Hamsterbite
Well-Known Member
My toddler pretty much takes care of that...unfortunately, that includes everyone's shoes.
Messing with SWMBO
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My toddler pretty much takes care of that...unfortunately, that includes everyone's shoes.
Kids got moves
The wife gets me back, but I have done many things to torture her over the years.
1. She was laying on the couch and I came up behind her and gave her a Trojan Helmet.
2. I routinely "plank" her.
3. She's VERY ticklish. Sometimes I'll take my hands and place them under her armpits. This doesn't tickle her, but she freaks out because it's a very ticklish area.
4. I have pajama pants that I'll hike up as far as possible and pull up the legs so it looks like an adult diaper. She hates that.
5. I punch her in the face really hard when she isn't looking.
I've got several more, but I don't want to hog the spotlight here.
1. She was laying on the couch and I came up behind her and gave her a Trojan Helmet.
2. I routinely "plank" her.
3. She's VERY ticklish. Sometimes I'll take my hands and place them under her armpits. This doesn't tickle her, but she freaks out because it's a very ticklish area.
4. I have pajama pants that I'll hike up as far as possible and pull up the legs so it looks like an adult diaper. She hates that.
5. I punch her in the face really hard when she isn't looking.
I've got several more, but I don't want to hog the spotlight here.
stamandster
Well-Known Member
Usually a haymaker.
stamandster
Well-Known Member
Yeah...
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CreamyGoodness
Well-Known Member
I've got a new one. When I am out of altoids or gum I suck on cinnamon sticks. While we watch tv or putter around the house, I continuously work at it, making slurping noises in an effort to get it good and soft and supple. I have to imagine the neighbors had to of heard last night "JAMES! STOP CHEWING ON THOSE DAMN STICKS!..... SAID NO OTHER WIFE IN THE HISTORY OF EVER!!"
Conan
Well-Known Member
My wife has an extensive shoe collection, most of which are identical to my untrained eyes. Two pair in particular are truly indistinguishable to me, one black and one very, very dark brown, so I swapped one each of them. I thought she'd notice before wearing them out, but she didn't. She was trekking around a few outtings with one brown and one black high-healed boot until she finally noticed. I think I'm quite entertaining, she wasn't that impressed. Kyle
BoyScout
Well-Known Member
Some great ones here!
Everytime my SWMBO and I would shower together in the corner of the mirror, I'd make a little "tick" mark in the steam. I was doing that for awhile when she finally asked me what I was doing. I told her that was the number of times I successfully peed on her in the shower without her noticing. Please note that I wasn't actually peeing on her, I just told her I was.
She wouldn't shower with me for months, until I convinced her that I never really did pee on her. Then when I was finally allowed in the shower with her again, I "ticked" the mirror again. That was the end of community showering..lol.
Your mileage on this one may vary and there are many variations to the "theme"
Was out shopping with her one time and when she came out of the changing room she asked me, "Do these pants make my ass look fat?"
I responded, "Don't blame the pants."
As I said lots of variation offered on this one but it does mean sleeping on the couch for a night or two.
Everytime my SWMBO and I would shower together in the corner of the mirror, I'd make a little "tick" mark in the steam. I was doing that for awhile when she finally asked me what I was doing. I told her that was the number of times I successfully peed on her in the shower without her noticing. Please note that I wasn't actually peeing on her, I just told her I was.
She wouldn't shower with me for months, until I convinced her that I never really did pee on her. Then when I was finally allowed in the shower with her again, I "ticked" the mirror again. That was the end of community showering..lol.
Your mileage on this one may vary and there are many variations to the "theme"
Was out shopping with her one time and when she came out of the changing room she asked me, "Do these pants make my ass look fat?"
I responded, "Don't blame the pants."
As I said lots of variation offered on this one but it does mean sleeping on the couch for a night or two.
HoppyDaze
Well-Known Member
Last edited by a moderator:
Obliviousbrew
Well-Known Member
I would never pull a prank on someone holding a gun but that´s just me. Funny video
bottlebomber
Well-Known Member
BoyScout said:
My supervisor told me that he was showering with his wife, and he tried to pull off the peeing on her while she was shampooing her hair. Evidently she felt it and could see well enough through the shampoo, because she grabbed his junk and yanked it like the pull start on a lawn mower. Needless to say he won't be trying it again.
Some good ones in here I'll have to try soon.
About the "favorite president / Polk (poke) one...
I do this in the form of a Hertz Doughnut.
Ask her if she'd like a "Hertz Doughnut" (works best if you're grabbing something from the kitchen)
"whats a Hertz Doughnut"?
*POKE!* hurts, don't it?
I know, corny... but wait for the look the 2nd time you ask her, even better if she forgot about it.
About the "favorite president / Polk (poke) one...
I do this in the form of a Hertz Doughnut.
Ask her if she'd like a "Hertz Doughnut" (works best if you're grabbing something from the kitchen)
"whats a Hertz Doughnut"?
*POKE!* hurts, don't it?
I know, corny... but wait for the look the 2nd time you ask her, even better if she forgot about it.
Conan
Well-Known Member
So....when we were bedding down last night I tried the aforementioned 'who's your favorite President' gag. After I poked her she asked if I even knew anything about Polk. Kinda de-winded my sails. Then, I made the cobra-hand, also as previously discussed here. She looked very puzzled for a second, then figured it out and hid under the blanket. Her retaliation was cobra-handing me, right in the throat, intentionally. Thanks, guys, my neck hurts. Haha. Kyle
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CreamyGoodness
Well-Known Member
Sorry to bump, but I came up with a new one yesterday.
