Go big or go home...

[CreamyGoodness]

The ONLY way to truly brew beer at home is not just a matter of AG vs. extract. After you write out your own recipe and weigh out the hops you grew yourself, you will have to malt the grains that you have not just grown on your property, but personally grafted and genetically engineered to make new unique grains. Just buying 2-row at the LHBS is soooo Junior Varsity.



You did of course cross-pollinate your hops, right?

 

[Revvy]

But first you have to smelt the ore to make the metal to build your own brew kettle, dontja?

Then you do this, only on a bigger scale.

 

[CreamyGoodness]

See... thats the voice of experience talking. I never would have even thought of that.

 

[KayaBrew]

What's a hop?

 

[Zuljin]

And you've to make the soil you grow it all in, from composted vegetables you grew from seed you harvested from past vegetable gardens.

 

[lumpher]

dang it, i forgot about the cross-pollination. i can raise my bees to do that, if needed

 

[mike_in_ak]

I've actually been thinking about evolving my own bee-like insect (ideally a bee) from some single-cell organisms I found in one of my bottles for this very purpose!

I figure on their own through random genetic mutation they should be up and running a couple hundred thousand years.

But with the guiding hand of myself who knows next to nothing about biology or any science for that matter, I might be able to cut that time in half.

 

[brewingmeister]

Pffft, I outsource all my genetic modification and pollenator destruction to Monsanto. Leaves me with some free time to run through the streets with my pants on my head.

 

[mike_in_ak]

You obviously don't "get" home brewing or "DIY"


Why not just buy beer if you can't be bothered?

 

[Billy-Klubb]

I cross bred yeast with hops. it can withstand boiling wort without dying off. and will fully ferment, carbonate, and age any style properly by the end of boil so you can have the freshest beer possible. oh, and it's self chilling to proper serving temps.

 

[m_c_zero]

I cross bred yeast with hops. it can withstand boiling wort without dying off. and will fully ferment, carbonate, and age any style properly by the end of boil so you can have the freshest beer possible. oh, and it's self chilling to proper serving temps.

 

[Billy-Klubb]

the only problem is the side affects: it makes you Johnson bigger and has been know to make hair grow back on the balding. maybe I should just throw this stuff away....

 

[m_c_zero]

Will it make women find me more attractive? Or is that a bonus of the bigger johnson/hair?

 

[Billy-Klubb]

Will it make women find me more attractive? Or is that a bonus of the bigger johnson/hair?

yes, yes, and yes. the more I think about it, this stuff is garbage. I mean it automatically gives you the flavor & aroma profiles you want by analyzing the other ingredients you use. I'm just gonna dump it down the garbage disposal.

 

[Zuljin]

yes, yes, and yes. the more I think about it, this stuff is garbage. I mean it automatically gives you the flavor & aroma profiles you want by analyzing the other ingredients you use. I'm just gonna dump it down the garbage disposal.

Great. Now the rats and roaches will be all jacked up.