First Homemade Beer

[Nooga]

So I've been hearing buddies at work talk about brewing during lunch and decided to give it go.

Based on what I could figure from them, I went out and bought a bucket and a turkey fryer from Home Depot. Then I went to the beer making store and bought 5 pounds of grain, 5 little bags of hops, and 5 packets of yeast. I figured I was going to make 5 gallons of beer so that sounds about right.

Then I filled up the turkey fryer pot with 5 gallons of water. Threw the grain and hops in there and boiled it for about twenty minutes until it looked nice and golden brown and smelled like beer. Then I poured it through a clean t-shirt into the bucket to strain out all the mess. I threw in the yeast and sealed that baby up with the lid to the bucket.

So, my questions are, how long do I need to keep it sealed up in the bucket before I can drink it. Two: How do I get it from the bucket to the bottles Ive been saving. It seems to heavy to pour through a funnel. Three: Can I just screw the old caps back on the bottles or do I need to buy the new ones they sell at the beer making store.

 

[Denny]

I SO hope this is a joke.....

 

[hunter_le five]

Not to sound like a ******, but I hope this is a joke...

If not, I suggest you go back to the home brew shop and have the guy walk you through the process of making beer. Maybe start with kit recipes that include instructions. There's quite a bit about your method that needs to be corrected.

 

[stinkmuis]

 

[hunter_le five]

1) Beer is not just a random amount of grain, hops, and yeast. Follow a recipe.
2) Grain should not be boiled. It needs to mashed at proper temps, and then the liquid needs to be boiled separately.
3) You probably used WAY too much yeast.
4) I hope your bucket has an airlock to vent gas. A sealed fermentation container is going to get.... explosive.
5) It's vital that everything that touches the beer following the boil is SANITARY. That bit about the t-shirt makes me nervous...
6) I hope you chilled the beer to at least room temp before you pitched the yeast, otherwise you probably just killed all of it.
7) A *sanitized* siphon is the best way transfer beer to the bottles from a bucket, preferably with a bottling wand.
8) You need pry-off caps on non-twist-off bottles, and the caps need to be new.
9) I could keep going....

Seriously, it pays to do a bit of research before you dive right in. Your local homebrew shop is a great resource, as is this website, if you look in the stickies.

 

[beergolf]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SF3FluyZbCg

good one....

 

[Conman13]

This is hilarious. I truly hope this is a joke.

 

[Clonefan94]

This is hilarious. I truly hope this is a joke.

But what if this ends up as the greatest beer ever made? :smack:

 

[thejudge]

Lmfao, nice... But defiantly makes ya wonder what it'll taste like 😝 just not brave enough myself to try lol.

 

[NivekD]

Don't feed the trolls...

 

[JUST_BREW_IT]

Just because the lid rockets off the top of your bucket (and it will without a blow off tube or air lock) it does not mean it is done.

There are several issues in how you got to this point but lets focus on trying to get some stomach-able beer from this concoction.

Go back to your 'beer making store' and buy an airlock and stopper like this (click here).

Now drill a hole in the top/lid of your bucket, allowing your recently purchased stopper and airlock to fit snuggly into. You'll need to put some sterile water into your airlock as well to keep anything from getting into your brew while it ferments (use a starsan mix w/ water if possible. you can get it at your beer makin store).

Once you have that done just let it sit for at least a couple weeks. I'd probably give it 3 or 4, allowing your yeast to perhaps clean up some of the mess you may have created with the process you used to get to this point.

Now that 3-4 weeks will give you plenty of time to get on this forum and research bottling methods and more importantly how to SAFELY brew beer for the next batch that you will hopefully brew.

BTW, be sure to keep your pets and small children away from your fermenting bucket until you have it properly vented with airlock or blowoff tube. Depending on the yeast you are using and the temps you are fermenting in, you could be looking at a very volatile fermentation which could result in a very violent expulsion of your bucket lid from the pressure that is building up since no air lock has been incorporated.