I took two AA batteries and hung one out of each nostril. Jumped in front of the TV whilst she played Zelda and said, loudly, "INFINITE ENERGY!" and ran away cackling. When I removed the batteries and returned to the living room, a good 3 minutes later, the Wii was still on pause and she was still sitting there with a half-smile/half-stunned expression. "Wow" she said "I married into this willingly"...
I took two AA batteries and hung one out of each nostril. Jumped in front of the TV whilst she played Zelda and said, loudly, "INFINITE ENERGY!" and ran away cackling. When I removed the batteries and returned to the living room, a good 3 minutes later, the Wii was still on pause and she was still sitting there with a half-smile/half-stunned expression. "Wow" she said "I married into this willingly"...
paulster2626
Well-Known Member
So to mess with your wife, you smoke crack? Got it!
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CreamyGoodness
Well-Known Member
Not ALL good wife-bothering manuevers involve farts...
You jumped in front of her while she was playing Zelda?
Just wow.
Just wow.
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CreamyGoodness
Well-Known Member
It was one of the puzzle boards. Didnt make her die or lose a butterfly or anything.
Lol!
stamandster
Well-Known Member
I snore at night... so that pretty much screws with her all night and day (lack of sleep). Booyah!
My wife trashed my laptop last week. She spilled an entire cup of coffee on it. It kinda works, but the display is all wacky. I yelled at her about it because I always tell her not to eat/drink when she's using it. She got pissed at me for getting mad at her. Somehow I'm in trouble for her destroying my new laptop.
To get back at her I've been making constant jokes about the condition of my laptop. Also, whenever I see her with a cup of coffee I scream 'Oh my God, she's got coffee!' and I throw my body on whatever electronics are in the area. I've also shielded the dog and the cat from possible 3rd degree burns. My kids are loving it.
The other day she found her pill holder was broken and yelled out to the entire house - 'Who broke my pill holder?'. I yelled - 'Sorry - It was me'. 'I spilled coffee on it'. I got smacked pretty good that time.
I intend to keep this up for many, many months.
To get back at her I've been making constant jokes about the condition of my laptop. Also, whenever I see her with a cup of coffee I scream 'Oh my God, she's got coffee!' and I throw my body on whatever electronics are in the area. I've also shielded the dog and the cat from possible 3rd degree burns. My kids are loving it.
The other day she found her pill holder was broken and yelled out to the entire house - 'Who broke my pill holder?'. I yelled - 'Sorry - It was me'. 'I spilled coffee on it'. I got smacked pretty good that time.
I intend to keep this up for many, many months.
bottlebomber
Well-Known Member
b-boy said:
That sounds like the kind of thing that can end in divorce
That sounds like the kind of thing that can end in divorce
No - most likely a shooting. Her shooting me.
It's all in good fun.
This-- dear god, this.
Happens all the time at my house regarding things i've told her at least 4-5 times to stop doing. But I'm totally the bad guy for fussing.
Also, creamy, please bump this more often. This was one of my favorite threads, and I keep forgetting to try half this stuff.
We have powered recliners in a pit group[ that she falls asleep in all the time. I unplug it while shes sleeping and she has to crawl out over the cup holder cubbyhole. I sneak off to bed and wait for the "DAMMIT"
Her favorite is "Want some Ice Cream?"
"Yes"
"Hows it feel to want"
Her favorite is "Want some Ice Cream?"
"Yes"
"Hows it feel to want"
paulster2626
Well-Known Member
Making tacos last night. So I take a deuce from the baby's diaper, and stick it in a taco shell (hard shell). Cover with some meat, then cheese, lettuce, guac, sour cream, hot sauce. Give it to wife.
First bite "this is spicy!"
"Yup."
Second bite "eww, this tastes like ****!"
"Yup."
Got her good.
First bite "this is spicy!"
"Yup."
Second bite "eww, this tastes like ****!"
"Yup."
Got her good.
stamandster
Well-Known Member
I can't wait to hear how she get's back at you for that one. Maybe cut off your penis and feed it to you?
MuddyCreek
Well-Known Member
Alright... I'm somewhat horrified to share this one but...
About once every 5 or 6 years, while being intimate and making sure I'm on top, I'll start to pretend I'm a special needs kid having the time of my life.
Then it kinda becomes a contest to see how long I can hang on.
Also, when I was about 17, my mom was missing a serving spoon from the kitchen and asked me if I'd been digging up the back yard with her spoon. So now whenever any utensils or things are missing from the kitchen and SWMBO asks about it I fess up to having dug up the back yard with whatever is gone.
About once every 5 or 6 years, while being intimate and making sure I'm on top, I'll start to pretend I'm a special needs kid having the time of my life.
Then it kinda becomes a contest to see how long I can hang on.
Also, when I was about 17, my mom was missing a serving spoon from the kitchen and asked me if I'd been digging up the back yard with her spoon. So now whenever any utensils or things are missing from the kitchen and SWMBO asks about it I fess up to having dug up the back yard with whatever is gone.
You made your wife eat ****?
Really?
You actually made your wife eat ****?
That's not even funny. That's just... abuse? I don't know. 100% sure that would get my ass divorced without a second thought or a prayer of reconciliation, and probably get my ass thrown in jail.
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CreamyGoodness
Well-Known Member
I think it was hyperbole, bird... like the guy who claimed he punched his wife out.
^^^ I hope.
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CreamyGoodness
Well-Known Member
Now if he had claimed the foreign matter was over-the-top hot sauce or something yucky in a taco like... say... bananas I'd have bought it.
MuddyCreek said:
Ahahaha!!
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