I appreciate all of these carefully considered replies, I'm sure we are going to get along just fine!
My background is scientific/technical but I have little knowledge of fermentation. I approach problems in a logical and pragmatic fashion and I'm not afraid of trying a short cut or different...
What is the down side of just being patient and letting the wort cool down over 24 hours? This would be much less faffing than purchasing, sterilising a proper coling system.
Just made my first couple batches of lager. I need to be more precise with the amount of hops I throw in. At least...