I'm fairly new to brewing too so I'm hoping someone else can chime in and maybe give some guidance in regards to the ingredient amounts you used and feasible solutions to making this drinkable

 

[AndMan3030]

definitely joking

 

[mikeysab]

Did you use all 5 packets of yeast? You may have overpitched by a couple billion cells. It should be fine though.

 

[Nooga]

1) Beer is not just a random amount of grain, hops, and yeast. Follow a recipe.
2) Grain should not be boiled. It needs to mashed at proper temps, and then the liquid needs to be boiled separately.
3) You probably used WAY too much yeast.
4) I hope your bucket has an airlock to vent gas. A sealed fermentation container is going to get.... explosive.
5) It's vital that everything that touches the beer following the boil is SANITARY. That bit about the t-shirt makes me nervous...
6) I hope you chilled the beer to at least room temp before you pitched the yeast, otherwise you probably just killed all of it.
7) A *sanitized* siphon is the best way transfer beer to the bottles from a bucket, preferably with a bottling wand.
8) You need pry-off caps on non-twist-off bottles, and the caps need to be new.
9) I could keep going....

Seriously, it pays to do a bit of research before you dive right in. Your local homebrew shop is a great resource, as is this website, if you look in the stickies.

OK, I get it. I messed up. I've been scanning some basic How to Brew stuff and see that I did it all wrong.

1) Not be a jerk but I did use a recipe. 5 lbs of grain, 5 bags of hops, 5 packs of yeast, and 5 gallons of water. Yeah, I just made it up, but it is orderly not random.
2) I don't know what this means. Am I supposed to heat the grains up and mash the liquid out of them and then boil it?
3) Can't have too much of a good thing.
4) It's just a normal bucket. I have no idea if the lid has an airlock or not. But since this beer is gonna suck then maybe an explosion would be pretty cool.
5) Dude, I said my t-shirt was clean. You think I'm a dirty hippy or something.
6) Uhhhhh no. I just emptied all the little packs in there. But, if I killed them then maybe no explosion. So we're good again. Should I put some more yeast in there?
7) Since I apparently don't have the right bottles this doesn't really matter, but I do have siphon for gas that I've never used so it is *SANITIZED*.
8) I don't have the right bottles or caps and I apparently screwed this beer up, but I think I'm going to just leave it in the bucket. If it don't explode in the next couple weeks then I'm going to have some friends over, open the bucket, dip some pitchers in there, and drink whatever we find.

Next batch I'll do a little more research first.

 

[neosapien]

if you do decide to drink this disaster, you have to post notes/pics.

 

[thejudge]

Love your attitude, good luck brother! Lmao

 

[JUST_BREW_IT]

yeah I'm calling BS!

 

[Nooga]

Ok I looked up the airlock thing and understand what that is and why its needed. Ill pick one up tomorrow. I also probably killed the yeast, so Im gonna buy another pack and throw it in there. We'll see what I get.

 

[hunter_le five]

OK, I get it. I messed up. I've been scanning some basic How to Brew stuff and see that I did it all wrong.

1) Not be a jerk but I did use a recipe. 5 lbs of grain, 5 bags of hops, 5 packs of yeast, and 5 gallons of water. Yeah, I just made it up, but it is orderly not random.
2) I don't know what this means. Am I supposed to heat the grains up and mash the liquid out of them and then boil it?
3) Can't have too much of a good thing.
4) It's just a normal bucket. I have no idea if the lid has an airlock or not. But since this beer is gonna suck then maybe an explosion would be pretty cool.
5) Dude, I said my t-shirt was clean. You think I'm a dirty hippy or something.
6) Uhhhhh no. I just emptied all the little packs in there. But, if I killed them then maybe no explosion. So we're good again. Should I put some more yeast in there?
7) Since I apparently don't have the right bottles this doesn't really matter, but I do have siphon for gas that I've never used so it is *SANITIZED*.
8) I don't have the right bottles or caps and I apparently screwed this beer up, but I think I'm going to just leave it in the bucket. If it don't explode in the next couple weeks then I'm going to have some friends over, open the bucket, dip some pitchers in there, and drink whatever we find.

