regards, GF.

 

[b-boy]

To mess with your swmbo, next time you're both out somewhere, like going to or from dinner, if you see a homeless person, walk up to them & ask them for some spare change. Make sure swmbo can hear.
Regards, GF.

Yes - It will be even more hilarious when you get stabbed.

 

[Goofynewfie]

During the middle of winter she likes to start the car and let it run for a while so it's nice and warm when she gets in. she doesn't sit in the car to do with you just reaches in through the passenger door and stick the key in and turns it. I like to sneak out once in awhile and turn the air conditioning on the night before so after letting the car warm up for half an hour in minus 40 degree weather she gets into a nice air conditioned car

 

[maynardtl8]

While shes taking a hot shower i wait until she is washing her face or hair and has her eyes closed and then ill pour a cold glass of water over the curtain onto her head. Sit back and watch her scream!

 

[b-boy]

While shes taking a hot shower i wait until she is washing her face or hair and has her eyes closed and then ill pour a cold glass of water over the curtain onto her head. Sit back and watch her scream!

That's a classic. I added a glass shower recently, so I can't do that anymore.

 

[beaksnbeer]

While shes taking a hot shower i wait until she is washing her face or hair and has her eyes closed and then ill pour a cold glass of water over the curtain onto her head. Sit back and listen to her scream!

Fixed

 

[paulster2626]

While shes taking a hot shower i wait until she is washing her face or hair and has her eyes closed and then ill pour a glass of hot acid over the curtain onto her head. Sit back and watch her scream!

Double-fixed

 

[paulster2626]

I just thought of a new one. I'm going to find a picture of someone's junk and print it off, then set up the baby monitor to be pointing at it. When she goes to see how the kid is doing - WHAMMO! BALLS IN YOUR FACE!

 

[KVANTAN]

I just thought of a new one. I'm going to find a picture of someone's junk and print it off, then set up the baby monitor to be pointing at it. When she goes to see how the kid is doing - WHAMMO! BALLS IN YOUR FACE!

Get a picture of someone else's baby, like a really different looking baby and set it up in front of the camera.

 

[AMonkey]

I'm going to find a picture of someone's junk and print it off

So just a normal day for you?

 

[paulster2626]

So just a normal day for you?

Just google it. There's some fat dude naked a few rows down.

https://www.google.ca/search?q=picture+of+someone's+junk

 

[USAFSooner]

Sneak in the bathroom while she is showering and as quietly as possible pinch a deuce. Even better if she sings or listens to the radio in the shower. The warm moist air makes the nasal receptors that much more receptive.

 

[HoppyDaze]

or better yet....leave an upper decker at your wife's parents house

 

[maxamuus]

I just thought of a new one. I'm going to find a picture of someone's junk and print it off, then set up the baby monitor to be pointing at it. When she goes to see how the kid is doing - WHAMMO! BALLS IN YOUR FACE!

Why not just use a picture of your own junk?

 

[USAFSooner]

or better yet....leave an upper decker at your wife's parents house

Bonus points if its in the guest bathroom that never gets used.

 

[paulster2626]

Why not just use a picture of your own junk?

That woudl mean there would have to be a digital copy of said photo stored somewhere, which could be used against me.
Plus, it's too small to show up in the printer.

 

[TheGreatFermenter]

I like to take baby powder and put it in the hair dryer. I always make sure I'm In the room to hear the WTF!!!

 

[flyingfinbar]

I'm a fan of sneaking a booger onto her watch, then asking her what time it is.... She hates boogers, so it's even funnier.

Also, if I'm driving and I see her taking a sip of her water, I'll give the brakes a quick stomp. That ones my favorite.

 

[dkwolf]

Alright... I'm somewhat horrified to share this one but...

About once every 5 or 6 years, while being intimate and making sure I'm on top, I'll start to pretend I'm a special needs kid having the time of my life.

Then it kinda becomes a contest to see how long I can hang on.

Ever hear of the rodeo position? You mount from behind, cup her chest in your hands, whisper in her ear, "These feel just like your sisters'"... and see how long you can hang on.

 

[HoppyDaze]

Why not just use a picture of your own junk?

now we're getting a little bit to personal...interwebz line crossed!!@

 

[the_bird]

I just thought of a new one. I'm going to find a picture of someone's junk and print it off, then set up the baby monitor to be pointing at it. When she goes to see how the kid is doing - WHAMMO! BALLS IN YOUR FACE!

 

[bioguy]

That woudl mean there would have to be a digital copy of said photo stored somewhere, which could be used against me.
Plus, it's too small to show up in the printer.

You could get one of these: Magellan XHR Scanning Electron Microscope. It has a resolution of down to 1nm. If it won't show up on that, then there isn't anything there.

 

[paulster2626]

You could get one of these: Magellan XHR Scanning Electron Microscope. It has a resolution of down to 1nm. If it won't show up on that, then there isn't anything there.

Seems like a lot of work for something that can just be accomplished in 3 seconds on Google.

 

[emjay]

You should take a picture from where the baby monitor normally is, of an empty crib, and just have the camera looking at that. Then when she wakes up in the morning (with you still in bed), she'll think the baby was kidnapped. LOL!

 

[paulster2626]

Solid! You know, there are a lot of things you can do with the baby monitor.

I think I'm going to move it so it's viewing our bed, then get busy with the wife and check out what I'm doing from a different angle.

"what are you doing, honey?"
"oh nothing just checking on the kid"

 

[the_bird]

"*Uh, uh* *grunt* What are you doing, dear?"

"Just watching my boys"

"What do you mean, 'boys'? We only have one son... OH YOU ****ING PERVERT!"

 

[CreamyGoodness]

"*Uh, uh* *grunt* What are you doing, dear?"

"Just watching my boys"

"What do you mean, 'boys'? We only have one son... OH YOU ****ING PERVERT!"

Upon which time I'd start singing "Simply Red's" magnum opus "If you dont know meeeee byyyy nooooow.... "

 

[bottlebomber]

Upon which time I'd start singing "Simply Red's" magnum opus "If you dont know meeeee byyyy nooooow.... "

You're too slow of a humper if you can keep tempo with that song

 

[CreamyGoodness]

Why do you think your sister calls me "metronome"?