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How do I ensure that it remains caffeinated and doesn't loose strength? Is simply being sealed enough?

If you brew beer that you steeped coffee in while boiling the wort, will the end product be a caffeinated drink, or will it just taste like coffee?

So 3 weeks primary, 3 weeks in bottle?

Also, is secondary fermentation really necessary for ale or wheat beer?

Also while it conditions in the bottle what temperature should it be kept at? What's best for both phases, I've heard different answers.

What I've been doing is letting the bottles carbonate and then leave them for w weeks to condition. Is this okay? Do I condition the beers first and then bottle them?

Yes sir. Cream Ale from Northern Brewer.

It's a quarter pound of "Belgian Biscuit" and .75 pounds of Gambrinus Honey Malt, specialty grains.

What if i boiled it longer? It's boiling as we speak bro.

I accidentally spilled about a quarter or 30% of my crushed grain on the floor. I threw it out. Will this effect how my beer tastes if I end up using less crushed grain then I was supposed to in the kit?

I think I drank with ice, I'm pretty sure it was warmish.

I will try stouts with very different or unique flavors, but for now I'm afraid to drop $ on unfamiliar territory. I didn't pick up any chocolate or coffee flavors (that would be nice). Just....hotdog. After I drank that first can I couldn't shake it off.

Some stuff I picked up at a grocery store, I usually only drink ale lager or pilsner. There was Murphy's stout, and Taddy or Tabby something, I think it was porter but also tasted like hotdogs. I really don't ever drink stout and only rarely porter.

Am I the only guy who thinks stout tastes like someone boiled hotdogs into water, then threw out the hotdogs and bottled the water.

I'm kind of just messing around with my next batch but I'm trying to make a high percentage beer that tastes like cherry soda. I'm gonna add cherry extract but I was thinking how good or bad of an idea it would be to just use cherry soda for water. Like ffaoe said I thought it would accomplish...

What would happen if instead of using water to brew beer you used milk or soda or some kind of juice? Would it effect the process at all?

I just worried because it's been 5 days and there's only minimal foaming.

I'm going to get one of those buckets for my next batch, but for now I'll be letting out the co2 manually each day. I'm on a tight budget now, but that'll be fixed eventually, I just thought everything had to be sealed tight and so that's why my water bottle all but exploded. Is it...

Also I don't see too much foaming I know it's only been a few days but I'm worried that all the spillage ruined the batch.

I just started my first batch on October 9th, and my main problem is finding proper containers. I'm working on pretty low funding here, and had my beer in a milk jug. Such a newbie here that I didn't realize co2 would be a problem. I came home to find the milk jog expanded outwards, and leaking...