Next batch I'll do a little more research first.

1) man, can I get a recipe for cake from you? What you use, 5 cups of flour, 5 cartons of eggs, 5 barrels of sugar, and 5 gallons of milk? Something like that? Bet it's yummy.

2) "mashing" refers to the process of steeping the grains with a set amount of water at a set temperature - well below boiling, usually around 150 or so, depending on the recipe. The liquid is separated from the grain ( and additional heated water used to rinse the remaining sugars from the grain) which is then boiled. The grain should never be boiled.

3) yes, you absolutely can have too much yeast

4) you've already got this one figured out, it seems

5) "clean" is in no way synonymous with "sanitized"

6) I wouldn't waste any more yeast on this train wreck. Not trying to be mean, but you should cut your losses, learn proper procedure, use a proper recipe, and start over.

7) again, clean or unused is not the same as sanitized

8) good luck with that


(I really can't tell if I'm getting trolled here or not....)

 

[MustBeZ]

This is making my brain hurt.

Even if the yeast are still alive you won't get beer or an explosion. You boiled the grains meaning you got virtually no fermentable sugars from the "mash" at that high of a temperature, and that's assuming your grains were even crushed.

Not sure why I'm even asking but, when in this asinine process did you add the hops? Guess I'm just curious.

And finally OP, if this is for real...be sure to save this thread, maybe even print it off. Once you start making good beer down the line this will give you a good laugh.

 

[JUST_BREW_IT]

definitely a new meaning to " the t-shirt method"

 

[mikeysab]

This thread is going to be 500 pages and contain all the information anyone could ever think of to make great beer. Just give it a little time

 

[JUST_BREW_IT]

This thread is going to be 500 pages and contain all the information anyone could ever think of to make great beer. Just give it a little time

I'm just waiting for the heckling to commence

 

[goodgodilovebeer]

and finally op, if this is for real...be sure to save this thread, maybe even print it off. Once you start making good beer down the line this will give you a good laugh.

+1

 

[Nooga]

I put the grain and the hops in the water at the beginning and boiled it all together. I didnt crush the grains, just poured them in. Is crushing the same a mashing them?

Oh well. Im not really embarassed because hell I took a shot at it and we'll just have to see how it turns out.

 

[mikeysab]

Don't let these guys discourage you. We've all made mistakes in brewing. True....not as big as yours, but you'll get on track. Just keep reading and learning. Learn from your mistakes and you''ll be fine

 

[elkshadow]

best thread ever

 

[MustBeZ]

Okay, if the grains weren't crushed then none of the starches and enzymes in the grain were exposed meaning no sugars would have been produced in the first place. Basically what you have in your bucket isn't even beer, more like a starchy, grainy, yeasty soup I would imagine.

The method you used is what's called All Grain brewing. Its the method that most everyone steps UP to. Although it's not unheard of for people to start brewing at all grain, it is very helpful for most to start with extract. If you had done a lot of research and truly understood the process of how a beer is made then going straight to all grain would not have ended in you basically wasting these ingredients on the aforementioned "soup".

What you need to do now is scour this website for as much information as you can on extract brewing as well as buy a home brewing book. I recommend either "How To Brew" by John Palmer or "The Complete Joy of Home Brewing" by Charlie Papazian. Read through these books and get a good understanding on what exactly it takes to make a beer.


Once you've done some reading, go to your local home brew store and buy an equipment kit. It will come with all of the essentials needed to brew a beer from extract. Talk to the people at the store about extract brewing and figure out which extract kit you want to brew. Bring it home and start your new found hobby off on the RIGHT foot by brewing a nice tasty beer.

 

[Demus]

Why is anyone taking this thread seriously? He's either joking or is waaaay beyond help!!!

