CreamyGoodness
Well-Known Member
So, as I've mentioned too many times, my wife has been pointing to her watch and saying "when?" for a while now. I'm still not fully employed (working on a contract, not sure what will happen after that), and kids terrify me. In my mind it is THE decision you can never unmake. Plus, as an only child, I am agressively territorial of my free time (that ends I'm told). I didnt see a cute child until I was 28 years old. So yeah, I'm dragging my feet.
And then today I found out that teens have actually been putting themselves in the hospital eating cinnamon. Cinnamon. Apparently the "cinnamon challenge" where you try to swallow a tablespoon of cinnamon in 60 seconds, has been leaving kids with bronchial problems and producing burns in their mouths, noses, and throats... leaving them in the hospital for several days. So, not only would I have the "dont date any guy daddy cant beat up" talk and the "noooooo I toooootally didnt do anything illicit in college" talk... now I have to worry about them raiding my baking pantry.
Same day, guess what else I found out? Kids have been taking large doses of nutmeg with water and tripping their faces off. Oh... and they have been doing so for at least a hundred years. So no cinnamon, no nutmeg. Got it.
Both salt and ice are to be banned as well, seeing as how tough guys have been putting salt on their skin and topping it with an icecube... creating something akin to a chemical burn... an almost free tattoo. WTF??
I was relieved to find out that reports of "butt chugging"... literally pouring an alcoholic beverage into your rectum and soaking tampons with vodka and grain alcohol are largely sensationalized... but saddened and terrified to hear that every year teens are still dying whilst "planking" in dangerous places. This is shocking, because if teens of 2013 are anything like they were in the mid-90's that means they havent been wrong a day of their lives (something that, if my father is an accurate representative, happens again in late-middle age). If I were to start now, would the generation of teen mine would be be more or less likely to do something unbelievably stupid?
The only thing I can think of... why intelligent people would willingly sign up to put themselves through at least 5 years of this torture and worry, is that they have implemented some sort of imprisonment... unleashing their offspring on the world full-grown and above the age of majority. I've seen the "friend" dads, the authoritarian dads, and the amateur psychologist dads all crash and burn... or at least falter perilously... so the only thing I can think of domestic false imprisonment.
I will tell you this right now though... I'd cuff the everloving bejoobus out of my teen's head if I catch him snorting pixie stix and posting it on youtube.
Seriously... WTF is my wife getting me into?
*sigh* I'm screwed.
And then today I found out that teens have actually been putting themselves in the hospital eating cinnamon. Cinnamon. Apparently the "cinnamon challenge" where you try to swallow a tablespoon of cinnamon in 60 seconds, has been leaving kids with bronchial problems and producing burns in their mouths, noses, and throats... leaving them in the hospital for several days. So, not only would I have the "dont date any guy daddy cant beat up" talk and the "noooooo I toooootally didnt do anything illicit in college" talk... now I have to worry about them raiding my baking pantry.
Same day, guess what else I found out? Kids have been taking large doses of nutmeg with water and tripping their faces off. Oh... and they have been doing so for at least a hundred years. So no cinnamon, no nutmeg. Got it.
Both salt and ice are to be banned as well, seeing as how tough guys have been putting salt on their skin and topping it with an icecube... creating something akin to a chemical burn... an almost free tattoo. WTF??
I was relieved to find out that reports of "butt chugging"... literally pouring an alcoholic beverage into your rectum and soaking tampons with vodka and grain alcohol are largely sensationalized... but saddened and terrified to hear that every year teens are still dying whilst "planking" in dangerous places. This is shocking, because if teens of 2013 are anything like they were in the mid-90's that means they havent been wrong a day of their lives (something that, if my father is an accurate representative, happens again in late-middle age). If I were to start now, would the generation of teen mine would be be more or less likely to do something unbelievably stupid?
The only thing I can think of... why intelligent people would willingly sign up to put themselves through at least 5 years of this torture and worry, is that they have implemented some sort of imprisonment... unleashing their offspring on the world full-grown and above the age of majority. I've seen the "friend" dads, the authoritarian dads, and the amateur psychologist dads all crash and burn... or at least falter perilously... so the only thing I can think of domestic false imprisonment.
I will tell you this right now though... I'd cuff the everloving bejoobus out of my teen's head if I catch him snorting pixie stix and posting it on youtube.
Seriously... WTF is my wife getting me into?
*sigh* I'm screwed.