Messing with SWMBO

BrewSwag 728
Homebrew Talk - Beer, Wine, Mead, & Cider Brewing Discussion Forum

Help Support Homebrew Talk - Beer, Wine, Mead, & Cider Brewing Discussion Forum:

This site may earn a commission from merchant affiliate links, including eBay, Amazon, and others.
CreamyGoodness said:
More fun with farts. I recently discovered that a wife cuddling up to your back will be enraged when you fart on her leg.
Click to expand...

So you are the little spoon? What an absolute vagina :D
 
CreamyGoodness said:
More fun with farts. I recently discovered that a wife cuddling up to your back will be enraged when you fart on her leg.
Click to expand...

My wife occasionally farts on my schwantz when I am behind her. So not cool. It usually forces me to the other side of the bed.
 
Creamy, no jury in the world is going to convict your wife for her actions on that still-approaching fateful day. Not when so much evidence for temporary insanity is readily available on this forum.

Good luck and keep your head low. :mug:
 
Here's a funny one. some time ago,we were sleeping with our backs to each other at one point. Our short haired lab Max was sleeping between us. We both farted in stereo. Max's head snapps up with what I'd swear was a frown & goes "GRRRR!" & jumps off the bed. If you can't laugh at that,you need to get the hell outta here...:drunk::D
 
Swmbo is a hair stylist, so she has fake heads for practice. They have real hair and eyes that just stare into your soul. I have been known on occasion to place them in the bed when I leave for work, or put them on the window sill in the shower and close the curtain. I think they are really creepy so she will get me back. She put one on the phone pedestal in the hall one night while I was in bed. She then came to bed, waited until I was asleep and nudged me. "Did you hear that? " she said. So I get up, grab the 45 and the flashlight, and start to clear the house. I almost shot it.
 
Tnoodle said:
Swmbo is a hair stylist, so she has fake heads for practice. They have real hair and eyes that just stare into your soul. I have been known on occasion to place them in the bed when I leave for work, or put them on the window sill in the shower and close the curtain. I think they are really creepy so she will get me back. She put one on the phone pedestal in the hall one night while I was in bed. She then came to bed, waited until I was asleep and nudged me. "Did you hear that? " she said. So I get up, grab the 45 and the flashlight, and start to clear the house. I almost shot it.
Click to expand...

You definetly should shot it.
 
I have long held suspicions about the male species and you gentlemen have just confirmed it.
And since I signed a blood oath to all my sisters of the world, I must spread my new found knowledge.
You see what happens on HBT, doesn't necessarily stay on HBT...
( cue evil laugh )
 
brewsnthelou said:
I have long held suspicions about the male species and you gentlemen have just confirmed it.
And since I signed a blood oath to all my sisters of the world, I must spread my new found knowledge.
You see what happens on HBT, doesn't necessarily stay on HBT...
( cue evil laugh )
Click to expand...

Yeah... Like women don't do the same thing. It's called shopping.
 
brewsnthelou said:
I have long held suspicions about the male species and you gentlemen have just confirmed it.
And since I signed a blood oath to all my sisters of the world, I must spread my new found knowledge.
You see what happens on HBT, doesn't necessarily stay on HBT...
( cue evil laugh )
Click to expand...

That's why we haven't mentioned the good stuff. These are all decoys.
 
Wife got me back today.

She's started vaping a non-tobacco, peppermint thing. The smell and taste helps with her migraines.

We are hanging out while my daughter does track & field practice. She takes a drag off her vape and the smoke wafts in my face. She said, "at least it's not a cigerrette."

I say, "I feel like I've been breath minted."

She takes another drag and shouts, "BINACA!" while blowing it in my face.
 
Saw this one on the internet,
While the wife is taking a shower, grab her hair dryer and lay on the bed naked while drying your junk. When she comes out, and asks what the heck you are doing, just reply. "Heating up your dinner"

I used to scare the crap out of my wife, until she started hitting back. I am a little more cautious now, for her being 5'3 she can pack a punch.
 
Sherpa FE said:
Saw this one on the internet,
While the wife is taking a shower, grab her hair dryer and lay on the bed naked while drying your junk. When she comes out, and asks what the heck you are doing, just reply. "Heating up your dinner"

I used to scare the crap out of my wife, until she started hitting back. I am a little more cautious now, for her being 5'3 she can pack a punch.
Click to expand...



Nice !!! Will be using this one soon . :)
 
CreamyGoodness said:
Make up a silly nickname for SWMBO. Some favorites:

"Boobs"

"Bewbtacular"

and if I really want to press my luck

"Tits McGee"
Click to expand...