 

[Pduffy]

Well, if he is not joking, he just needs to take the proper steps to learn how to brew, usually starting with extract, not just going for all grain out of the gate. OP, it seems as if you're as new to brewing as it gets. I'd recommend Munton's hopped extract kits, you basically just bring water to a boil, usually 5.5-6 gallons of water depending on the evaporation rate of your kettle, the general rule of thumb is 1 gallon is evaporated per hour during the boil. Kill the heat for a moment, mix in the extract and boil for an hour. Since it is pre hopped, you don't need to worry about improper hop utilization, which may be an issue with your batch. At the end of the boil, after cooling, just pitch your yeast and you should have beer within as little as a few weeks. Though for a healthy fermentation, you should get a food grade plastican bucket and airlock from your local brew shop, just ask for fermentors and they will get you where you need to go. During this fermentation process, you will want to research how to bottle your beer, go back to your shop as well and ask them all about it, watch youtube videos on the subject and it might help to read a book or two. John Palmer's How to Brew is one of the most informative homebrew books out there and is in almost every homebrewer's library. Once you get the basic process down with the hopped kits, then you can move up to extract and hops and specialty grains and then keep learning and eventually you'll be brewing solid all-grain batches. Just keep at it, we all had to start somewhere. Hope this helps a little and good luck in your brewing future.

Cheers

 

[Nooga]

Why is anyone taking this thread seriously? He's either joking or is waaaay beyond help!!!

It's definitely the former and maybe a little of the latter. I'm a former all grain batch sparging brewer (thanks for the help Denny) who slacked off from the hobby about 4 years ago. At the time, I was the only person I knew locally who brewed, but recently some of the guys I work with have gotten into the hobby. They kept coming to me for advice and it reawoke the brewing bug.

Was this site available 4 years ago? I used to be a member of a couple of these discussion forums, but have no idea what my user name or registration email was from back then. I know I was on the Northern Brewer forum back then.

Anyway sorry for having a little fun with you all. Although, if I had the time I've always kind of wanted to try to purposefully make the most mistakes I could on a batch (and still make beer) and see how it turned out.

It would be kind of fun to design the most terrible brewing process you could come up with that would result in a fermented malt and hop beverage without a major infection.

 

[neosapien]

well....make a batch of your original post and post pics then

 

[el_horno]

Shame this is a joke, I was really looking forward to pics and tasting notes haha.

 

[Demus]

Nice! Welcome back!!!

 

[JUST_BREW_IT]

It's definitely the former and maybe a little of the latter. I'm a former all grain batch sparging brewer (thanks for the help Denny) who slacked off from the hobby about 4 years ago. At the time, I was the only person I knew locally who brewed, but recently some of the guys I work with have gotten into the hobby. They kept coming to me for advice and it reawoke the brewing bug.

Was this site available 4 years ago? I used to be a member of a couple of these discussion forums, but have no idea what my user name or registration email was from back then. I know I was on the Northern Brewer forum back then.

Anyway sorry for having a little fun with you all. Although, if I had the time I've always kind of wanted to try to purposefully make the most mistakes I could on a batch (and still make beer) and see how it turned out.

It would be kind of fun to design the most terrible brewing process you could come up with that would result in a fermented malt and hop beverage without a major infection.

Lame!!!

 

[hunter_le five]

Damn... I got trolled....

 

[neosapien]

Damn... I got trolled....

yeah, but look at what the thread says about you, and look at what it says about the troll...

 

[MustBeZ]

Ohhhhh man, I should of known.

Guess that's what I get for trying to turn somebody on to the hobby.

 

[elkshadow]

epic troll is epic.

It does shine a positive light on those who took it seriously and tried to help and a negative light on the troll. Way out of line in a community known for friendliness and trying to be helpful.

I kind of LOLed but I would hope a ban or a shunning will happen.

 

[JBOGAN]

Quality Thread!Still getting a laugh from it knowing it was fake.All i see in my head is some neanderthal dumping a bag that says ingredients along with one that says hops in a pot.Waiting for a while and dumping a bag that says yeast and then sitting there scratching his forehead.This one made my day!