Stupid Joke Thread!

[Broken Crow]

Not a child lock, but an adult-proof lock. Designed to keep the husband from going down to the pub!

View attachment 847699

Zero effectivity, but cute...

Could be made effective by putting it on the outside in order to get a good uninterrupted sleep.

 

[homebeerbrewer]

I was going to share a joke about hotels, but I have reservations.

 

[day_trippr]

"Scientists have been studying the effect of cannabis on sea birds. They’ve left no tern unstoned."

 

[homebeerbrewer]

 

[homebeerbrewer]

I was going to share a joke about Alzheimers, but I forgot it.

 

[John Ha]

When I lived in Texas, I often worked around outside on the weekends; fixing stuff, mowing, trimming trees, clearing fence lines, and the like.

One day, one of my neighbors, whom I had not met, walked over and introduced himself.

We chatted for a few minutes, getting to know a little about each other, when he finally said, "I see you working out here a lot and you seem to be pretty handy. I've got a little project going and I was hoping you might have a tuba I could borrow."

"A tuba?", I said, with a puzzled look on my face.

"A tuba", he reaffirmed.

I thought for a minute and replied, "Well, I'm sorry but I don't have a tuba. I have a guitar that you're welcome to borrow though."

He said, "No, no! I need a TUBA. You know. Lumber. I need a tuba four."

 

[BeerAndTele]

I’ve been going through a tough time at work lately. Yesterday I came home, feeling frustrated, and my wife - sensing my despair - put a reassuring hand on my shoulder and said, “Earth.” I know it sounds strange, but it meant the world to me.

 

[Rish]

"That's the last time I'll ever screw around with an alligator," my friend said offhandedly.

 

[Novacor]

I was at a restaurant the other day looking at the menu. The waitress came over and asked if I knew what I wanted. I said “Yes, I’ll have a quickie”. She got angry and slapped me and stormed off.

Apparently that's not how you pronounce quiche.

 

[homebeerbrewer]

Some people can’t distinguish between etymology and entomology. They bug me in ways I can’t put into words

 

[John Ha]

 

[John Ha]

 

[betarhoalphadelta]

View attachment 848144

LOL. My first car was a 1985 1/2 Ford Escort. What a POS.

 

[balrog]

What has four letters, sometimes has nine, but never has five

 

[Kee]

I need a TUBA. You know. Lumber. I need a tuba four."

A guy I knew (he's not from Texas) walked into a lumber supply store and asked for a certain amount of 2 x 4s. The employee asked "how long do you want them"?

"I need them for a long time. I'm building a barn".