Yeah I call mine Boobie or She hates in. Though the worst is that her name is Vanessa and her mother and I both call he Ness. I took to calling her Nessticles. That didn't last long.:cross:
 
McBrewskie said:
Yeah I call mine Boobie or She hates in. Though the worst is that her name is Vanessa and her mother and I both call he Ness. I took to calling her Nessticles. That didn't last long.:cross:
Click to expand...

Mine's named Venessa too. I have called her all kinds of dumb nicknames. My iPhone kept correcting "Ness" to "Mess" so now she is just Mess.
 
Girlfriends name is Rachelle, family and friends all call her Rae. So naturally I made up a new nickname from that "Rae-tard". She's not to impressed that it has stuck for the past year or so.
 
Tnoodle said:
Swmbo is a hair stylist, so she has fake heads for practice. They have real hair and eyes that just stare into your soul. I have been known on occasion to place them in the bed when I leave for work, or put them on the window sill in the shower and close the curtain. I think they are really creepy so she will get me back. She put one on the phone pedestal in the hall one night while I was in bed. She then came to bed, waited until I was asleep and nudged me. "Did you hear that? " she said. So I get up, grab the 45 and the flashlight, and start to clear the house. I almost shot it.
Click to expand...

Mine's a hair stylist too. She's got her practice heads all up in her clothes closet. I should put one on her night stand before I go to bed since she's always sawing logs when I get to bed. That would freak her the hell out since she already thinks our place is haunted.
 
The wife has told me many times if I don't mess with shell think there's something wrong with me

Just off top of my head my regulars are. When she asks me to get something out of a cabinet ill get the wrong thing. She says no so I get something else usually followed by "come on Rob" then I'll get the first wrong thing again and called an ass

She's a grammar nazi so I constantly use double negatives or phrases such as why come. Even better when the boy gets into it

As an EMT I have access to loud sirens on a daily basis. If I'm any where near my house I drive by and blast the sirens good then speed off leaving the dogs to act like the aliens are invading our front yard. Even better that 2 of them start fighting and one gets bad gas when "aliens attack" the house. That will continue for about 20 mins
 
forstmeister said:
Mine's named Venessa too. I have called her all kinds of dumb nicknames. My iPhone kept correcting "Ness" to "Mess" so now she is just Mess.
Click to expand...

Lol, mine does that too. I have still correct it, but now I will have to just roll with it. My Hot Mess!
 
bwints said:
Girlfriends name is Rachelle, family and friends all call her Rae. So naturally I made up a new nickname from that "Rae-tard". She's not to impressed that it has stuck for the past year or so.
Click to expand...

Stick with it bud. Those are the things that are endearing longterm. The more you call her Rae-tard the longer it will last!
 
russrob81 said:
Just off top of my head my regulars are. When she asks me to get something out of a cabinet ill get the wrong thing. She says no so I get something else usually followed by "come on Rob" then I'll get the first wrong thing again and called an ass
Click to expand...
This is great. And being that I'm over 6'6" and my wife is 5'5" I get things for her a LOT. My MO before has always to get the item down while looking deeply and wistfully into her eyes while saying "As you wish" as I very slowly give her what she asked for, but I am definitely going to give this a shot.
 
My wife hates wearing hats. I like to buy very cheap, very ridiculous-looking hats and put them on her when she isnt expecting it.
 
Sherpa FE said:
Saw this one on the internet,
While the wife is taking a shower, grab her hair dryer and lay on the bed naked while drying your junk. When she comes out, and asks what the heck you are doing, just reply. "Heating up your dinner"
Click to expand...

Similar, but sort of in reverse.

When you're about to "dine", tell her you're in the mood for spicy tonight. Pull out a bottle of ghost pepper hot sauce and put a dash of it on her clit. The reaction is HILARIOUS!!!
 

Similar threads

orgenomescii
Brewing like a Barbarian: Ancient Irish Descriptions of Malting & Brewing
Replies
2
Views
1K
McMullan
McMullan
4_Sons_Brewing
12 Beers of Christmas - 2023 Edition
11 12 13
Replies
512
Views
20K
passedpawn
passedpawn
gunhaus
DON'T worry . . .
Replies
23
Views
2K
grampamark
grampamark
TBC
12 Beers of Christmas 2022 Edition
6 7 8
Replies
281
Views
18K
wetmk
wetmk
Boomer
HBT Iron Brewer Sign Up
Replies
8
Views
1K
bkboiler
bkboiler
InkBird 300

Latest posts

Back
Top